


A Glitch in the Matrix

by Tutselutse



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awesome Jane Foster, BAMF Darcy Lewis, BAMF Natasha Romanov, Body Swap, Charles Xavier cameo, Darcy Feels, Darcy was never Jane's intern, Domestic Avengers, Dubious Science, Established Natasha/Bucky, Everyone should listen to Jane, F/F, F/M, Infidelity, Minor Original Character(s), Multi, Mutual Pining, OT3, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-OT3, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Natasha Romanov, SHIP DARCY WITH ALL THE THINGS, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, She knows people, Slow Burn, Thor Is Not Stupid, Threesome - F/F/M, Women Being Awesome, dubious consent due to body swapping, kind of, pop-culture references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-21 17:37:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 58,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3701015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tutselutse/pseuds/Tutselutse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy had always had the most vivid dreams, so when she found herself in Natasha Romanov's body, she obviously concluded it was another one of her weird sleep adventures. But a small battle alongside the Avengers made it clear that it was not the case.</p><p>How do you convince Earth's Mightiest Heroes that you have not, in fact, taken over one of their members' body on purpose?<br/>And what happens after that?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Setting:  
> So, Darcy was never Jane's intern. Instead Jane and Selvig were alone when they met Thor. Darcy remained at Culver, got her degree in Political Science, with a minor in Computer Sciences.  
> Otherwise than that, I think everything is pretty MCU canon. The events from Winter Soldier happened. Everything Hydra was exposed on the net. Steve found Bucky again. Natasha and Bucky got together, but kept their relationship a secret to the public.
> 
> And now they will all meet. Muhaha...Okay, the cackle was uncalled for. But they will meet.  
> I craved an OT3 story with these three babes! And this idea has been in my head forever. and I had to get it out before aou, so I can ignore what happens in that movie. So, here is the first chapter!

Darcy woke with a startle, panting loudly. She was bathed in sweat, her t-shirt and sheets completely soaked. She groaned as she got out of her bed. Her tongue felt like sandpaper and it felt like she still had sand in her lungs.

"It's not real. Just a dream" she told herself as she dragged her feet into the bathroom, throwing her gross sheets in the hamper on the way.

 The dry feeling in her mouth was still strong when she walked out of the shower. It felt like she had inhaled a sandbox, and even though she drank a lot of water, it didn't help. Darcy sighed as she got dressed. Stupid freaking nightmare! She just knew this was going to make her whole day slower.

She was frying eggs and making coffee when Val walked into their kitchen/living-room

"Mornin'" the blonde yawned and started setting the table. Darcy didn't really respond, she just poured herself another glass of water and chugged it down.

"Sleep well?" Val asked with the wariness that came after several years of first-hand experience with Darcy's dream problem.

"No," Darcy sighed "I watched a documentary about the building of the pyramids, so I dreamt I was lost in the desert"

"Oh, that doesn't sound fun" Val poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down

"You have no idea. I think I've drunk a liter of water, but I still feel like I have sand in my mouth," Darcy served the eggs and sat down, "remind me that I can't watch History Channel before bed"

"So that's no History Channel, Discovery Channel, action movies, and Downton Abbey before bedtime" Val counted on her fingers

"Don't forget Nickelodeon" Darcy added dryly.

"Dude, you need to talk to someone about this" Val said, her voice serious. Darcy shrugged and ate her eggs.  Talking to a doctor wouldn't help. She had always had vivid dreams, it was just something she had learned to live with.

"When did you come home last night?" she asked Val instead

"Late," her room-mate replied "Mom says hi, by the way"

"Oh thanks" Darcy smiled and took a sip of coffee, "How are they?"

"Good, good. Dad asked me if I wanted to go to a Rock concert next month"

"Your dad is the coolest!" Darcy sighed, "I have said it before,  if he asked, I would run away with him "

"You are not the first of my friends to tell me that" Val grimaced

"I know. But he would pick me" Darcy winked and Val rolled her eyes

"Stop being gross"

They continued their playful banter as they finished eating. Val did the dishes, and Darcy drank another glass of water. Man, she was going to have a lot of bathroom breaks at work today, if she kept this up.

Darcy was usually ready to go before Val, and today was no exception. Dressed in her denim jacket and green beanie, she leaned against the wall and played with her scarf as she waited. She clicked her tongue impatiently when the blonde finally showed up.

"I am thinking about dying my hair pink" Val said, while tying her shoelaces. Darcy grunted in response before the words really settled. Wait, what?

"I know what you're doing" she said confidently "You're taking advantage of my tired brain, so I don't protest against your reckless decision. But it is not going to work, my dear Valerie. No sir"

"Boo, you're no fun" Val pouted and put on her jacket

"Oh please. It's for your own good. Remember sophomore year?" Darcy argued as they walked out the door, "Those green stripes in your hair were horrible"

Val sighed theatrically: "I never get to express myself", before bumping her shoulder with Darcy's. They parted ways at the bus stop. Darcy was heading for the Loop, and Val was going to the Shedd aquarium, where she assisted some fish-expert in maintaining the different aquariums. That girl was obsessed with marine biology.

Darcy worked at Macy's, selling jewelry. It was a dull job, but at least she was within the Loop now. She could stare enviously at the business clad people, power walking up and down the street. Oh, how she yearned for a job where she could use her degree, wear nice pencil skirts and maybe carry a briefcase.

But so far her job search had been fruitless. Hence the job at Macy's. Darcy put her earplugs in, and turned up her music, drowning out the sound of the bus. She thought back on her dream. The dryness in her throat and nose, the burning sun on her skin and the thirst. God, the thirst for water. She had been lost, and the sand had been blowing around her, as she stumbled around and called for help. It had felt so real.

She groaned and looked out at the people going about their day. Her stop was right after they passed the beautiful Stark Industries building.

* * *

 

It was a long, tiresome day of work. Some lady freaked out because the pearls weren't real, and Darcy had to talk her down for five minutes, before she left in a huff. And there had been a dude, leering at her for half an hour.

She had downed plenty of water, and the feeling of sand in her mouth was mostly gone. She walked up the stairs to their small apartment, feeling sluggish. Luckily Val was already home and cooking, according to the amazing spicy smell seeping through the door. Darcy sighed happily and walked inside. She had the best room-mate ever.

Val was sitting in one of the stools in front of the small kitchen island. She had a glass of wine in one hand, and her phone in the other. There was a sizzling pot on the stove, and something baking in the oven.

"Hi Darce" she greeted without looking up

"Hey V! It smells gooood in here" Darcy said enthusiastically.

"I know" was the reply. Well, Val had never believed in modesty. Darcy walked over and poured herself a glass of wine from the open bottle on the counter. Then she walked the short distance into the "living room" part of the room. She slumped into the yellow beanbag in the corner and took a sip of wine.

They sat around the island, and ate the amazing curry Val had made. She had even baked a nice loaf of bread. Oh, yum, this was heaven. Darcy was halfway through her first wine glass, and she could feel the alcohol soothe her. It was definitely one of those nights, where you blink and then half a bottle of wine has disappeared.

"Actually, the reason I went a little nuts on the food, is because I have good news. About work" Val told her in a serious tone, and Darcy couldn't help but tease her:

"Well, I doubt it's as good as my news" she smiled playfully "Hoop earrings are on sale"

After laughing a little, Val cleared her throat and said:

"Okay, so obviously less exciting than _hoop earrings_ , but... " she beamed "Professor Perez got a huge grant, and next year he leaves for four months, to study whales". Darcy sipped her wine, "And he said I could take over for him!"

"Oh my God, really?"

"Yes! I mean, I might have to share some of the work with someone else, cuz' he's kind of a genius, and I'm not, but..."

"That is amazing! I am so happy for you!" Darcy smiled.

"Thanks! I get to design the entire Caribbean display, and ugh, it's just such an opportunity for me" Val squealed and did her eyes-closed-hands-gestures happy dance.

"You deserve it!" Darcy told her "Like, so much!"

"Thanks Dee," she sighed "and, I want you to know that I really, _really_ appreciate the fact that you moved out here with me, to Chicago, and let me follow this dream. Even though you have to work at Macy's". Darcy felt a lump in her throat as she looked at her friend.

"Of course" she said, and she almost started crying, "I mean, I love you V"

"Oh shit, you're making me cry" Val blinked extensively and took a deep breath.

"Cheers" Darcy smiled and the girls drank deeply from their glasses, trying to calm down.

 After dinner, they both plopped down on their small couch, with another bottle of wine. Darcy painted Val's toenails and fed her gummy bears, while the blonde read aloud from a gossip magazine. There was lot of talk about tomorrows award ceremony for the Avengers. Darcy was looking forward to it. Because gala = awesome, and Avengers = even more awesome.

They were both a little buzzed, when they said goodnight and went to bed. Darcy curled up into a ball, and enjoyed the smell of newly washed sheets as she fell asleep.

* * *

 

She woke up with an urgent need to pee. Her phone told her it was 3 a.m., and she sighed as she stumbled into the bathroom. The light was too bright for her eyes, and the water to cold for her hands.

When she returned to her bed, she couldn't find the right position, and she tossed and turned for a while. Finally she felt good, she could feel the sleep lurking, ready to take over. She sighed happily, drowning herself in it.

Suddenly, a noise pulled her out of her almost-sleep. She sat up. There it was again. It sounded like footsteps, right outside her door.

"Val?" she asked "Is that you?"

There was no reply, just the continuing stepping. Darcy got up, and walked over to the door, her bare feet making almost no sound on the wooden floor. She opened the door and was met with a blindingly bright light. She lifted a hand to cover her eyes and stepped through the door.

She was on a small beach, looking at the water. The wind blew around her, and the sand was damp between her toes. The water was a mess, big waves crashing and black seaweed everywhere. Weird.

She walked closer to the water, and let out a surprised sound when a wave hit her feet. The ocean was dirty, filled with trash and plastic. It made her uncomfortable.  A few sunbeams escaped the grey clouds, and Darcy felt the warmth on her face for a few seconds.

"Are you cold?" someone asked next to her. She turned her head and stared into her mother's kind eyes. Joanne Lewis had always been pretty, but especially when she smiled her half-smile. She was wearing the green dress she had worn at Darcy's father's 40th birthday.

"No, I am fine" she told her mother

"Good" was the reply, and the older woman sat down and looked out at the ocean. Darcy stared at her. There was only one explanation: she was dreaming. She had to be dreaming.

"Mom" she sat down next to her, "You can't be here"

"Why not?" Joanne gave her an amused smile

"You died. You died a long time ago" Darcy told her, and tried smiling.

"Oh, right" her mother chuckled "Sometimes I forget that"

"You're the only one" Darcy chuckled. For some reason, the whole thing seemed funny to her.  Her mother joined in, and scooted closer to her.

"Come here, little one" she said affectionately and it made Darcy's heart throb a little. She leaned against her mother, and the older woman wrapped an arm around her.

"I miss you" she sighed, and breathed in the familiar scent of chamomile and ginger. It smelled like home.

"I miss you too"

They sat there, and watched the  waves crash into the beach, together. For a dream, Darcy thought, it was pretty good. The good thing about dreams, is that anything is possible. So she sat there, and enjoyed her small trip into the past. Or, glimpse of what the future could have been. Of course it ended too soon

"Stay warm, my little one" her mother's voice echoed through her ears as a big wave washed over them.

Darcy opened her eyes and looked into the pale yellow wall next to her bed. Right. Dream. She sighed deeply and rolled onto her back. There was no way she was going to fall asleep now, so she got up. Might as well do some cleaning.

* * *

 

Darcy liked when her room was cluttered. She has a dozen knick-knacks everywhere, and forgotten coffee cups and old receipts lying around never bothered her. But she was a firm believer in stress-cleaning. Or, stress-RELIEF-cleaning as it was.

She cleaned  for two hours straight, until the exhaustion hit her, and she left her room. Not surprisingly, Val was in a very good mood that morning. Humming and dancing around the kitchen. When she saw Darcy tired face drag herself straight for the coffee, she frowned.

They had a small argument over the whole dream thing. Darcy _tried_ explaining that she saw a doctor when she was six, and when the pills he suggested didn't work, he told her there was nothing else he could do. Val didn't care.

"You look like shit. It's not right!"

"Come on, it's just a bad week," Darcy argued "it'll go away, like it always does"

"But it'll come back" Val threw her arms in the air.

"And I'll deal, so butt out" Darcy sneered. Ugh, her sleep-deprived self was mean. Val stomped out of the room, a grim set to her mouth, and Darcy stared after her, regretting the whole thing.

Having half the day off was good for her. She stopped by a nice bakery and bought I'M SORRY cupcakes, and made sure she had all the ingredients for tacos, before heading home.

Another state of stress-cleaning hit her, and she tidied up the whole apartment, vacuuming behind every piece of furniture, and scrubbing the entire shower. She had time for a small nap (luckily dreamless) before Val walked through the door.

Darcy was standing awkwardly beside the table, and looked at her attempt at apologizing: freshly brewed coffee, a tray of very pink cupcakes, and a small bouquet of daisies.

"I'm sorry!" she blurted out the moment Valerie entered the kitchen. The blonde snorted and looked around her

"Oh Darcy" she chuckled and walked over, giving her a big hug. When they let go, she gave her a funny look and said "This is a little pathetic though"

"Shut up" Darcy punched her shoulder.

* * *

 

After dinner they turned on the TV. People had started arriving at the fancy gala in New York. The Avengers were supposed to receive some award for another Villain-Defeat, and several channels were covering the event.

Darcy and Val were, well, fans. Being graduates from Culver University made you at least a little interested in the legend of Captain America, and the super-serum.

Val was always bragging about the time she bought coffee next to Betty Ross, and they discussed candy bars. Darcy was a little in love with Pepper Potts, and her mad business skills. They watched the red carpet and discussed each dress and suit they saw.

The discussion was brought to a halt when Captain America arrived, in formal uniform. He looked _good_ , all bright eyes and courteous smiles to the interviewers. What a precious human being. Next to him was a handsome, black man, in a sharp dark blue suit. Valerie whistled loudly when the camera turned to him

"What a babe" she sighed, and elbowed Darcy in the side.

"Yeah" Darcy answered absentmindedly, eyes focused on the background.

"He'll be there, don't worry" Val grinned. Just as she said it, the Black Widow and Sergeant Barnes walked into clear view. She was dressed in a long, silky black dress, revealing her great cleavage, and he was in a black suit. Darcy's insides twisted a little, because _wow_. She remembered in the seventh grade, when they had a project about WW2 and she had seen his face the first time.

He had been HANDSOME back then, and she had, had a small crush for a few months. Then, she had learned about Joan of Arc, and a new crush had replaced the old one.

Last year, he had suddenly appeared by Captain America's side, and after a long Prisoner of War vs. Murderer trial, he had officially joined the Avengers as an innocent man. It had been all over the news. And Darcy had remembered her old crush.

Natasha Romanov, the Black Widow, was kind of the hottest babe ever. And Darcy would admit she had looked at footage of her, from the alien invasion. YouTube had several videos. She definitely had a thing for women who kicked ass.

"Bring back the Wilson dude!" Val yelled at the TV, "You hardly asked him any questions!"

"Shh V! Potts is on!" Darcy shushed. Pepper Potts was the definition of elegant in her blue dress. Tony Stark was beaming next to her. Darcy rolled her eyes, because from the looks they were exchanging, there was nothing to the rumors of them breaking up.

The actual award was received by Tony Stark and Captain America. They complimented each other nicely, making jokes and thanking everyone.

"I liked him more when he was single and outrageous" Val commented as Stark made a lame joke

"Shut your mouth!" Darcy cried "Pepper Potts is an angel, and they belong together!"

"Just saying... He was funnier back then" she shrugged, so Darcy threw a gummy bear at her head.

The TV stopped showing pictures from the party after that, but a panel of "experts" were discussing everything from Natasha Romanov's dress, to the flower arrangements, to Captain America's choice in footwear. Darcy nearly fell asleep right there on the couch, but she managed to drag herself into her bedroom and slump down on her bed before drifting off.

* * *

 

The light was too bright, shining through her eyelids and waking her up. She turned over and snuggled deeper into the bed, not bothering to open her eyes. The bed felt softer than usual, and the smell was off. That was definitely not her usual laundry detergent. Alarm bells started ringing in her head. She opened her eyes and stared into a wall that was way too blue, to be her yellow bedroom wall.

She sat up and looked around her. The bedroom was definitely not hers. It was big and filled with sunlight, the bed was much larger than her own. _Fuck_ she thought and jumped onto the floor. Where the hell was she?

And was that a _shower running_ she could hear? _Double fuck!_

She looked down to examine her state of dress, and - wait what? Her boobs looked smaller in her top. Darcy cupped them - yep definitely smaller. Her legs were longer too, and much more muscular. Okay, her spider senses were tingling like crazy now.

There was a full-length mirror next to a big, light green chair covered in discarded clothes. None of it looked like hers, Darcy thought as she walked up to the mirror.

She almost screamed when she looked into it. Because staring back was a gorgeous, fit woman with fiery red hair. Not a brunette.

Darcy stepped closer to the mirror and examined her - uh - the face closer. Green eyes, full lips, flawless skin. She looked like that Avenger woman.

She _really_ looked like Natasha Romanov. Like, spot on the Black Widow. Huh.

Darcy ran over to the window and looked out at the tall buildings. Okay, that had to be Manhattan outside. Was this another of her weird dreams? She walked back to the mirror and looked into it again. Her eyes were so confused, and she almost laughed. The Black Widow had definitely never looked so bewildered before. It was absurd.

She had to be dreaming. There was no other explanation. Darcy made a face at her reflection. This was a little fun. In a 'what the fuck' kind of way.

She was still making faces when she heard the shower stop. Who could that be? Knowing her subconscious, it was probably something dangerous, like an alien. Or a bear. Darcy steadied herself, taking a deep breath.

The door opened and the shower-user walked out. It was neither bear, nor alien. Nope. It was a bare-chested, God-like man, with long, dripping wet hair and a metal arm. Sergeant Barnes. The Winter Soldier. Wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. Wow.  

Darcy was gawking. Big time. Her subconscious had done _well!_ He looked even hotter than on TV.

"Вы проснулись" his voice was a low rasp, and he sent her an amused smile. Darcy wondered what he was saying. Maybe he was surprised she was in his room?

"Good morning" she said nervously.

He walked up to her, and ran a hand through the red curls "You have bed hair" he grinned.

Darcy swallowed an extra time. Wow.

"You have wet hair" she replied and raised an eyebrow. He chuckled and kissed her nose.

Ooookay, so in her dream, the Soldier and the Widow were getting it on?

He turned around and walked back towards the bathroom, lifting the towel, so he could run it through his brown hair. Darcy stared at his butt and sighed. So, this was dream, right? She walked after him into the bathroom, and leaned against the doorframe, watching him dry himself. So, she could totally hit on him, right?

He smiled when he spotted her in the mirror. Darcy took a deep breath and walked up behind him. She placed her hands on his bare hips, and kissed his shoulder blade. She moved her thumbs back and forth on his soft skin and hummed under her breath. A drop of water trailed down his back, and she licked it.

She was _so_ taking advantage of this dream!

" Cейчас?" he hissed. She ran a hand down his thigh and continued trailing kisses around his shoulder and arm. Slowly she inched her hand up his thigh, over his hipbone and across his stomach, right under his bellybutton. He groaned and let his head fall back. Darcy lifted her hand and tweaked his nipple slightly. Because why the hell not?

He  turned around and she saw his entire naked form. It was glorious! His arms and stomach were thick with muscles. There were scars around the shoulder, where the metal arm started. His thighs were so strong, and Darcy licked her lips as she took him in. Bless her subconscious for making him so well-equipped.

He placed a hand on her neck and brought their mouths together roughly. Darcy couldn't hold back moan when he tugged at her bottom lip. He pulled her hair and she grabbed his butt. The kiss was hot and burning, and it didn't take long before he was hard against her hip. As Darcy slowly moved her hand over his hip, he stopped kissing her and panted into her ear

" Хотите сделать это здесь или кровать?"

Darcy wondered why he kept talking Russian, but since it sounded pretty sexy she didn't care. He was touching her boob now, tweaking the nipple through the top she was wearing, and she just gasped loudly.

His other hand was inching into her panties and Darcy shivered when she realized it was the metal one. The cold fingers made her squirm. He kissed her again and pushed her hard up against the wall. She started running her hand up and down his length just as a finger started rubbing her clit.

They both groaned and Darcy looked up at him

"Fuck me" she hissed "Now please"

He pulled her panties down, and with practiced ease, lifted her up so she could wrap her legs around his hips. He pushed inside her and Darcy whimpered. He kissed her and started moving slowly

"Oh" Darcy moaned into his mouth. He picked up the pace, and it didn't take long before they were both gasping and moaning loudly.

When he finished, his knees buckled and they landed on the floor in a tangled, sweaty mess. Darcy giggled, and they kissed a little more.

"Did you?" he raised an eyebrow. She shook her head, and smiled. She was pretty sure she would have woken up if she had, and that would've been a shame. Bucky frowned.

"It's okay" she kissed him again, trailing her fingers up and down his arms. She wanted to keep playing with him, right until she woke up.

He chuckled into her mouth, and straddled her, pinning her hands above her head.

"Now I have to shower _again_ " he mumbled and kissed her neck. Darcy sighed at the touch and groaned when the flicked her earlobe with his tongue.

Then he was gone, and she immediately missed his warm weight on top of her. The shower started again, and she got up. He was smirking at her, before stepping in. Damn, he was hot when he smirked. She joined him in the shower, which led to a lot more kissing against the cold tiles on the wall.

"I'm gonna find some breakfast" he told her, and gave her one last kiss. He left her alone in the shower, where she finished washing her hair. She dried herself in a big, peach towel and looked at herself in the mirror again. She stuck out her tongue and made a silly face. This dream was pretty awesome!

After her shower, Darcy entered the walk in closet. She had just wanted to find some sweats or something, but she nearly squealed when she saw all the clothes. Gorgeous silky dresses for fancy-ass parties, beautiful pants-suits and some pretty awesome shoes. She was half-way through a pink, floral sundress when she spotted the catsuit. It hung in the corner on display, and it was so pretty and black and shiny, she had to touch it.

Darcy was still fawning over the fabric, debating whether or not she should try it on, when an alarm started blaring through the room. She stumbled back in surprise, wondering what had started it. Bucky burst into the closet, exclaiming:

"Natalia! There an attack on-" he stopped short and stared at her "What are you wearing?"

Darcy looked down at herself. One blue stiletto, one brown ankle boot, and the dress was still unbuttoned over her chest.

"New look" she winked "So, attack on what?"

"Soho. Let's go" he said and smiled. Darcy stared at him, a little dazzled before realizing she should get dressed. This dream was weird.

She quickly undressed and crawled into the catsuit, nearly tripping over the shoes on the floor as she tried to get her foot through the leg of the suit. She zipped the suit on, and looked at herself in the mirror. Nice.

Wait! Boots! She looked around her, and spotted the matching black boots. Nice, okay. Socks? Or not? She decided on not and finished the look by strapping the belt on. She looked badass now. It probably would've looked better if her hair hadn't been wet. Whatever.

She ran back out, where Bucky was waiting. He was in full mission gear: blue coat, black pants and boots. His hair was pulled back in a bun. He looked ready to kick some serious ass.

He reached out his hand and she took it, following him outside the room. Darcy got a quick look on a nice, big living room before she was pulled into an elevator. They moved upwards. When the elevator opened, they were at a landing site, looking at a jet of sorts. They ran over to it, still hand in hand. She couldn't help but smile at how much she was not out of breath.

Sitting inside, and waiting were the Hawkdude, with the bow and arrow, and Captain America himself. Darcy took a deep breath. He was so _cool_. The American Dream Hero smiled happily when he saw them

"You ditched me for breakfast, Jerk" he said and Darcy frowned. But Bucky just laughed

"Something else came up" he winked

"I bet it did" the bow guy grinned. Darcy snorted. What was his name? She knew this, why couldn't she remember it? Right, dream brain. It didn't always collaborate. The plane filled up with every Avenger, and she tried not to stare too hard at Bruce Banner, who seemed smaller in person.

Everybody sat down and awaited orders. Darcy might have been a little preoccupied with readjusting the catsuit to fully listen to the plan of attack. She was definitely regretting her choice of underwear.

"- atasha, Bucky and I will be on the ground, trying to get inside the building and find the power source" Captain America said, and Darcy looked up quickly, giving a thumbs up to show she had understood.

"I'll land it on the nearest building" the pilot, a pretty brunette, said. She had the kind of look Darcy's mom used to have, the "If you spill on my carpet, I'll kill you brutally" form of seriousness.

"Clint!" Darcy accidentally exclaimed when she finally remembered the name of Arrow Guy.

"Yes?" he asked, eyebrows raised. The others looked at her and she quickly backtracked

"Oh, uh, nothing. Never mind. Not important" she shrugged.

They landed, and ran out of the jet plane thing. Darcy followed the two soldiers out and looked at the ground. People were scattered across the street, hiding or running from what looked like overgrown lizards walking on two legs.

 Clint walked up next to her and gave her a look

"What was it?" he asked, and Darcy got the feeling he wasn't going to let it go.

"Oh, just.. Be careful" she said and clapped his arm. Ooh, musclely. He smiled and she returned it.

"You too" he said. Then he walked over to Captain America and they exchanged a few words. Darcy looked at Bucky and they made eye contact

"Ready?" he said

"Sure thing" she shrugged (This was a dream. She could totally fight of Mutant Lizards in a dream). Bucky winked and wrapped an arm around her waist. He kissed her deeply and she sighed into his mouth.

"Guys, you can make-out later" Captain America said as he walked past them with a wire of some kind over his shoulder. The Captain looked at Darcy and said:

"You forgot your earpiece" and gave her one. Oh, right. Earpiece. She quickly put it on and smiled. Bucky still had his arm around her. When she turned her head back, Captain America had disappeared. The next thing she knew, Bucky was holding the thick wire in his other hand, and winked at her. She quickly wrapped her arms around his neck as he jumped over the small rail. They slid down the wire fast and Darcy had to press her lips together to keep from screaming. Bucky was laughing in her ear, but she could hardly hear it over the pounding of her pulse. They landed, and as Darcy tried to catch her breath, Bucky and Captain America had already started firing shots at the six feet long lizards.

She pulled out a gun and stared around her. One of the beasts was crouching over a small woman and Darcy aimed a shot at its head. She hit it, and the green monster fell to the side, as blood and brains sprayed around it. Oh God, it was gross. She saw another beast drag a man down the street and tried aiming a shot at it. Just before she fired, she accidentally thought about the risk of hitting the man. As a result, the shot was completely off.

Her hands were trembling as she watched all the crying people around her.

"Bucky! Stay and fight the rest! Nat, follow me" CA ordered. She followed him, as she slowly felt more panicked. There were so many sounds, and everything were moving so fast. It seemed so _real_. The dream was _not_ fun anymore! And she wished she had put on a bra.

They reached the small space in front of the building, and stared at the lizards guarding the opening. Darcy heard a growl behind her, and turned around just as one attacked. She froze.

It knocked into her, and they both fell to the ground. She cried out when she felt it's claws tear into her shoulder, and stared up at the grotesque mouth above her. She lifted the gun, still trembling, and pulled the trigger. The lizard shrieked and fell on top of her, completely limp.

She fumbled as she tried to push it of her. It fell to the side, and she looked up at Captain America. He nodded at her and she scrambled to her feet. Her left arm was covered in blood and dust and the shoulder was hurting. She followed the man with a plan as he snuck closer.

Darcy gulped as they crouched behind a car. The pain in her arm should have woken her up. She always woke up when something attacked her. _Why hadn't she woken up?!_ She pinched her other arm. Nope. Nothing. She was still there, on a street in Manhattan, fighting lizards. She was still Natasha Romanov.

Was this _real?_

She had hardly asked herself the question, before Captain America yelled: "Cover me!".

So, apparently he was a reckless idiot, because he jumped over the car, and ran directly at the main entrance, before she had even processed what he had said.

Darcy's head was spinning and she hardly could focus her gaze as she tried staring after him.

She was not dreaming

Something exploded not far from her.

She was definitely not dreaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's russian (thank you to google translate): "You woke up", "Right now?" and "Wanna do it here or the bed?"
> 
> Okay, this first chapter was hella long. I don't think they'll all be THAT long. Congrats if you made it all the way down here. But yeah... This story is like my baby. I can't stop thinking about it. So I _really_ hope you'll like it. *heavy breathing* 
> 
> If you spot any mistakes, please tell me. English is not my first language. And THANKS for reading!!! I appreciate it!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone finds out, and let's just say... They are not happy. At all.

Okay. _Okay._

Deep breath Darcy.

If she was actually inside Natasha Romanov's body, she should have a pretty good aim, right? So she could totally cover Captain America. Right?

She almost believed it, as she crawled to the side, and got a better view. Captain America was pulling some pretty badass moves as he fought the lizards. Darcy's breath hitched as she lifted the gun and tried aiming it at one of the lizards running for him. She pulled the trigger.

And hit it's arm. It's freaking arm! God, she was awful at this!

" _Widow, come in. What is happening?"_ some man said in her ear.

"I - I'm not - I don't feel good" she stammered

" _Coulson, she should retreat"_ Bucky said, and he sounded worried

" _You wanna be pulled back in?"_ the man asked.

"Yes" Darcy replied, her voice trembling. She fell to her knees and concentrated on breathing, hoping she wasn't going to faint. This was really happening. She felt her eyes sting.

"Need a ride?" someone said beside her, and she looked up at a black man, with goggles and _wings!_ The Wilson dude!She stood up and smiled as bravely as she could. He wrapped an arm around her and they took off. He dropped her on the roof, next to the jet thing. He sent her a smile and ran back, jumping of the roof.

She quickly ran into the jet and sat down, trying really hard not to hyperventilate. She cradled her head and closed her eyes. When her breathing was almost under control again, she sat up. She had to explain it to them. Would they be angry?

" _Natasha"_ the voice said " _Are you feeling better?"_

"Yeah, a little. I uh-"

" _We may have a situation we need you to look at"_ he interrupted her, " _Some kid went berserk in Chicago. Beat the crap out of her room-mate..."_

Chicago? Wait...

"... _she knocked out four police men before they managed to shoot her with a tranquilizer. She said your name several times. Spoke a lot of Russian. Could it be another widow?"_

The last question didn't really register in her brain. The words just tumbled around in her head. Chicago. Russian. Natasha. Everything spun around her

"The room-mate?" she asked weakly, heart in her throat.

" _Barely alive_ " was the reply and it felt like nothing Darcy had ever felt before. It felt like she was drowning, like the earth sped up its orbit, like everything around her lost color.

"Val" she whispered

" _Yes, Valerie Stevens. How did you know_?"

Something hard hit the side of her face and she wondered what it was. It took her some time to realize it was the floor, and she had fallen down.

Val. _Val!_ Val was hurt. Barely alive he had said. Barely alive!

Val!

She couldn't move. She tried, but she was shaking so much, and her breath was shallow and uneven. There were black spots dancing in front of her eyes.

" _Taking her back to the Tower"_ someone said in the earpiece. A female voice.

Darcy didn't register much. Suddenly hands were lifting her. The next thing she noticed was a strong white light. She groaned. It hurt her eyes. She was lying on something. It was a blur.

Someone was speaking near her, but she couldn't distinguish the separate words.

Valerie. Val.

Barely alive.

_Val!_

She should help her. Lying here didn't help her.

Darcy blinked several times, until the ceiling became clear. There were holes in the corner. The light came from a fluorescent lamp. Like in a hospital.

She sat up and looked around her. She was on a bed, still in catsuit. There was a man in a grey suit sitting next to her, reading something from a tablet. He looked up and smiled a relieved smile

"I see you woke up". Darcy nodded and he moved the chair closer "Who is Val?" he asked and she winced. How was she going to explain this?

"You kept saying the name over and over, so I figured it was important to you"

"I am not-" she started and coughed. Her voice was raw.

"We have agents out there, watching both girls" he said, to reassure her. Darcy took a deep breath and started speaking

"I am not Natasha," she said "my name is -"

"You're having a flashback?" he half asked, half stated, and smiled again, "Nat, this is not the Red Room. It's me. Phil"

"No, you don't understand!" she cried with a shaking voice, "My name is Darcy Lewis". The mention of her name made his eyes bulge.

"That's the girl who attacked..." his voice trailed off as realization slowly hit.

"Natasha must have attacked my room-mate, when she woke up in my body" Darcy mumbled, but she quickly stopped, when she saw his face grow dark. He pulled out a gun and pointed it at her, while moving backwards.

"Don't. Move" he ordered. Darcy's throat tightened when she looked into the barrel. She was so screwed.

"I promise I don't -" she tried, but he gave her a look to shut her up.

"I need backup!" he yelled. Three agents ran into the room. "Tie her up!" he ordered. Darcy let them strap her to the bed, hoping that her collaboration would help convince them she wasn't a threat. One of the agents pointed a gun at her as the man, Phil, was hiding in the open door. Natasha Romanov probably had super hearing, because Darcy could hear him mutter into his earpiece

"The girl, Darcy Lewis. I need her released into our care. Now! Run a background check on her and the room-mate! I need all on them and their families". He walked back into the room, and made the agents stand back.

"Inform the team when they come back" he whispered to one of them, and the guy walked out.

"Sir, look I-" she tried again but stopped when he looked at her.

"Miss Lewis, I need to retrieve one of my best agents. But trust me, I want to hear how you switched bodies with her when I get back."

"I didn't!" Darcy cried "I just woke up in her body!"

"It's 1 in the afternoon, Miss. That's a long time ago" he said disbelievingly. Darcy winced, because: okay - good point.

"I thought I was dreaming" she told him quietly. He snorted and turned around, telling the two other agents to watch her. Then he left. Darcy slumped back on the bed and sighed.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed when someone finally knocked on the door and walked in.

"We have a cell for her" the voice said, and Darcy looked up. It was a blonde woman, and she looked like Darcy had insulted her mother, when she looked at her. "I got this" she told the men, "wait outside".

It turned out she was here to clean the wounds on Darcy's shoulder and help her out of the catsuit and into some shirt and pants in a matching grey color. Darcy cooperated quietly, trying very hard to not seem threatening. They walked out of the room when she was dressed, and the two agents flanked them. Darcy kept her gaze on the ground, letting them lead her down the hall.

A loud stomping made all of them stop. She looked up and met the terrifying stare of Bucky Barnes. His hair was a mess, there was blood on his cheek and his mouth was set in an angry snarl. He was scary. A thousand times scarier than the lizards.

"What have you done with her?!" he growled but she didn't have time to answer. His metal hand wrapped around her throat and he slammed her against the wall.

"ANSWER ME!!" he yelled and shook her, making her head hit the wall again. His eyes burned with hate, and Darcy gasped for breath. He had lifted her up, so her feet were barely touching the ground. She tried her best to stand on her toes, as he shook her hard.

Her vision was getting blurry and her lungs hurt. The grip around her throat was hurting so bad, and Darcy was pretty sure she was crying. Her hands were scratching at his, trying to loosen the grip, but it made no difference.

Something blue appeared next to her, but it was too blurry for her to see what it was.

The grip loosened and she fell to her knees gasping hard. Oh, sweet oxygen in her heaving lungs. She coughed and ran a hand over her throat. It burned so bad.

"I'm.... sorry" she gasped.

"Let's go, Buck" Captain America's voice said above her. It was a clear order. The agents pulled her to her feet and half-dragged her down the hall.

They put her in a small cell, with no windows. There was a narrow bed and a primitive toilet in the corner. Darcy sat down on the bed and looked at the dull, grey walls. Her throat was hurting and she was still a little dizzy. She curled up in a ball, and closed her eyes and focused on her breathing.

Freaking out would not help. Freaking out would not help. Not. Help. She repeated it in her head over and over. It almost worked. But she was constantly on the verge of hyperventilating. She was pretty fucked right now. Hopefully she could convince them she was harmless.

* * *

 

It proved harder than she had first anticipated. She was mostly left alone, aside from the occasional questioning. Darcy didn't know how much time had passed, but based on the number of meals she had received, she was guessing almost three days since she first got there.

She hadn't really slept. When she closed her eyes, she felt the cold hand around her neck, squeezing the air out of her and she started hyperventilating again. She was exhausted, hungry and terrified.

The agents had questioned her several times already. They obviously weren't accepting her explanation. The first interrogation was done by Phil Coulson. He had her dragged into a small room, and handcuffed to a chair. An agent had been standing next to her the whole time, probably ready to take her down if she tried something.

"Tell me your full name" Coulson had said from across the table, a blank expression on his face

"Darcy Marianne Lewis"

"And who do you work for?" he had asked

"Macy's" Darcy had replied and his mouth had grown into a thin line

"Yes, I have all the information on you right here" he gestured to a folder on the table "Darcy Lewis, Culver graduate with a degree in political science, lived in Chicago for a year, originally from Indianapolis. Only child, with your mother deceased, father currently living in an Home for Alzheimer's Patients, and room-mate in a coma"

Darcy had winced at the mention of her family and Val, but Coulson had continued: "Now, you can see how this back-story can seem very _convenient_ for you, it is tragic and humanizing, and hardly any witnesses. So I'll ask you again: Who do you work for?"

She had taken a deep breath and responded: "No one. I didn't do this"

"We will find the truth, Miss Lewis, no matter what. Is it Hydra?"

"As in the Nazi's?" Darcy had asked before remembering the scandal with SHIELD/HYDRA that had been all over the news. She had swallowed and extra time and said: "No. No I don't work for Hydra. Or anyone"

"is it AIM? Or are you working on your own?" he had looked at her with a calm and yet patience

"No, I don't even know who that is! Look, if I could just explain..."

"Fine, explain." he smiled terrifyingly, "Tell us your version"

"Uh, okay so... I have always had very vivid dreams. When I was a kid, I could never tell what was real or not. I have gotten much better at identifying dreams from reality now. So, I went to bed in my apartment in Chicago, and when I woke up I was not in my apartment. In fact, I wasn't even me" she had tried very hard to keep her voice calm, and speak at a reasonable pace, "I was the Black Widow. Now, I had watched the gala the night before, so I just thought I was dreaming"

He had raised an eyebrow then, not looking very impressed, so Darcy had tried explaining: "I mean, one time I watched Downton Abbey before bed, and I dreamt I was one of their maids after that. The next day I kept slipping into a British accent, it was horrible. I mean... I am usually affected by what I do before bed. So, I thought it had to be a dream"

"Then what happened?"

"Well, uh..." she had blushed, "Barnes walked in, and uh... given his closeness to Romanov, uh... Well" she had given him a look and Darcy could had sworn she had seen a twinkle of amusement in his eyes for just a second.

"So, after you had sex with Sergeant Barnes, what happened?" he had the best poker face Darcy had ever seen,

"I looked though all of her dresses. I never had a walk-in closet, and they were all really pretty" she had looked him in the eyes, "and then the alarm went off, and I followed them on the mission. I started to dislike my dream, because the lizards were scary and I was not good at fighting. And then I started wondering if maybe I wasn't dreaming. And that's why I freaked out and got taken back"

"That'll be all for now" he had said and left. Another agent had walked in, and taken a blood sample from her arm. The she was returned to the cell.

Other agents had questioned her since then. They clearly didn't believe her, and as she slumped against the wall, she thought to herself that her explanation was a little weak, what with not coming clean right away. Hopefully they could see her old medical papers about her dream problems.

Sometimes she could hear comments through the door, and she had caught little bits of info. She knew they had questioned her father, Val's parents and some of their college friends. And she had heard that Natasha Romanov was back.

Darcy let her head fall back against the wall and took a deep breath. Every time a agent walked in, she asked them about Valerie, but they never replied. She was clinging to the small hope that if Val had died, they would tell her, so nothing had happened yet.

Her chest hurt so bad, every time she thought about her best friend. Her breathing became even worse than when she thought about the chokehold. It was so horrible, not being able to help, not even _seeing her_!

Darcy closed her eyes and tried thinking about something else. Anything else.

* * *

 

Darcy was staring into the wall, and trying to think about nice things when the door opened behind her. She ignored it and continued staring. She knew it was stupid, but she really missed her yellow walls back home.

The agent behind her was an impatient, not-so-gentle person, because she was pulled onto the floor and hand-cuffed roughly. It was probably the guy she had taken to call 'Agent Eyebrow" in her head. She didn't look up to confirm, she just followed them, keeping her head down.

She had hit a low point. Her hair was a greasy lump, her skin was itching, and her neck was sore. She felt hopeless and exhausted. Sleep still eluded her, and they still didn't believe her.

They walked into an empty room, with one wall covered in a large mirror. Darcy was pretty sure people were standing behind the glass, looking at her, but she didn't care. She held back a gasp when her eyes ran over the bruises on her neck. They were big, and dark and gross. She could see each finger's mark, and she could practically feel them close around her throat again.

Her cuffs were taken of and a few agents, Agent Eyebrow and the blonde woman from earlier stood on either side of her. A smaller man dragged a weird machine towards her, and instructed her to spread her arms and legs.

He started moving a sensor up her right leg and the machine beeped loudly

"No, not like that. You're not supposed to touch the body" a female voice said, and Darcy looked up. Ah, yes, there was a small speaker over the mirror.

"No no, closer to the leg!" the voice said in a frustrated tone.

"Don't move" Eyebrow ordered Darcy and she tried to keep still.

"Be careful man! It's a delicate machine!" the woman was yelling through the speaker as the man moved over to her left leg, "Goddamn Andrews, I told you it shouldn't touch the leg, I'm gonna..."

The speaker fell silent and a few seconds after, a small brunette burst through the door and ran towards them. She had a pair of safety goggles in her hair and a very frustrated expression on her face.

"Step back, Dr. Foster" Agent Eyebrow said, his voice a deep rumble, "It's not safe, and Odinson will not like-"

"Oh please! If Andrews can be in here, then so can I!" the woman argued and pulled the sensor out of Andrews' hands, "Get out!" she ordered and he ran towards the door.

Darcy pressed her lips together to keep from smiling. It felt a little sad, to hold back her first real smile in days, but she had to remain respectful. One thing was sure though, she immediately liked this fierce science-woman.

The examination, or whatever it was, didn't last long. Dr. Foster didn't say much, she just moved the sensor around Darcy's body and mumbled a little to herself. Afterwards she remained in the room as Darcy was cuffed and escorted back to her cell.

Darcy sighed. All she wanted to do was sleep.

* * *

 

A loud bang woke her up and she scrambled backwards on the bed in surprise. Her heart was pounding so hard as two agents walked up to her. The door was slammed open and the light from the hall outside shone into the cell. They pulled her to her feet, and she followed them into the interrogation room. Waiting for her was Coulson and the brunette who had flown the jet on the mission. Oh no, not again. 

"Tell us who you work for" they asked and Darcy couldn't hold back a groan. For some reason the question made her really angry this time. Probably because they woke her up from her first real sleep in days.

"I _told_ you already! I don't work for anyone!" she answered loudly

"Keep your voice down" the woman said "and tell us how you did it"

"I didn't do it!" Darcy yelled, "I thought I was dreaming!"

"That is not a plausible explanation" was the cold reply

"But it's the truth!" she had lost it now, "I know that you guys deal with crazy ass aliens and freaky stuff on a daily basis _but I don't!_ The weirdest thing that has ever happened to me, before this, was the time my toaster went off, and no one remembered turning it on! So yeah, I concluded it was a dream. And... that's all there is to it" she slumped back in the chair, fuming with anger.

They exchanged glances and then Coulson said: "Fine. If your dreams are as vivid as you say, we'll test it"

The next thing she knew, Darcy was in a big lab, and people were strapping all kinds of electrodes and monitors to her. They made her lie down in a small bed, cuffed her hand, and placed some sort of helmet on her head. Some of the machines were blinking and others beeped loudly. The helmet was warm and uncomfortable, and she was not feeling relaxed at all

"Just go to sleep" someone said next to her

"That's easy for you to say" she mumbled angrily under her breath and closed her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please hit me up if you spot any mistakes or have any questions.
> 
> This was a hard one to write. I'm not good with angsty things... We will now more about what happened in Chicago, I promise.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jane Foster is awesome. That's all.

Surprisingly, she did not fall asleep strapped to a bunch of machines, with five scientists standing around her. Really, what did they expect?

When the sun started shining through the windows, Darcy gave up trying. She was sleep-deprived and grumpy as she removed the helmet and sat up. Someone had placed a plastic bowl filled with oatmeal next to her, and she carefully lifted it, trying not to spill. Eating with one hand cuffed to the bedside was challenging, but she found a way. Balancing the bowl in her lap, she watched the room. The scientists buzzed around the lab, looking through things or cleaning stuff up.

They had placed the bed in the far end of the room, probably to make sure she didn't spy on any of the science. As if she could understand any of it anyway. She sighed.

The slim brunette, who had scanned her earlier, appeared, walking around the room and looking at the others' work. Darcy ate in silence. Her stomach growled at the food and she sighed again. She hadn't had a proper meal since the taco's back in Chicago.

The brunette walked over to her, with a folder in her hands

"Did you sleep last night?" she asked, her eyes on the paper in front of her

"No, it's hard with an audience" Darcy grumbled

"I believe you" she snorted, and for a few seconds the woman smiled at her, before she stopped herself.

"Sooo... What happens now?"

"Well, you could try again. Dr. Silverman doesn't have to be here, for you to use his machine"

"Woohoo" Darcy said sarcastically and gave her the empty bowl. The scientist helped her put the helmet back on. God she felt silly wearing it. She tried snuggling into the hard madras, and grumbled when it wasn't possible. She closed her eyes and tried thinking about relaxing things.

It didn't work. She could still hear the scientists walk around the room, talking in hushed voices. Damn the super hearing! She could hear a few of them discussing the different theories about her. So far they had checked her for the X-gene, and for magic involvement. One guy was suggesting a lie detector, another truth-serum. Darcy snorted. If they had a truth-serum, why hadn't they used it yet?

This was idiotic. But it was more interesting than lying in the small cell.

* * *

Another two days passed like that. Darcy was strapped to the bed at all time, except a few bathroom breaks. She slept with the helmet on, and watched the scientist fiddle around the room. It was boring, but at least she had one good nightmare about choking and beeping machines. Hopefully they could read something from it.

The brunette was named Jane Foster, and she was the most friendly person Darcy had met, since she woke up in the wrong body. Darcy was sure she had heard the name before, but she couldn't place it. Foster would walk by her bed and ask her if she slept, or if she needed some water. Once, she had been carrying a mug, and Darcy nearly moaned when she smelled the freshly brewed coffee

"I haven't had coffee in _days_ " she sighed and Foster laughed

"I feel your pain. But I'm only allowed to give you water" she smiled sympathetically.

"It's okay" Darcy gave her a small smile in return, "So... do you know how long I will remain strapped to a bed?"

"I'm not sure"

"Damn..."

"Look, I've checked the data from the dreams and - while this is in no way my field of expertise - it does indicate that your response to dreams is above average. I am not sure it clears you completely, but it looks like there's something to your explanation" the woman said, a hint of encouragement in her voice

"That's good, I guess" Darcy tried smiling

"The biggest puzzle is how it happened" Foster smiled, and Darcy could see the excitement over the _science_ gleam in her eyes.

"See if you can sleep" Foster said, and walked away.

And for once, Darcy fell asleep fast. She knew, because she was suddenly sitting cross-legged in a meadow, looking at her father and old dog play catch, and that had to be a dream.

Bass, the dog, had been put down when she was fourteen. Also the colors were super weird, everything was slightly orange. So, dream it was. She got up and walked over to them, laughing at their happy faces (Yes, Bass looked happy). Darcy threw the ball as far as she could, and Bass kept running. He didn't return. And when Darcy turned to her father, his eyes were dark and he took a step closer to her

"Daddy?" she asked nervously. He just smiled madly at her, and she started running. But he was faster, and he ran straight into her, making her fall to the ground

"Dad, dad... don't!" she begged but he wrapped both hands around her neck

"I know what you did" he whispered and tightened his grip until everything went black.

She woke with a shriek, fighting the cuff as she cried and tried to breathe. The machines were beeping like crazy, and she was coughing and spitting. A flood of scientists ran to her side, and released her from the wires and electrodes

"Breathe, Darcy, breathe" Foster's voice sounded above the beeping. Darcy tried focusing on it, and slowly her breath became more manageable. It was still hitched, and uneven, and she couldn't stop the tears falling down her cheeks

"Choked. Can't. Breathe" she croaked out and slumped back in the bed

"It's okay..." Foster said, but it wasn't. It really wasn't. She was alone, held sort of prisoner, and her dad was home in Indianapolis, and she couldn't call him because she was strapped to a bed, and - oh right - someone else!

"We have some pretty solid data," a voice she recognized as Dr. Silverman's, said, "as long as this wasn't a one-time -"

"Oh shut up!" Foster interrupted loudly and pushed a greasy curl out of Darcy's face. She whimpered at the touch, she couldn't help it. She hadn't been touched that gently in days.

She didn't really notice what happened around her after that, she just focused on her ragged breathing.

God she missed her dad! She hadn't called him what felt like forever! And right now it seemed like she never would again. Her silly father, who always had a pack of mints in his pocket, and used to yell at the TV, and always held her hand. Who still remembered her voice, when nothing else made sense in his world. She cried for him. She cried for herself. She just cried and cried.

"Shhh, shhh" a soothing voice said, and fingers intertwined with hers. Darcy opened her eyes, and looked up. Foster was there, sitting next to her, and holding her hand. Her soft doe-eyes were filled with comfort, as she rubbed her thumb in circles on Darcy's hand.

"Just take some deep breaths, okay?" she said, "I am right here". Darcy swallowed and tried smiling.

"Why are you so nice?" she hiccupped. Foster smiled, and the skin around her eyes crinkled adorably

"I figured you needed it" she said and Darcy just nodded, in fear of starting to bawl her eyes out again. Foster continued whispering calming nothings as she sat with her. It was nice. Darcy was going to be forever grateful for this woman to enter her life.

"Jane" a deep voice said, and Darcy looked up. Thor (freaking) Odinson was standing right there, giving them both a serious glare

"Yes?" Foster asked

"What are you doing?" he asked, and Darcy cringed. Damn, he sounded angry, "This woman might be a threat, and you're _holding her hand?!"_

"Thor -" she answered with a sigh but he interrupted her

"You're not safe" he stepped closer

"I can handle it" Foster said, and sent him a glare in return

"Please..." he begged and gave her a look. He had serious puppy-eye game, and Darcy wondered how Foster could resist it. But she did, giving him another impatient glare. Thor turned around and left, and Foster gave Darcy an apologetic look

"Sorry about that. He's very protective" she half-smiled.

They held hands for a while, in complete silence. It was nice. Then Dr. Silverman returned, and Foster made sure Darcy was calmed enough down to talk to him, before she let go of her hand.

He sat down in front of her and started asking her questions about her dreams, how they felt, how she knew they were dreams, etc. It felt different, like he took her explanation seriously. Darcy was pretty sure at least Dr. Foster believed her, and that gave her a flicker of hope. More hope than she had dared to have in a what felt like forever.

* * *

Later that day, Agent Angry Blonde appeared, removing the cuff from the bed, and making Darcy stand on the floor. Coulson walked in, followed by Hawkeye, Thor, Captain America and a shorter person, in a large hoodie and dark jeans. It wasn't until they were closer, she realized the hooded person was herself - uh Natasha.

Oh oh.

Taking her eyes of herself was impossible, as they Natasha removed the hood. Darcy let out a strangled noise. Wow, that was literally the weirdest thing, she had ever experienced.

She had to look a little down, to look at her own face. It wasn't like looking at a mirror. It was like looking at a someone else, but also herself. Her eyes kept seeing differences that weren't there. The only thing she was sure was different, was that her curls were wilder than she remembered, spilling down her shoulders and back. God this was some freaky shit.

Darcy was pretty sure, her face had never had such cold, calculated expression before. She tried smiling, but the frown on all three faces made her stop. Natasha took a step forward and looked up at her

"How are you?" she asked, and started circling her, while Darcy took a second to recover from hearing her own voice outside her head

"Five by five" Darcy's mouth answered, without consulting her brain, and she promptly cringed. Captain America and Coulson both frowned deeper, but Darcy thought she could glimpse the hint of a laugh, in the corners of Hawkeye's mouth.

"This is no time for jokes" Coulson said

"Right, sorry..." Darcy looked at her feet. Natasha had finished the circle, bringing them face to face, and she narrowed her eyes. Darcys's eyes? Her eyes? This was so confusing

"How did you do it?" she asked, and her voice was hard as steel

"I didn't" Darcy said, meeting her gaze, "This is so weird" she added, under her breath

"It would be in your own best interest to tell us, Miss Lewis" Coulson said and Darcy felt her shoulders drop in frustration. She was so close to rolling her eyes

"Coulson - sorry to interrupt -" Foster said from the corner, with a facial expression that did not look sorry at all, "but have you looked at the data from Dr. Silverman?" she walked over to them, holding a file, "It clearly indicates that she, in most cases, responds much harder to her dreams than others"

"I have seen it, Dr. Foster, but the fact of the matter is-" Coulson answered, but the scientist talked over him

"Her pulse quickened, her brain seems more stimulated than normal - look, her body responded to the stress in her dreams, in the same strength as it would awake" she pointed to the file, "Especially the one nightmare, yesterday morning, has sky-high numbers. This data cannot be ignored!" the last bit came out almost angry, and Darcy felt her heart swell with fondness over Jane Foster.

The feeling didn't last long, because in that moment Bucky Barnes himself strolled into the lab, calling out loudly

"Made her talk yet?"

Darcy's breath got hitched and her pulse quickened. Shit! He looked at her with cold eyes when he reached them. Natasha walked to his side, and he wrapped an arm around her. Darcy blinked a couple of times, because _Bucky Barnes was holding her_! Well, kind of. If someone took a picture right now, no one would know it wasn't actually her.

Man, this was confusing!

"Tell us how you did it, girl" Barnes ordered and flexed his metal hand. Darcy involuntarily lifted her own and touched her neck. Just looking at the fingers made her throat tighten

"I. Didn't. Do. It" She finally said, through gritted teeth. She was getting _real_ tired of that question.

"Really, Coulson, we should consider the-" Foster started again, just as Barnes opened his mouth

"Enough!" Coulson yelled, "Jane, be quiet! Barnes, control yourself! Miss Lewis, there is no way I am setting you free, until I can know with certainty that you're not a threat to my team!"

"But how do you expect me to prove that, when you don't believe a fucking word I say?!" Darcy yelled back, "I mean, if you could just read my mind, you'd know that-" she continued, but Coulson lifted a hand to stop her

"Read your - excuse me, I gotta make a call" he turned around and half-ran out of the room.

Natasha gave Darcy a dark look (with _her own_ face, so creepy) and followed Coulson. Barton followed, and Thor pulled Jane with him. The scientist managed to send Darcy an encouraging smile over her shoulder, and Darcy mouthed the words _Thank You_ to her

Barnes took a step closer, an unreadable - but definitely not friendly - look on his face.

"We will find the truth" he told her

"That's what I am hoping for" she responded. He snarled and stomped out of the room, followed by Hawkeye and Captain America. Oh man - Awkward much?

Angry Blonde Agent escorted her back to the bed, and re-cuffed her. Then she left her, with one final scowl. Darcy glared after her, feeling sorry for whoever she was dating.

Foster walked back in, carrying a bowl, sending Darcy a small smile

"I snuck you some soup. It's not good, but it's warm" she said when she reached her. Darcy balanced the bowl in her lap, and started eating. She was getting pretty good at eating with the wrong hand

"Well that went well" Foster joked and Darcy laughed

"I guess..." she gave the scientist a little smile, "They're all so angry though"

"Yeah," the brunette winked at her "I guess the sex made it real weird for Barnes"

Darcy nearly spat out the soup in her mouth. _Oh God!_

"How'd you...?" she coughed, and Foster laughed

"I read your file" she grinned, "And between you and me... I can't really blame you for exploring your dream" she winked again and Darcy coughed out a laugh.

"Uh..."

"Just, for the record, if it had been Thor... I would have been pissed too" Jane smiled and got up, leaving Darcy to her soup and her swirling thoughts

She had slept with Bucky Barnes.

With everything that had happened, she hadn't really given the morning much thought, but... Oh wow. It had actually happened. Bucky Barnes, the Howling Commando, had fucked her against his bathroom wall. How was this even real?

No wonder he was pissed. No wonder NATASHA was pissed.

"Fuck" Darcy muttered, because sleeping with Barnes - not exactly the best way to make Natasha Romanov like you. In fact, it seemed like a pretty good way to get _killed_.

She ran her free hand through her gross hair, and tried getting comfortable in the bed. Man, she was utterly fucked. And seriously tired of lying on this horrible mattress. She groaned loudly. Making angry noises helped a little, so she did it again.

Hopefully, the thing that made Coulson run out of the room, was something that would help her.

Hopefully

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! You spot any mistake, please tell me! And share all your thoughts and ideas with me, here or [tumblr](tutselutse.tumblr.com) , if you wanna :D
> 
> Can you guess who Coulson is calling? :D


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, I just struggled a lot with writing this :( Anywho, here it is!

Darcy waited for most of the morning, eating a little oatmeal, and watching the scientist buzz around the lab. A lot of them seemed to work on how to switch her and Natasha back. About time, if you asked Darcy. Dr. Foster kept sending her small smiles from her desk, before returning her attention to the computer and frowning.

When Darcy had finished her lunch-oatmeal ( _s_ o _y_ u _m_ ), the doors to the lab opened and a small group walked into the room. Foster jumped to her feet, and ran to Darcy's side, giving her shoulder an encouraging squeeze.

Darcy looked up and smiled briefly, before returning her gaze to the newcomers. Natasha, Barnes, Captain America was there, alongside the Angry Blonde Agent. Coulson was there as well, talking to a man in a wheelchair, and a tall man wearing shades indoors.

The wheelchair-man looked curiously at her, an amused set in his lips. Darcy was uncuffed and escorted to a small chair, where she was - surprise surprise - cuffed again. Natasha stood next to her, not even glancing her way. It was probably weird for her to look at herself unwashed and gross. Darcy kept glancing up though, Natasha held her body much straighter, much more controlled than Darcy ever could. It was strange.

"Miss Lewis, this is Professor Xavier, he will clear this whole thing up" Coulson said, and gave her a stern look - it almost seemed parental?

"Coolio" Darcy nodded, "Nice to meet you, professor" she looked at wheelchair-man. The light was reflecting on his bald head, and the corner of his mouth twitched when she noticed

"This is _fascinating!_ " he smiled and his eyes flickered back and forth between her and Natasha, "You're minds are completely switched, but... Both minds _yearn_ for their own body. It's like they know they're close"

"Miss Romanov, please step aside" he said and rolled up to Darcy. " _Relax, Miss Lewis, open your mind"_ his voice sounded but his mouth didn't move, and she gasped.

He... he was inside her head! Slowly memories started flying past her eyes fast, in no particular order. It was confusing and a little nauseating to have someone rummage through her mind. Every memory felt like the moment it happened, but the feeling disappeared fast as another one surfaced.

She re-lived the time she won a spelling contest, endless calculus classes, Valerie telling her about the promotion and almost crying. She fell on her bike and scraped her knee, she graduated Culver, she lost her virginity to Andy Flint, in his old truck. She said goodbye to her mother, and cried for days. She woke up in Natasha's body, she dreamt about the pyramids, her mother, and she was slammed against the wall by a metal hand.

It ended with the funeral, the moment she stood by the grave with a pink rose in her small hand. Darcy remembered placing the rose felt like the final goodbye. There was no going back, so she tightened her grab around it, ignored the thorns and pressed her lips together as she tried to take the last step and do it.

Her father squeezed her other hand, with his big warm one, and they took the step together.

She looked back up at the wheelchair dude, and blinked her tears away. He smiled kindly, and patted her arm. " _It's okay. Just take a deep breath_ ". As she breathed through her mouth, he turned his attention towards the rest of them

"This is Darcy Lewis, and she has no idea why she's in the wrong body. She's more innocent than the rest of you" he said and his voice was ice cold, "I suggest you apologize to the girl, and giver her, her freedom back"

Then with one final smile at her, he wheeled out of the lab. Darcy felt a small blush in her cheeks as she looked up at the rest of them. Jane was beaming at her and it made her want to laugh, but no one else where meeting her eyes. Instead it seemed the floor was very interesting

"You could've called that guy sooner, you know" Darcy commented, making Jane snort loudly

Coulson looked up and smiled: "You're right. I'm sorry - oh wait, you're still cuffed" he quickly ran over and released her. Darcy grunted in response and rubbed her eyes.

"We'll have a talk in a bit, but I need a word with Xavier, and you might want a proper shower"

"Oh God, yes!" she cried and smiled brightly at the thought of soap.

Jane was in front of her then, hugging her. Captain America clapped her on the shoulder awkwardly and smiled. Weird. The rest of them just nodded at her and left. Darcy was actually relieved. Looking at her own face was seriously creeping her out, and she was definitely not ready to talk to Barnes yet.

"Come on, you can use our shower!" Jane exclaimed and dragged her into an elevator.

* * *

The shower was perfect. Warm water spraying over her body, lavender scented soap and what looked like pretty expensive shampoo and conditioner. Then again, Thor had really nice hair, so...

When she finally felt clean, she walked out of the shower and inspected herself in the mirror. Her skin was all pink from the scrubbing, the bruises on her neck had faded, and she didn't look much thinner than before the captivity-diet. On the table was a pile of clothes. It was a pair of sweatpants, a blue tank top and a big hoodie. Nice comfy stuff.

Fully dressed, she walked back into the living room. Foster smiled and handed her a large mug of _coffee_

"I love you" she told the scientist and took a deep sip. _Oh God it was unbelievably good!_ The brunette was laughing at her, as she emptied the entire mug. Whatever, Darcy loved her coffee, okay?

She looked around the living room, whistling a little when she saw how impressive it was. Big windows, a nice, huge red couch, flat screen, a small bar in the corner, a large bookcase covering an entire wall and a lot of posters of stars and planets and universe-stuff

"This place is beautiful" she commented and Foster beamed at her, "What's with all the galaxy-posters?"

"Oh, well... I am an astrophysicist, actually. I love space. So does Thor, so we just -"

"Wait wait wait!" Darcy interrupted, "You're an astrophysicist? Jane Foster, astrophysicist. Why does that - Oh!" she exclaimed and Foster looked at her weirdly, "You worked at Culver, right?" Darcy asked

"Yes, I did, before. How?"

"Oh my God, I almost applied for your internship!" she made a wild gesture with her hands

" _Really_?" Foster gaped

"Yes! Oh my God, how crazy is that?" Darcy couldn't help but grin, "I wanted to, but then Val got me an internship with her Uncle, a geologist, and I thought that would be easier than space-stuff"

"That is crazy!" Jane was still gaping, "You know, you probably would have been there when we found Thor, if you had applied"

"Oh..." Darcy's jaw dropped, "well, I got to look at rocks, so, I mean, I definitely win" she said sarcastically. Jane chortled, and took a sip from her own coffee.

"Want something to eat?" she asked and Darcy nodded. Jane found some frozen bagels, and defrosted them in the microwave, while Darcy watched her. The kitchen was pretty awesome as well, spotless steel and colorful paintings.

While they waited, Jane explained a little about her work. She was currently the scientist with the most experience with Asgardian magic, and as she said herself, she was pretty close to solving some of it.  Darcy listened, not really understanding half of it, but something about electrons and different charging. Or something?

She was picking a bagel apart in her hands and nibbling on the pieces, when Thor walked into the kitchen. He smiled at them both, and gave Jane a small peck on the cheek before turning his full attention towards Darcy

"I apologize for doubting you." he told her earnestly, "I should have listened to my Jane when she told me she trusted you" he bowed his head, and before Darcy could respond, he pulled her into a big bear hug. Oh wow he was strong, she thought, her face was smashed into his chest, and his arms squeezed her

"I hope you can forgive me someday, Lady Darcy" he said and smiled down at her

"Um, sure" she squeaked out in response. He was simply too earnest and kind for her to be angry.

"Now, I believe Son of Coul wants to have words with you. Let me show you the way!" he said and with one arm wrapped around her shoulder, he practically carried her towards the elevator.

Thor left her with an encouraging nod and a meant-as-gentle push in the back, as she walked through the door into the office.

* * *

Phil Coulson sat in front of her, a much kinder smile on his lips, than what she was used to. Darcy fiddled with her sleeve and smiled nervously back

"Now, first of all, I'd like to apologize again for the long time we kept you captured or strapped to things. I had to make sure you weren't a threat to my team. However, it seems I have spent more time thinking of ways you could trick me, than listening to you. For that I am terribly sorry. We have transferred a sum of money to your account as compensation", she nodded in understanding, "Secondly, I have to inform you that you cannot leave the Tower and return to your home until we have solved this. And we'd like it, if you remained indoors most of the time. If you want to go outside, you'll need protection"

"Okay"

"And thirdly, we have covered up the whole incident in Chicago, and your charges have been dropped. No one will think it was you"

"What about Val?" Darcy felt a lump in her throat

"She has diffuse axonal injury, and she's currently in a coma. The doctors aren't sure how bad it is yet. I am sorry to tell you that if it the damage is very severe, 90% don't wake up again. We're having her transferred to an excellent hospital here in New York soon"

"Oh" her stomach dropped. 90 % never woke up again. No, she had to wake up, she had to!

"I am sorry about everything" he said again, "I hope it hasn't been too traumatic for you. If so, tell me, and I can assign you some therapy"

"Thanks... I guess" she shrugged and stared at her hands

"I suggest you get a hot meal, and a good night's rest" he smiled

"Sure" Darcy replied, and walked out of the office in a haze

The fact that she was free, suddenly didn't seem so amazing anymore. Poor Val. What was she going to do? She couldn't just _sit_ here and wait, but... She couldn't exactly leave either. Her sight started swimming, and she blinked, making the tears run slowly down her cheek.

She hadn't even noticed walking into the elevator, let alone pressing any buttons, but suddenly the door made a _ding_ -sound and opened. She walked slowly into the hall, looking at her feet. A few steps into the room, her knees gave in and she stumbled to the floor.

She somehow managed to scoot herself up against the wall, but then things went kind of dark. It was like being choked all over again, but worse, because the pain came from the inside, like her lungs were collapsing.

Nothing in the world mattered more than Valerie waking up. Nothing.

Darcy would do anything, everything to have her friend back. It was just so damned hard, when you couldn't even lift your hand to dry your tears.

Val would probably roll her eyes and say "Dee, you're embarrassing yourself. Get up and stop being such a wuss" or something like that. The blonde had never been a sentimental person. In fact, she handled Darcy's displays of affection pretty awkwardly.

What a fucking mess, she thought, and she couldn't help but get angry. Angry at stupid Coulson for keeping her there, angry at stupid Natasha for beating the crap out of her friend. But mostly, she was angry at herself. If only she had realized what was going on, she could've... she could've called Val, she could've warned someone...

"Darcy, Darcy!" someone shook her

"Careful" another, deeper voice said. Darcy noticed strong arms, a weird high-pitched noise, and red. Lots of deep red around her.

The high-pitched noise turned out to be coming from her own mouth, and stopping it was easy enough. The red turned out to be Jane Foster and Thor's couch. She was facing into the couch, with arms around her and hands on her legs. After some blinking, her vision cleared, and she could see Foster in front of her

"What happened?" the astrophysicist asked, a furrow between her brows

"It's my room-mate, Val. I just heard what happened to her" Darcy whispered, and the arms tightened around her

"I am deeply sorry" Thor's deep voice sounded behind her, "Let us hope the Norns have blessed her with many years of life to come"

"Thanks?" Darcy said, even though she wasn't really sure what he was talking about

"Are you feeling better?" Dr. Foster asked

"Yeah... I think so" she replied, and smiled as best as she could. It probably wasn't very convincing

"Let's order some food then" Foster smiled

When the enormous amount of Vietnamese food arrived, and Darcy could smell the pho soup, she suddenly realized how hungry she was.

* * *

They ate at the huge dinner table, talking a little, and just enjoying the food. According to Foster, she wasn't _much_ of a cook, so they often ordered takeaway. As she explained, Thor sent Darcy a wide-eyed look, and when Foster went to get more water, he whispered that in fact Foster was completely hopeless in a kitchen, and he didn't trust her near the pots much. Then he winked.

Darcy had to take a few deep breaths, and blink a little extra, because she was getting really overwhelmed with how nice they were to her. Thor talked to her like he really wanted to get to know her, and Foster kept sending her the encouraging smiles she had started to do in the labs.

At first Darcy thought they got confused because she looked like Natasha, and they were used to being nice to _her_ , but it seemed like more. Thor started asking her questions about Valerie, and even though it felt like someone punched a hole in her chest, it was also kind of comforting to talk about her

"We met in freshman year at college, I think the first time we talked was at a party. Anyway, she was a lot of fun, and my room-mate was very _very_ Christian, so sometimes I had to hide in Valerie's room and say all the curse-words I couldn't say during the week" she grinned and earned a chuckle from both of her listeners.

"She always calls me on my shit, you know. And she is such a nerd, I can't even remember how many t-shirts she has with shark-puns on them, but it is more than any human should own" Darcy took another sip of water. She was hungry, but her stomach wasn't too happy will all the food, so she ate the soup slowly

"She sounds like a worthy companion and a strong woman" Thor nodded

"I'm so sorry" Foster whispered and looked at her food

"Thanks" Darcy mumbled

They finished dinner in silence. She tried helping with the dishes, but Thor shook his head and pushed her out of the kitchen. Instead Foster prepared a guest room, and Darcy relaxed in a chair. They seemed determined to spoil her.

The whole events of the day had left her exhausted, so when the bed was ready, she brushed her teeth, and got ready for bed. She got wet eyes when she said goodnight to her two hosts, before going to bed.

The mattress was so much better than the one in the lab, and she dozed off pretty quickly

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> diffuse axonal injury is a real brain damage thing, but I may take some creative liberties with it. Maybe.  
> The same with Jane's magic explanations... That's just me bullshitting my ass off ;) 
> 
> I really **hope** that the thing with Coulson seemed believable. *sighs* I re-wrote it so many times.
> 
> Pls tell me if you spot any mistakes! :D
> 
>  **EDIT - EDIT:** The more I think about it, the more displeased I am with how I did this, so I'm going to cut off the end of the chapter. And then I'll re-write it, and make it a part of the next chapter. I just... Thanks so much for all the feedback! It means so much!!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a lot of people have pointed out, Darcy doesn't really have much to apologize for. I will be looking the last chapter over, and probably edit it, so she stands more ground for herself. Thanks for all the feedback! I got too hung up with her feeling bad for the sex, so thanks for calling me out on it! 
> 
> Anyway, I cut of the last bit of the last chapter, so if you're confused by where this one starts, that's why. I realized that I mostly waited with the rest of them apologizing because I found it hard to write. But, that just meant that they acted completely ooc, so that has been CHANGED! Steve steps up his game! So does the rest of them. (Ugh, I am so _nervous_ about this!)
> 
> Wow, okay, this wall of text is now over. Let me know if you spot the Check, Please! reference, and the Buffy one!

In the early morning she had a disturbing dream about strapped hands and closed spaces, and she woke up with a startle. When she had calmed her breath, she rolled on to her back and looked up at the ceiling. Considering all the emotional stuff she went through the day before, she was a little surprised by her dream. Dreaming about her mother or Valerie would have made more sense?

She got up, and dressed in the same sweats as yesterday. Might as well get something out of the day.

Thor was humming and making pancakes in the kitchen, while Foster sat at the counter, drinking coffee and reading the newspaper.

"Good morning," Thor said, without looking away from the stove. He probably had super hearing too.

"Hey Darcy!" Foster grinned, "Want a cup?"

"Yes!"

They sat down to eat the perfect pancakes, and Darcy's stomach felt a lot better already. Jane asked her about how she slept, and she answered as well as she could.

"So, Darcy, if you're up for it, you could join us in the lab today, and we can start working on switching you back," Foster said, and emptied her cup.

"Sure," Darcy scraped the last syrup of her plate and liked the fork.

* * *

Natasha was waiting for them in the lab, when they entered. Looking at herself like that was seriously freaky. She was sprawled across a chair, in a way Darcy knew, her body had never been able to before. Everything about her were elegant lines, from the straightness of her spine, to the flow of her hair - uh Darcy's hair. God it was strange.

She leaped to her feet and walked over to Darcy.

"We have to talk."

"Yeah," Darcy took a deep breath.

"You need to eat right, and get me back in shape. My body has lost too much muscle-mass already."

"Oh!"

"I'll tell you what to do," she instructed and Darcy nodded in response. Oh no, she hated training. Foster called them over and as they walked, she had a thought.

"Um... Could you do me a favor?" she asked Natasha.

"What is it?" she didn't sound happy and for a moment Darcy was sidetracked by how her face looked when she was suspicious. Did her forehead always wrinkle like that?

"Could you, maybe, call my dad and talk to him?" she tried smiling, "It's just... It's been a long time since I did it, and my voice is the thing he remembers best," she did her best to explain and for a moment Natasha's/her eyes had a soft look in them.

"I can do that."

"Thank you!" Darcy almost yelled, "I'll tell you what to say, how to... wow, just thank you!"

They sat down in front of Foster, who started explaining the machines in front of her. She was trying to see if there was magic involved, and she had a huge scanner they had to take turns standing inside. It was the same kind of measurement she had done in the interrogation room, when Darcy had first met her. According to Foster's research, magic left a fingerprint on people and things. Usually she could trace a slightly different behavior in the atoms, like the body had a small charge.

Darcy didn't understand 70% of what the woman was saying, but Natasha was nodding along like she got it. So, athletic as fuck and killer brain? Some people just had it all.

Standing in the scanner was really boring. And it made a really annoying humming sound.

"Stand still Darcy," Foster instructed.

"I will," she rolled her eyes.

* * *

Captain Rogers walked into the lab while Natasha was in the scanner. Darcy quickly dropped her gaze to her feet, wondering what he was doing there. Jane greeted him in a friendly voice, before returning to her work. He sat down next to Darcy and cleared his throat.

"Can I have a word?" he asked.

"Have a sentence, even," Darcy responded. Being nervous made her fall back in sass-mode.

"Thanks," he gave her a small smile, "Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, I guess," she raised an eyebrow in confusion. Why did he care about that?

"Good, good," he nodded, "I wasn't sure if I should talk to you right away or... But I figured you could use a quiet night, before we swarmed you, so.."

"Oh, well... Um, thanks?" Darcy was a little unsure where this conversation was going. But he did look very remorseful.

"I wanted to apologize. Deeply," his eyes stared into hers, and it was a little unnerving, " We treated you awfully, and I... I shouldn't have let that happen. We're here to protect people, and that should have included you."

"Oh."

"Please, don't hesitate to let me know, if there is _anything_ I can do for you" Rogers said, "Anything you need, anything to make this better for you here."

"Thank you. Um, I just... I don't know where to go from here? I mean, you seem sorry and all, I just... I was so alone," she looked down at her hands, "It'll take me some time."

"Of course, you take all the time you need" he said warmly. Why was he so nice? This was so hard! Was she supposed to forgive him now? He had looked at her so coldly back when she was trapped... But, so had Thor, and she had forgiven him? God, her emotions where all over the place.

"Oh, wait! There's one thing! I don't have any of my things here... My laptop, my books, my _iPod,_ " she looked up.

"I'll get them for you," he smiled and gave her a small nod.

"That would be great," she smiled nervously. Her life was so weird.

He left her with a small pat on the arm, and she let out a long breath. This was such a mess. But getting an apology felt really nice.

  
Natasha took her down to the gym afterwards. She made Darcy lift weights and run on a treadmill until she got too hungry to continue. The weird thing was that with Natasha excellent shape, the only thing stopping Darcy in her work-out was her brain. She had a mental barrier that kept thinking "now I can't run anymore" or "no that's too heavy for me", even though she could. It was so weird.

Natasha seemed to struggle as well. She couldn't run as fast or long as usual, and she could hardly lift any weights.

"God, you're _weak_ " she hissed when her arms gave in after two push-ups and she fell into the madras. Darcy looked up from where she was doing pull-ups.

"I never really lift much heavier things than, well, chairs" she told her.

"I am going to change that" Natasha muttered into the mattress

When Natasha finally said they were done, Darcy was panting and sweating, but she looked much better than Natasha, who had red spots on her cheeks and shaking hands.

"If you just do something like this every day, and slowly raise the level, it will be fine" she wheezed and leaned forward, placing her hands on her knees, "And Darcy - eat more protein."

* * *

When she returned to Thor and Jane's apartment, there was a large pile of sandwiches on a platter, and Thor was setting the table.

She ate lunch with him and Jane after showering, and just like last night, it was nice. They mostly talked about how they met, and let her eat. Darcy pushed a wet curl behind her ear, and listened intently. Jane had hit him with a truck, and he had been freaking out, yelling and gesturing. In the end, Jane and her colleague, Dr, Selvig, had called the police. Then, while he was in custody (after some serious tranquilizers), Jane and Selvig had discovered his shape inside the tornado they had been photographing.

When they tried finding him, they research had been confiscated by SHIELD and Coulson ("Ugh, Coulson" Darcy had muttered). Basically, Jane had helped Thor break in to find his hammer, and then he had battled a huge robot, sent by his brother to kill him.

"Sound like a fantasy soap opera," Darcy commented, which earned her a giggle from Jane. The brother was the man who had attacked New York with the alien stuff. How weird. He probably wasn't a nice fellow.

Darcy was clearing the table when Captain Rogers walked into the apartment, a satisfied smile on his lips, and two large boxes in his arms.

"I got your stuff," he called and Darcy ran to his side, guiding him to the guest room. She didn't even notice the person behind him, until they were in the room with her.

"I'll get the last one," Rogers smiled and walked out, leaving Darcy just as she saw Agent Angry Blonde putting a box down. She didn't look angry now though, she looked a little nervous.

"Hi, we haven't been properly introduced," she reached out her hand, "I'm Sharon, or Agent 13," she gave Darcy a sheepish smile as they shook hands.

"Darcy Lewis," she muttered her name, and narrowed her eyes. Even though _Sharon_ was smiling friendly-y at her, it was still very uncomfortable. It was hard to be nice to a person who previously cuffed you to several things a week.

"Steve didn't really need help with the boxes, I joined him because I wanted to talk to you," the blonde said, suddenly very serious, "I wanted to apologize for how _I_ treated you. Natasha is one of my best friends, and seeing her taken over made me angry. But that doesn't make it okay. I am so sorry. You didn't deserve this," she told her and Darcy swallowed.

"Thank you," she responded, and placed her trembling hands on her hips.

"Really, we all feel absolutely _awful_. If you need to yell at me, or have any questions, tell me," she gave Darcy a intense look, "Anything to make this better for you."

Darcy nodded, not sure what to think.

"Enjoy your things," Sharon said, and walked out of the room. Darcy sighed in relief. This day was a little too intense for her right now.

"Here's the last one," Rogers said from the door, and smiled, "The rest of your things are still in Chicago. We can get them here too, if you want," he told her.

"Thanks Captain."

"Please, Steve is fine," he said kindly.

"Thanks Steve," she said and he gave her a beautiful crooked smile, before leaving her with her things. Who would have thought she would get on a first-name basis with Captain America?

Darcy searched through the boxes. Most of her books, her old school notes, her photo albums and some clothes was there, alongside her laptop, her wallet(!) and her iPod. Looking over her pictures, and that ridiculous orange sweater she loved, made her cry.

Why had this happened to her? It was so unfair, and she hated it! She just wanted to go home. Home to her tiny apartment and yellow walls and boring job. And Valerie. With her shark puns and her coffee addiction and their movie nights.

Not being able to have that _hurt_.

She let out a shaky breath and hugged her sweater. She gave herself another ten minutes of silent sobbing, before she had to get up.

"Put on a smile, and face the world, Darce," she told herself as she dried her eyes.

Looking in the mirror was still the oddest experienced. Or well, second oddest. Natasha was very pretty, with perfect lips and great bone structure. Pulling faces at the mirror was surprisingly fun. Especially doing a duck face. That cheered her up enough to go back outside.

She walked into the kitchen, to finish the cleaning after lunch.

* * *

It took a week for her to build up a routine with her new "freedom". After breakfast, Darcy spent most mornings in the gym, pushing her mental block and working out the way Natasha wanted her too. It was hard and boring, but she had to do it. The gym was a large room, which meant she could hide in the far corner when other people used it as well.

Seeing most of the Avengers was still weird. Steve was very nice, always asking her if she slept okay, and offering to help her. He seemed determined to make her feel welcome, and Darcy really appreciated it, even though she still couldn't relax completely around him. Sharon kept her distance, which Darcy appreciated even more.

After the workout, she usually took a nice long bath, before heading down to labs for more testing. And the evenings were either spent with Jane and Thor: watching TV, or in her guest room: reading.

Coulson sometimes came through the lab, and talked about the progress. He would always give her a friendly smile, but Darcy didn't return it. She was definitely not ready to forgive _him_. He would talk to the different scientists, before leaving with a nod, when they told him nothing new had happened.

So far Jane hadn't found any signs of magic involvement, so the scientists had all suggested many different things for them to try. One suggested a small electric shock would force the minds back where they belonged (that had hurt like hell), some started working on a machine that did switching (they started from scratch, so it wouldn't be usable in a long time), they even tried meditating to see if Darcy and Natasha's minds could 'find their way home'.

One scientist actually suggested they ran into each other, to see if the impact + contact would work. Darcy and Natasha had snorted simultaneously, but Jane had shrugged and told them it was worth a shot ("it's stupid, but sometimes stupid things work")

So they tried it. Running straight into the other, and falling backwards at the bump. Darcy landed on her ass and scowled as she looked around her.

"You just suggested it because it would look funny," she grumbled when she saw how much Jane was laughing.

" _I_ didn'tsuggest it," Jane giggled and helped her to her feet, "but it did look hilarious!"

"You're evil," Darcy bumped her shoulder with the brunette's and grinned.

She was really enjoying Jane's company. The woman was smart and funny and a massive dork, which suited Darcy perfectly. Both women had a strong love for coffee, spicy food and sappy rom-coms. Thor didn't seem to mind watching _Dirty Dancing, Four Weddings and A Funeral_ and all the other films they put on at night.

Thor was great too. He liked beer and upbeat music, and had a surprisingly large love for sushi, but he also watched nature programs and read scientific articles on his tablet. He was very affectionate, and had usually given Darcy plenty of hugs and friendly pats on the back before lunchtime. At first she was a bit uncomfortable with all the contact, but she ended up liking it. Sometimes the pats or hugs was the grounding she needed.

When Darcy told him she could cook, he had beamed at her and praised the lasagna she made, for the rest of the night. The two of them cooked for Jane, and it was always very fun.

* * *

It had taken Natasha three days before she called her dad, and Darcy had been sitting next to her, listening on speaker, and writing notes for the Russian to say.

He had cried when he heard her voice, and Darcy had been sobbing as well, at the end of it. Mostly he just talked about what he had done the day before, and he asked her where his watch was.

' _Usually on the dresser'_ Darcy had scribbled down. When the conversation was almost over, he had said:

"Your mother would have been proud" and it made her choke up, because it came out of nowhere, but sounded so sincere, and she had to press her lips together to keep quiet. Natasha had ended the conversation with an 'I love you' and left Darcy to cry into a pillow.

* * *

Natasha and Barnes avoided Darcy as much as she avoided them, which she was thankful for. She still flinched when she saw them, remembering the cold fingers around her throat.

 The rest of the Avengers were different.

Steve and Thor were her favorites so far. They both went out of their way to take care of her, giving her encouraging smiles, and never pushing her more than she wanted. They gave her the space she needed. And really, no one could remain angry at Steve Rogers for long, he was like a big, kind dog, and she had to forgive him.

 

Darcy met Bruce Banner three days into her freedom. He just walked into the lab and spoke with Jane, before giving her a friendly nod. Later that day they met at the coffee machine in the corner. He passed her the milk and smiled.

"How are you adjusting?" he asked.

"It's happening. Slowly," she shrugged and stirred her coffee. One thing was asking, but another thing was actually wanting to hear the answer.

"Sometimes I don't think I have adjusted yet," he chuckled half-heartedly to himself, "Everything here is crazy. Taking your time is important. Just because we all feel bad doesn't mean you should forgive us" he said earnestly, "Don't feel pressured. Take your time."

He left her cradling her cup, with a lump in her throat. Wow. She quickly dried her eyes in her sleeve, and walked back to Jane. The brunette hugged her, and Darcy sighed into her shoulder. What would she do without Jane?

After that, Dr. Banner didn't pay her much attention, but there was often a fresh cup of coffee waiting for her when she entered the lab, and someone left her a book on dealing with anger and hurt in her room.

   


Tony Stark's approach had been similar in the direct tone, but still very different. He had pushed his sunglasses down his nose, given her a once over and said:

"I am here to apologize for letting other people keep you captured in my Tower. So um... sorry, dear," he had winked, "Would you like the greatest headphones ever designed to accompany the apology? Or maybe a pair of Louboutins?"

"Tony, you can't _buy_ her forgiveness!" Jane had scolded.

"So that's a no to the shoes?"

"No.. Yes," Darcy had gaped.

"Alrighty, Lewis" he had pulled out his phone and typed something. Jane went across the lab to fetch a file and Stark looked at Darcy with more serious eyes.

"I've been held hostage. It's not fun. I'm not good with talking about it, but I know the feeling. So if you want to get drunk and not talk, let me know," he smiled and it was so genuine and different than the smile he had for the press, she couldn't help but stare.

   


Sam Wilson was probably the next one she would forgive. He was friendly, and nice, and he treated her like a _human_. Sometimes the "oh, how are you Darcy?" and the "let me know if there's _anything_ I can do" got a little too overwhelming, like she was some fragile thing. Sam talked to her like he cared.

"I should've know it wasn't her," he said, walking her to the lab, "Natasha wouldn't have freaked out about lizards like that. Then I could've protected you."

"Yeah... I should have known I wasn't awake," Darcy mumbled, and Same grabbed her shoulder.

"No," he gave her a look, "How could you have known? _I_ still think I'm dreaming, when we go on some missions. Don't blame yourself for the most logical conclusion."

Yeah, Sam Wilson was a pretty great!

   


"I am sorry we kept you strapped to things. Even though you could have been an assassin and killed us in our sleep," Clint Barton said.

"Dude, is this your first apology ever?" Darcy asked before she could stop herself.

"Could be," he grinned, "No, seriously, I would avenge the way we treated you, but then I'd have to knock myself out and that seems pretty stupid. I could punch Stark if you want?" he offered and Darcy chuckled.

"That's okay, you don't have to" she said.

"You sure? I kinda want to," he winked.

* * *

She still dreamt about it. How the cell would close in around her until she couldn't breathe. Or she would feel strapped to things and wake up tangled into her sheets and sweating hard. But it was getting a little better. Sometimes she was too tired to dream. Those were the best nights.

In her second week after being cleared, Jane and Thor started asking her to hang out with the whole team. Darcy said no. She was not having brunch with people who avenged things for a living, and all looked at her with big guilty eyes. One thing was talking to them one on one, but being in a room with all of them? Yeah, that was a big fat no.

Especially with Natasha and Barnes there.

Not happening.

Steve and Sam dropped in one night, while Jane was making popcorn and Darcy had just put _Bridesmaids_ on. They were carrying a sixpack of beers and asked if they could join. Jane looked at Darcy for confirmation, and she nodded. Sam was funny, and Steve was Steve. It was okay.

They had nice night, drinking beer and laughing at the movie. Darcy suspected it was a scheme to make her socialize, but really - both men were sweet and funny, so she didn't mind. Also: beer.

"Oh God, she's going up on stage _again_!" Jane groaned and hid her head behind a pillow, "This is too embarrassing!"

"That is the worst Spanish I've heard," Steve commented with a chuckle, and took a sip of his beer.

The movie was pretty damn funny, and Darcy enjoyed it a lot. Especially with the company

"Wow, that is one ugly wedding," Sam snorted when it was ending. Then, when the "sex tape" showed up during the credits, all of them froze, before laughing really hard.

"Oh God... So. Gross." Jane put her beer down.

"So that's not how you and Thor do it?" Steve raised an eyebrow and Darcy nearly choked on her beer.

"No. What about Sharon? Is she a hungry bear?" Jane shot back, a teasing smile on her lips.

"I don't kiss and tell," Steve laughed, and Sam clapped him on the shoulder.

"That is messed up, man," he grinned.

So, Steve and Sharon? Darcy nodded to herself. Who would've guessed that? She emptied her beer, and leaned back into the couch.

It had been a good night. They all said goodbye, and Jane decided they shouldn't clean up, but go to bed instead. That night, Darcy had a very vivid dream about baking, and she woke up craving cupcakes.

* * *

After that, Darcy agreed to watch a movie with the others in the penthouse. Thor had been making serious puppy eyes, and in the end she gave in. Might as well face the lions. She took the elevator alongside Jane and Thor, and prayed it would go well.

The room fell silent when they walked in. Barnes put down his glass and looked away, and Natasha pressed her lips into a thin line. This was not a good idea, Darcy thought.

"This is awkward," Barton mumbled into his mug and Darcy caught his eye. He winked. Oh right, super hearing

"Excuse me," Natasha got up, and walked to the door. Darcy closed her mouth as she watched her move. Looking at herself was still _so creepy_.

"Tasha, wait!" Barton called, but she didn't turn around. She just left the room without looking back. Barnes followed her, with a weird glance at Darcy. She frowned. What was that for?

"I'll talk to them," Steve started following them, but Darcy shook her head.

"Let me," she said, "It's time". She smiled at Jane before running after them. They were standing by the elevator down the hall, and they both looked up when they heard her footsteps.

"I hope you aren't leaving because of me," she said and tried not to smile at the surprise in both their faces.

"Well..." Natasha said and Darcy sighed.

"Может быть, мы должны поговорить с ней?" Barnes whispered to Natasha, but she shook her head.

"I think we should sort this out," Darcy crossed her arms.

"I'm taking the stairs," Natasha started walking away from them.

"No, we're talking about this!" Darcy demanded and the woman froze with her back to them.

"Leave her alone!" Barnes sneered.

"Oh my God, what is your problem?" Darcy hissed, "I know that fucking you wasn't my best move, but it's not like I would have done it, if I knew what was going on!"

"I -" he opened his mouth.

"And you'd think choking me would at least make us even!" she interrupted, and touched her neck.

"I didn't..." his voice was low.

"And then I have to stay here, tied to a bed and waiting for news about Val, while all of you treat me like shit!" she was working up a good rant now, and she ignored the sound of several pairs of feet stopping behind her. The others were listening in. Good.

"Look, I get it. I understand that you acted out of anger, I understand that you were scared I was a super spy, ready to kill you when you lowered your guard! I _understand that_! But it doesn't change the fact that you treated me like I was worthless!"

Natasha was looking at her now, looking uncomfortable with what Darcy was half-yelling. That just fueled her anger more. She looked back at Barton, Steve, Bruce,  Sharon and Tony waiting behind her. They all needed to hear this.

"It doesn't change the fact that I was fucking alone. That I still have nightmares about being strapped to my bed, or chokeholds so strong I forget how to breathe when I wake up! It doesn't change the fact that my best friend might die, and I can't help her! That she was _innocent_ , and you almost killed her!" she had hot tears streaming down her face now, and she was shaking.

"I didn't! I didn't _know_!" Natasha cried with a trembling voice and she ran away from them before Darcy could say anymore. Barnes made a move to follow her, but Darcy blocked his way. He looked like he was about to ask her to move, but Darcy crossed her arms in front of her.

"Dude, we're clearing this shit up!" she ordered.

"Fine," he sighed and gestured with his arms, "Could you leave?" he looked at their spectators.

Darcy turned around and watched the crowd disappear. Then she looked back at him. Oh boy, this was really happening.

"I can't believe I..." he took a step closer to her, and his eyes examined her neck, "I mean... I tried to choke you," he looked almost scared as he watched her. Darcy exhaled slowly and looked up at him.

"Scared the hell out of me, too," she said quietly, suddenly out of energy to be angry.

"I am so sorry. I could explain why I did it, but... Would it make a difference?"

"Probably not," Darcy let her arms fall.

"Fucking hell!" he groaned, "I am so sorry. I can't even imagine what this must be like for you. I am _sorry_!"

"Thank you for your apology," she replied politely, "And I am sorry for the sex, that was sorta messed up. I didn't mean to violate you or anything."

"You're definitely forgiven," he nodded and they stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, neither of them sure what to say.

"What now?" he asked.

"I don't know," she replied with a shrug, "I haven't forgiven you yet," she involuntarily ran her hand over her throat again.

"I understand" he gave her a small smile, "I have been quite the asshole."

Darcy gave him a tight smile in return, and nodded in agreement. There really wasn't any more to say right now.

"I should find Natalia," he said after a moment, and lifted his hand, like he was about to clap her on the arm, but stopped himself. His eyes searched hers for a moment, and then he left, shaking his head.

" это заблуждение " he muttered under his breath. Not that she understood it or anything.

* * *

Instead of watching the movie with the others, she returned to Thor and Jane's apartment. She made herself a big ass mug of hot chocolate and grabbed a pack of cookies out of the cupboard.

She walked into the living room and nearly dropped everything in her hands when she saw the shape waiting for her on the couch.

Natasha was sitting there, a determined look on her face, and red eyes, like she had been crying. Darcy took a deep breath and sat down across from her. Oh God, how was this going to go? Then Natasha started talking:

"I woke up, and everything was wrong. My surroundings, my body... Everything. I ran out of the room, and saw her. I asked her what was happening, who she was. She told me to relax, said that I was dreaming. Called me by another name. I have had my identity played with before, had it made by others. And I never want that again. So, I grabbed her arm, asked her again where I was. She told me to let go. I didn't. I was scared. Then she slapped me. Hard. And I just clicked. I remember every move, every punch, until she was falling down the stairs and the police came, but it feels like a dream."

"Oh."

"I did some terrible things in my life. Terrible. I thought I had changed my path. That I had killed my last innocent person. And then _this_ happened" she looked up at Darcy as a single tear rolled down her cheek, "And I should have remained calm. I should have understood that she wasn't a threat and I..." she buried her head in her hands, resting her elbows on her knees. Was she crying?

Darcy silently passed her a napkin. She looked up, and took it, pressing her lips together in a thin line and blinking, making more tears run down her face.

"Darcy, I was angry at you over what happened between you and James. But mostly, I was angry at myself for what I did, and I didn't want to face it. I guess what all of this is, is my attempt at apologizing. I am _so_ sorry."

"I think everyone has apologized to me now" Darcy mumbled, not sure what to say. One part of her was freaking out about Valerie falling down the stairs, another part of her was just stunned after watching _herself_ cry, and the last part of her was just confused.

"You were right, we treated you awfully, and it's not okay, just because we now invite you to movie night. Earning your forgiveness will be our most important mission. _My_ most important mission."

"No," Darcy heard herself say, and suddenly she was standing up, "I don't want to be a _mission_. My forgiveness isn't a prize you can win. I am a _human being_ , and I want you to treat me like one."

"That's not what I meant. I am sorry. I just meant... Making it right is my top priority," Natasha stood up as well, and ran a hand through the brown curls on her head

"Good. Because I am _sick_ of being treated like a duty. 'Train, eat, be nice to Darcy, clean the kitchen'. It's horrible," she said, and Natasha nodded, "I think I'm gonna go to bed," Darcy told her, and grabbed her cookies and cocoa from the coffee table.

Then she left the assassin standing alone in the living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's Russian (according to google translate): _"maybe we should talk to her"_ and _"that's confusing"_. 
> 
> Thanks for reading this loooong chapter! Hit me up if you spot any mistakes!  
> I hope this chapter was okay. I spent so much time on it!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the long wait on this chapter!! It wouldn't cooperate and then there were vacations and going back to uni after my year off and stuff. So sorry! I hope you'll like this one! It's super long, so hopefully that might make a little up for the waiting.

Darcy woke up to a bed filled with cookie crumbs and an open magazine on her chest. Apparently she fell asleep while reading. She groaned a little as she untangled herself from the sheets and crawled out onto the floor. She was feeling really warm, but sleeping in a hoodie would do that. She removed it, and readjusted her bra. Then she went into her bathroom and drank two glasses of water.

She didn't really feel like eating much, she thought as she changed into her training clothes. She pulled her hair into a ponytail and went into the kitchen, still feeling a little sluggish. She gulped down a bit of yoghurt and grabbed a water bottle.

The gym was empty when she entered it, and she realized she didn't even know what time it was. Darcy shrugged and headed over to the weights. After a few minutes the doors opened and Steve walked in, nodding at her. He pulled out a mat and started doing pushups in an incredible speed.

Darcy went through her normal routine, occasionally looking at Steve, Bucky and Thor who took turns sparing. They were all three really fast and good, it was pretty impressive. After watching Steve kick Thor in the stomach with both feet, she returned her attention to her pushups.

Sweat was running down her back and forehead as she worked. A few locks of hair had escaped her ponytail, and were now sticking to her skin. She let out a deep breath and got to her feet, looking after her water bottle.

"Looking for this?" Barnes said behind her. She turned around and he handed her the bottle.

"Yeah..." she responded, a little surprised by the casual way he talked to her, "... thanks."

"You're welcome," he smiled warmly, "you seem to be getting a hand on the working out."

"Yeah, it's... Yeah," she mumbled, not sure what to say. Instead she just started gulping down the cold water.

"That's good," he said and looked at her for a moment, probably feeling just as awkward as her, "anyway..." he mumbled and left her with a nod. Darcy ended her routine by running on the treadmill, and then she left the others, to get a shower.

Jane was on her way out of the apartment when Darcy walked out of the elevator. She looked up from her tablet and smiled.

"There is something for you inside," she said, and chuckled at Darcy's confused expression. Darcy shook her head and continued into the apartment. Jane was kind of weird sometimes.

Natasha was sitting on the couch, surrounded by some boxes and a pile of clothes. She was wearing a black coat and a pair of high heeled boots, and her (Darcy's) cheeks had a fresh flush, like she had just been outside.

"Hi," she smiled and stood up.

"Hey," Darcy shuffled her feet.

"I thought about what you said yesterday, and I couldn't really sleep, so I ended up flying the Quinjet to Chicago and I got the rest of your clothes and books. And your Star Wars poster. I figured you would like your things here..." she gestured to the boxes on the floor.

"Oh..." Darcy felt a lump in her throat and couldn't say much else.

"I also brought down some of _my_ clothes, because we aren't the exact same size," she pointed to the pile on the couch, "and I thought maybe you were tired of wearing sweatpants."

"Thanks," Darcy finally croaked out.

"I'll leave you to it," Natasha gave her a small smile and started walking towards the door. Darcy watched her go, and sighed. Then she started carrying the things into her room. The clothes from Natasha were _beautiful_. All elegant and expensive looking. Darcy spent a whole minute just fawning over a grey cashmere dress. If she hadn't been so sweaty, she probably would have rubbed it against her face.

There were jeans, dress pants, pencil skirts and dresses. There were soft t-shirts, silk shirts and sweaters. Darcy sighed happily. She was gonna look so _good_!

She really took her time with the shower, and she shaved her legs for the first time since she woke up in Natasha's body. Afterwards she used lotion and really worked on her hair, brushing it and using a blow-dryer.

Then Darcy searched through the luxurious clothes, found a pair of skinny black jeans, and a thin, black turtleneck. She did her makeup (red lipstick, obviously) and pulled her hair into a high bun. Satisfied, she winked at herself in the mirror and strutted outside in the cute ankle boots she found.

Darcy was surprised by how amazing it felt to be dressing properly again. Sure, the sweats were comfortable and secure, but she needed to _own_ her new life and be a person again. She was feeling pretty great when she entered the kitchen, now ready for a big breakfast.

The song _Roar_ started playing as she pulled out the ingredients for waffles.

Darcy grinned and started humming along. Aside from Jane, Darcy's favorite person in the Tower was probably JARVIS. Tony Stark's butler/Artificial Intelligence, who controlled everything in the Tower and spoke in a dry, British accent.

The first time "Hello Miss Lewis," came from the ceiling, Darcy had almost spilled her water down her pants in surprise. The AI had introduced himself, and explained a little about him.

"That might be the coolest thing I've ever heard!" Darcy had exclaimed.

"Thank you, Miss Lewis."

"So, did he make you himself?" she had asked, "Because, I thought _I_ was good at computer programming, but this is sick."

"Yes, Mr. Stark made me himself," JARVIS told her. Darcy spent the next 30 minutes just talking programming with him, having a crazy geek out.

JARVIS was sarcastic, polite and helpful. He would greet her in the morning, put on music for her, and help her. He was a blessing to live with! He also seemed to know when she was in the mood for happy pop, and when to play angry rock music.

"JARVIS _,_ this music is my _jam_!" Darcy said as she danced around the kitchen.

Thor joined her when _Bad Blood_ started, and he immediately began helping. He whipped the cream (manually. because, that was something he could do) and Darcy started the coffee grinder, before making the waffles.

They were singing along and bumping their hips together to the beat, both smiling brightly as they cooked. Darcy was giggling when Thor looked at her and they sang:

"come on over baby we can shake shake shake!"

"Please tell me you're recording this, J," Tony's voice sounded behind them.

Darcy turned around and saw Tony, Bruce and Steve looking at them with different degrees of pent-up laughter.

"Why would you record us making breakfast?" Darcy asked with a frown.

"Blackmail. Duh," Tony grinned, "The Black Widow dancing to a Swiftie song is YouTube gold."

"She would _kill_ you," Bruce stared at Tony, clearly not getting involved.

"It might be worth it, dear Brucie."

"Oh Tony, I think it would," Steve smirked, and Tony nodded, before frowning.

"Hey!" he objected.

"Oh my God, get out of my kitchen!" Darcy ordered them, which earned her a few surprised looks, "Uh, I mean... Get out of Thor's kitchen," she corrected and winced.

"I don't mind sharing my kitchen with you," Thor smiled, and the sentiment made her feel happy and almost home. Darcy quickly returned her attention to the waffle maker, listening to the others with one ear.

"My friends, what can I do for you this morning?" Thor asked, "I am not certain we have made enough food for all of you."

"No, no, that's fine," Bruce said quickly.

"Yeah, we're just here to schedule a retry for the movie night that got incredibly awkward yesterday," Tony said and Darcy could hear the grin in his voice.

 "We're thinking tonight, if that works for you?" Steve asked.

"It does," Thor answered, "I can speak for Jane as well. She could use a break from the labs."

"Awesomesauce," Tony cheered, and then he added: "What about you Lewis?"

"I'm in," Darcy looked up with a smile.

"Great," Steve returned her smile. Bruce told them the details would follow, and when all three men started leaving Tony looked back and added:

"And Lewis... You look good," his eyes twinkled and Darcy let out a little giggle. It was hard not to be flattered, even though technically _Natasha_ looked good, not her.

"If you set the table, I will find Jane. I do not think she had any breakfast," Thor said and washed his hands.

"I saw her leave earlier," Darcy told him, "I'm betting on the labs."

Thor chuckled as he left, and Darcy placed the last waffle on the pile and carried them into the dining room. She sighed happily at the smell of food. Living with Thor and Jane was pretty nice. She looked at the door to her room before she finished setting the table. Afterwards she was going to unpack her things, and most likely have a little cry over them.

* * *

Clint handed them beers the moment they reached the couch in the penthouse living room. He gave Darcy a wolf-whistle and pulled her down between himself and Sam. The room was big, but still cozy. The sun was setting outside and orange light was shining through the large windows. The view was stunning and Darcy gaped at it.

The room was filled with chatter and Darcy just listened to it, while she stared at her surroundings. The couch was big and comfortable, the kind you could fall asleep in. There were a nice mix of art and nerdy stuff covering the walls. She almost laughed when she saw the drawing of Totoro peaking into the TARDIS hanging next to the kitchen door.

The wall across from the sofa was almost completely covered by the large flat screen TV. Darcy sipped her beer and looked at all the snacks covering the table. She grabbed some popcorn and leaned back into the cushions. Sharon was sitting in a large chair, talking about muffin recipes with Sam, while she massaged Steve's shoulders. He sat in front of her with his eyes closed, cradling a beer in his large hands.

Bruce, Thor and Jane were already in deep discussion, Darcy caught the words 'space', 'neutrons' and for some reason 'toast'. She chuckled and then Tony caught her eyes. He was sitting on the other side of Clint, and they had been whispering just moments before.

"Seeing your _performance_ earlier gave me an idea," he grinned.

"An awesome idea," Clint added with a face of a cat who just ate the canary.

"We could make you do stuff..." Tony's eyes twinkled mischievously, ".. and film it."

"Do stuff?" Darcy frowned, not liking were it was going.

"Like, take the cinnamon challenge, or dress up like Britney Spears and dance to _Baby One More Time_ ," Tony elaborated, like it was the best idea ever.

"What? No!" she could feel her eyes bulge out of her head.

"Come on Lewis!" Clint begged.

"No way," Darcy crossed her arms, "I am _not_ dancing while you film it."

"But it would be the _perfect_ blackmail for Tasha!" he pleaded.

"No," Darcy rolled her eyes and took at sip from her beer. Jane sent her a sympathetic look from across the table, and Darcy smiled at her.

"Would you consider wearing a I ♥ Stark t-shirt in public?" Tony leaned closer and quirked an eyebrow, "I'd pay you."

"Please tell me those t-shirt don't already exist?" Sharon said with a suppressed smile.

"Maybe..." Tony's voice trailed off. A set of heels clicked across the floor and they all looked up as Natasha walked into the living room. All conversation died and everyone stared as she walked past them and into the kitchen. She was wearing a pair of pinstriped, black pants and a red, silk shirt. Darcy didn't notice much else because the shirt was the definition of form-fitting, and her breast were very... noticeable.

Everyone else seemed just as mesmerized as her, gawking after Natasha as she disappeared into the kitchen.

"I forgot how big my boobs are," Darcy said after a few seconds. It seemed to pull people out of their daze, and Tony and Clint both barked out a loud laugh.

"Damn Lewis, you are a fox!" Clint whistled and leaned back in the couch.

"Thanks, I think?" Darcy chuckled. Natasha walked back carrying two beers and Darcy had to agree with Clint. The way she looked right now was pretty _foxy_. Her curls cascaded down her back, her lips were ruby red and just her whole posture was elegant. The shirt definitely showed off her assets, but in an elegant way. It wasn't tacky or anything.

Natasha noticed them all staring and knit her brow, just as Barnes joined them. He gave her a small peck on the cheek and then they settled down on the other side of Tony. Darcy had to swallow an extra time and diverted her eyes from the couple. She met Sharon's gaze, and the blonde gave her a comforting smile.

"So... Who wants to watch _Die Hard_?" Clint asked loudly, breaking the kind of awkward silence.

"Yippie-Ki-Yay Motherfucker," Sam, Darcy, Bruce and Steve said at the exact same time. Everyone started laughing and suddenly it was a lot more comfortable.

"Is Pepper still away on business, or doesn't she like us anymore?" Sharon asked Tony as the movie started.

"She'll be back from Japan tomorrow," he replied, "I invited Maria too, but she was busy."

Darcy sort of shuddered at the thought of the strong SHIELD woman, and Sam squeezed her shoulder. She leaned against him and sipped her beer. There was a stab of melancholy in her heart, as she remembered her last night with Val, and how she had been into Sam. It was so strange, now Darcy was sitting next to him and Val was... Yeah..

It was hard not to feel just a little guilty.

She tried to get rid of the feeling. It wasn't her fault. Instead she focused on John McClane and Hans Gruber.

* * *

Darcy was lounging over a bowl of cereal, still wearing her pajamas, when Jane entered the kitchen. Her hair was damp from her shower and she had a dopey smile on her face.

"Morning," she greeted and grabbed her yoghurt from the fridge.

"Morning," Darcy replied and slurped a spoonful.

"Do you wanna go out and get some coffee today?" Jane asked, "Maybe take a walk in Central Park?"

Darcy stared at her dumbfounded while the words sank in. Outside.

Leaving the Tower.

Getting coffee.

"I would _love_ too!" she almost yelled. Oh man. Being outside. She suddenly felt completely cramped up, and the air felt warm and thick in her lungs.

"We'll probably need a bodyguard," Jane said as she sat down, "imagine if someone kidnapped you," she winced sarcastically.

"Do you always bring a bodyguard?" Darcy frowned.

"No, not at all," Jane laughed, "but your situation is... _special_.." she rolled her eyes.

"Okay...." Darcy shrugged. Jane promised to arrange the trip, so Darcy just focused on eating and getting dressed.

* * *

Darcy buttoned the beautiful blue shirt and admired herself in the mirror. Natasha owned so much luxurious clothes, in the most delicious fabrics. It was amazing to wear. She pushed the hem of her pants into the ankle boots, and grabbed her own grey coat and her black beanie.

Jane was waiting in the hall, dressed in a green jacket and a pair of practical boots. She smiled when she saw Darcy and adjusted her purse.

"Thor isn't available, but someone will meet us in the lobby," she said and hooked her arm around Darcy's.

A few people were hanging out in the lobby, and Darcy looked at them, trying to see which SHIELD agent was going to be her body guard. Two suits were talking in the corner, but neither of them looked up when the two women walked through the room. Then she saw them.

Waiting by the door were no other than Sharon and Barnes.

Great.

Darcy took a deep breath and plastered a smile on her face, hoping it didn't come of too fake.

"Hey guys!" Jane greeted, "You both tagging along?"

"Yeah," Sharon smiled kindly at both of them and gestured for the door. Barnes nodded in greeting to the both of them and Darcy mumbled a 'hi' to her two "guards".

Jane chatted a little with Sharon in the cab ride, but Darcy tuned them out and looked out the window. She had never actually been in New York before, so she was starting to feel excited. Barnes stayed silent the whole ride.

Sharon kept a polite distance to Darcy, walking behind them and mostly talking to Barnes. He insisted on paying for the coffee, and he held the door for them as they entered. Jane and him both ordered black coffee, Darcy got a classic latte and Sharon went for the sweetest thing she could find. And a cookie. She smiled sheepishly at Darcy when she got her drink.

"Steve always teases me about my sweet tooth," she said before nibbling on the cookie. Darcy smiled and sipped her latte. Jane was already walking out of the store, so they followed her.

"After you, doll," Barnes said and held the door for her again.

Darcy took a lot of deep breaths as they walked towards the park, enjoying the smell of outdoors. Even the car smoke was a welcomed scent. She sighed happily. She had been inside for too long! Jane grinned when she saw her, and looked at the sky herself.

"It's nice out today," she said.

"Yeah," Darcy agreed. The park was lovely, covered in Autumn colors and filled with people taking walks just like them.

They ended up sitting on a bench not far from the lake, looking at the pretty nature and talking about everything and nothing. Sharon and Barnes were leaning against a tree nearby.

"So, what's it like to be in _her_ body?" Jane asked, curiosity  lighting up in her eyes.

"It's... strange," Darcy said after a while, and chuckled, "I mean, it is a pretty great body. My senses are heightened, and my balance is freaking good! Don't get me started on the reflexes... But it's weird. I miss all these little things, like my hair and the freckle on my hip. Being strong is fun, but I miss being soft and comfortable."

"I can't imagine it," Jane leaned back.

"And I can't explain it," Darcy smiled, "I miss sleeping on my right side. Natasha's shoulder doesn't like it. It is annoying."

Jane chuckled. She emptied her cup and placed it next to her. Darcy looked at a young woman jogging past them. If only she could run outside. That would be amazing! Maybe she could get Steve involved? Then she could be safe, exercise _and_ get fresh air. Win-win.

"What's Asgard like?" she asked Jane, returning her attention to her friend.

"It's unbelievable, "Jane sounded almost out of breath as she started explaining it, "It's so grand, build in shining metal and sunlight. There is no way you can _comprehend_ that it is real. It explains so much about Thor, as well. What he grew up with."

Darcy emptied her cup as she listened to Jane, trying to imagine everything she told her about helmets and towers and _magic_ and rainbow bridges. She was starting to get pretty carried away when a loud and crackling boom sounded to their right.

She was on her feet in a heartbeat, looking for the source, with her heart in her throat. Bucky and Sharon were beside them, already looking ready to fight.

Across the open area, behind a row of trees, there was a bright pillar of light, as tall as a building.

"Einstein-Rosen-Bridge," Jane whispered, taking a step.

"A portal?" Bucky raised his eyebrow. Jane nodded.

"Like from Asgard?" Darcy asked, "Is Thor having visitors?"

"Not that I know of..." Jane frowned.

"They could be friendly," Sharon suggested just as a loud scream sounded and two trees caught fire. Maybe not. Darcy suddenly felt very ready to panic.

"Stay here!" Barnes looked at Sharon, "protect them!"

Then he ran towards the portal. Sharon pulled out her phone and dialed a number, while signaling for Jane and Darcy to follow her. She spoke quietly into the phone, Darcy could hear her call for back-up.

"We should help people," she told the blonde.

"I have to protect you," Sharon didn't look comfortable with staying behind either. Darcy removed her beanie and ran her hands through her hair, pulling it back. Something was nagging at her. Something about this was wrong.

"Wait!" she grabbed Sharon's arm, "no one else know we've switched, right? What if the media gets footage of the Black Widow hiding instead of helping?"

"Dammit!" Sharon groaned, "You're right. If you protect Jane that might work. Right Jane?"

There was no reply. Darcy looked around her.

"Jane?"

Darcy met Sharon's frightened eyes just as realization hit them both.

"She went after the portal," they said in unison.

"Fuck!" Darcy cursed and looked towards the burning trees. There was a small shape running the opposite direction of everyone else. Oh no. Fucking hell Jane, Darcy thought angrily, before clasping her fingers around Sharon's arm again.

"Go!" she told her, "Get her away from it. I'll guide people in the opposite direction," when Sharon looked like was about to protest, Darcy tightened her grip and insisted: "Go!"

"Stay out of trouble!" Sharon ordered, before she ran after Jane, leaving Darcy alone. She took a deep breath and put her beanie back on, and then she started running towards the small crowd trying to put distance between them and whatever was causing trouble. There were noises of fighting coming from the direction of the portal now.

She heard a whimpering sound and followed it. She found the jogger from earlier, crawled up underneath a bush, shaking and crying. She looked up when Darcy approached her, and Darcy kneeled down in front of her, reaching out her hand.

"Shhh, it's gonna be okay," she said as gently as she could, "follow me."

The girl took her hand and Darcy pulled her out, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. They walked towards the sounds of traffic, while Darcy whispered soothing things to the girl.

When they reached the exit Darcy looked down at the girl and said: "I gotta go back inside. You just keep walking sweetheart, maybe run if you can. You'll be fine," she gave her a squeeze and turned back around. Darcy ran as fast as she could (which was pretty fucking fast). The fire had spread through the trees, covering more area. Damn!

Then she heard a small voice yell: "mommy!"

She made a shortcut through some bushes, and looked around for the child, following the sound of crying. The sound turned out to be coming from a place closer to the fire.  Then she saw her: a small girl with a purple backpack and big brown hair, crying behind a bench. There was something on the ground behind her. A body.

"Hey kid!" Darcy kneeled down in front of her, "what happened?"

"My mom," she cried, "she won't wake up."

Darcy crawled closer to the body. She looked like she had been hit by a falling branch or something. She was knocked out and her leg was lying in a wrong angle. Darcy checked for a pulse.

"She's alive," she whispered and the girl hiccupped in response, "shh, honey, it will be okay."

She couldn't wake the mother up though. In the end, Darcy ended up instructing the child to climb on her back and hold on tight, while she lifted the mother bridal style, doing her best to support the head.

"You holding on, kiddo?" she asked.

"Yes," the girl responded and tightened her grip. Darcy stood up, and ran back out of the chaos. It was a good thing Natasha was so strong, carrying the two of them wasn't too much for her. She got away from the fire, and reached a clear path, speeding up her pace.

The area was deserted now.

Good.

Darcy followed the sound of sirens, hoping to find an ambulance for the mother. The girl was still sobbing quietly, but her small hands had a hard grip around Darcy's neck and shoulder. Just outside the park there was a turmoil of people. There was a group of policemen, firemen and - yes - an ambulance.

"Hey!" Darcy yelled as she approached the paramedics. They saw her and quickly found a stretcher. Darcy placed the mother on it, and lifted the girl down from her back.

"You just stay with your mother," she said, and gave her a pat on the back. The little girl nodded and Darcy left them there. She walked around on the sidewalk for a while. But in the end she couldn't stop herself from running back inside.

Had Sharon found Jane?

She couldn't just wait out there!

She was looking around for more civilians, when something heavy landed near her, catching her attention in the corner of her eye.

It was a large, red, warrior-looking man, with flaming hair and shoulders. He did _not_ look friendly.

He looked like a devil.

Darcy froze, her breath hitched in her throat. She started creeping backwards, but he growled and lifted a huge sword. Shit.

"Easy there, big guy," she said quietly, lifting her hands to show surrender.

It didn't seem to work, he growled again and ran three large steps towards her. Darcy's knees almost gave in, and she could feel the blood drain from her face.

He stopped in front of her, lifted a hand (with claws. nice) towards her face.

He made a small growl in the back of his throat. His voice was deep, like thunder. Darcy tried swallowing. One finger touched her cheek gently, dragging his black claw across her skin. Darcy was  shaking hard, as she tried looking away. Oh God, oh _God_!

Then the large hand slapped her so hard she fell down. All the air was knocked out of her, and her thigh landed on a rock. She looked up as the demon-man towered over her. His sword was lifted, he looked ready to bury it in her neck.

Darcy didn't have time to do anything before something knocked the man out of the way. He fell, but managed to roll over and jump to his feet in one swift movement, surprisingly elegant for someone his size. Darcy looked up to see her rescuer, and lost her breath the second time that day.

Bucky was standing over her, arms and weapons raised, and his hair flowing in the air. He looked terrifying and magnificent, and she had never been so happy to see anyone before in her life!

He pounced just as the demon did, and they clashed together with a loud thud. Darcy quickly rolled out of reach and got on her feet. Bucky was cutting at the demon with his knife, in such a speed she could hardly see the weapon. He had managed to get the sword knocked out of its hand.

The demon got in a few good punches as well, but Bucky was really holding his own. Darcy couldn't help the way she stared. It was so unbelievable to watch!

Bucky wrapped his legs around the warrior, flipped him around and buried the knife in his throat. The demon fell to the ground, and Bucky jumped up and ran towards Darcy.

"Are you okay?!" his voice was hoarse and Darcy just jumped into his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck and clinging to him.

"Thank you," she whispered when she could find her voice again.

"Let's get you out of here," he said, his voice gruff, "I am not sure that actually killed him."

His arm was wrapped around her side, and he didn't let go as they walked out. Darcy realized she was shaking, and clasped his leather jacket with her hand to keep from falling.

 "Where's Jane?" she asked.

"Sharon got her away," he said and looked at her kindly.

"Good, good," Darcy mumbled.

Bucky made her sit down with a blanket around her, and wait for the danger to be over. Jane was there as well, and Darcy leaned against her, too tired to be angry with her friend. That would come later.

The firefighters had gotten the fire under control, and Darcy intercepted a bit of info from the passing officers. Thor and Steve had showed up, and when the demons saw the God of Thunder, they had reopened the portal and run off.

Bucky, Steve, Sharon and Thor came to pick them up. Thor looked more serious than Darcy had ever seen him before, and he wrapped an arm around Jane and flew home without any words.

"Yikes. He looked pissed," Sharon said.

"She _did_ run straight for the danger completely unprotected," Steve responded with a shrug.

"Oh, you're saying that's a _stupid_ idea Rogers?," Bucky snorted, "you reckless fuckers will be the death of me."

Steve and him continued to exchange quips as they waited for a ride. Darcy chuckled half-heartedly, but she was too tired to do much.

* * *

Natasha met them in the lobby, hugging Bucky and Sharon, and coming to a halt in front of Darcy like she was about to hug her, but stopped herself. Instead she nodded at her, and continued to Steve.

"Debrief is in five," she told them, and wrapped an arm around Bucky's side. Darcy followed them, more than a little confused. Steve smiled reassuringly and clapped her shoulder.

Debriefing turned out to be a evaluation of the mission, were they discussed information, potential problems and so on, held in a small conference room. Maria Hill was waiting for them, sitting next to a tray of water bottles and apples. Darcy felt her stomach growl at the sight of the fruit.

"What happened?" Hill asked when everyone was seated. Natasha was there too, even though Darcy wasn't sure why.

"We were having coffee when the portal opened close by," Bucky started explaining, "I left Sharon with them and went to check it out."

Darcy listened to Bucky's story with half an ear. She was getting really tired and hungry, now where the adrenalin had completely left her body. So there had been several demon-things running around and setting the park on fire. At least that was she understood.

"You made the News," Hill said and Darcy wondered if she was making fun of them. Didn't they always make the news?

Hill played a clip of the fighting. After a long helicopter view of the fire, followed by pictures from when Thor and Steve arrived, the reporter changed focus. Someone with a camera had caught Darcy running from the fire, carrying the woman and child. There was also footage of her giving them over to the ambulance. Everyone turned around and stared at her, and she felt herself blush as she shrunk down in her chair.

"What happened?" Maria Hill almost sounded... nice?

"I just... helped people," Darcy bit her lip.

"No one where protecting you. Why?" Hill was frowning.

"If I may?" Sharon started talking before Darcy could answer, "I think Darcy did the right thing here. I don't want to throw anyone under the bus or anything, but Jane ran to the portal after Bucky left. Darcy pointed out that the Black Widow couldn't hide without the media finding out, " Sharon gestured to the screen to prove her point, "and I agreed. So I went after Jane."

"Where _is_ Jane?" Darcy heard Bucky whisper.

"I think her and Thor are fighting," Natasha whispered back.

"So this is your fault?" Hill asked, "Or Dr. Fosters?"

"It's no one's fault," Sharon crossed her arms, "we did the right thing."

"I agree with you," Maria sat back down and rubbed her eyes, "I just need to get all the arguments to why we risked a civilian."

"I take full responsibility for my decision," Sharon leaned back in her chair.

"So do I," Darcy piped up, making everyone look back at her.

"Darcy, what you did was very brave, very admirable," Maria said, her eyes suddenly kind, "but it was still dangerous. If Barnes hadn't found you in time..." she gave her a look, "Just, don't do it again. If you get killed while in our care, it would get very ugly. And be a great loss."

Darcy felt a lump in her throat as the others nodded in agreement. She mumbled a small thanks and resumed her lip-biting. There was a knock on the door and then Thor walked in. He was still in full armor, and he had a serious expression on his face.

"Lady Maria," he nodded, "I am not sure why Zurt would send his men here. I will travel to Asgard tonight and speak with my father. I may have to pay Muspelheim a visit. I will be back when I know more."

"They seemed scared of you," Bucky said, "so maybe they weren't under orders?"

"I hope so," Thor sighed, looking like a big, sad puppy, "I fought hard for the peace across the Realms, and I would hate to see it so easily shattered."

"Is there anything else?" Maria looked around at them, "Okay, that was all then."

Everyone got up, and Darcy followed Steve into the hall, snatching one of the apples when she passed them. Thor was already gone, and Bucky and Natasha were whispering in Russian.

"So, your first debrief," Steve looked at her with amusement in his eyes as they walked down the hall.

"Yeah... If this is what avenging is like, it's a little disappointing," Darcy joked and took a bite from the apple.

"You saw action too," Sharon said, "there's a bruise on your cheek."

"I probably look scary," Darcy winced at the memory of the slap.

"That's not your fault," Steve chuckled, "Natasha always looks scary."

"Ha-ha, Rogers," Natasha called over her shoulder, "you're hilarious."

"Thanks for standing up for me in there," Darcy told Sharon as they piled into the elevator.

"It was the least I could do," she replied, "I agree with Maria, you were very brave."

Darcy huffed in response and took a bite from the apple. All this praise was making her uncomfortable. If this kept happening, she could end up _liking_ Sharon. Which was a little surprising.

When she entered Thor and Jane's apartment, she could hear raised voices coming from the kitchen. Yikes. She half-ran into her room and shut the door. Jane kind of deserved to be called out. Running right for the fire demons was incredibly stupid. But... Darcy still felt like kid, hiding because her parents were fighting. Thor and Jane were supposed to be happy and adorable!

She removed her clothes and made herself a bath. Slumping in the tub was just what she needed. There was a big purple bruise blooming on her thigh. It looked a lot worse than it was, just like the right side of her face, which was a little swollen.

She played with the bubbles covering the water, and hummed to herself. The key was happy thoughts. Not thoughts of big fire demons. Nope. She tried thinking of the delicious coffee and the wind of her face. Being outside had been _so_ refreshing. She couldn't go back to just sitting inside all the time!

After the bath she dressed in her pajama-bottoms and her 'Geology Rocks' t-shirt. Val had bought it for her, when she interned with Burt Stevens, Valerie's slightly eccentric uncle. 16 science credit for dusting of rocks and making coffee. Not the worst gig.

When she tip-toed past the kitchen, she could still hear them, even though they sounded less angry. Darcy was debating whether or not she could go in there for a snack when she heard Thor raise his voice again.

"Just admit you were not thinking!"

"I _was_ thinking!" Jane matched the volume in his voice, "I wasn't gonna get a similar oportunity any time soon!"

There was the sound of stomping feet coming towards the door. Darcy bolted away from the it, she didn't want them to see her listening in, like some snooping... snooper. And that was why she ended up in the elevator with no shoes. Just her pink knitted socks.

"Where to Miss Lewis?" JARVIS asked her, when she had been staring at the panel for two minutes without moving.

"Who could use the company?" Darcy shrugged.

"Sir is circling around the kitchen in the penthouse, "JARVIS told her as the elevator started moving, "you could make him sit down."

"I can try," she said as the doors opened. She walked across the hall and leaned against the doorframe. Tony Stark was walking in circles in his gigantic kitchen. Darcy watched him for a moment, trying to fight back a smile.

"What's up man?" she finally asked and grinned when he did a little jump in surprise.

"Gheez woman," he rolled his eyes, "don't do that."

"Sorry," she smiled and walked inside, "what are you fretting about?"

"Pepper was supposed to land tonight, but the whole portal business put it on hold," he answered and sat down on one of the stools, "I just miss her."

"Is that all?" Darcy asked while she joined him.

"She may be a little ticked off, because of the whole 'innocent person held prisoner in her home' thing," he gave her a half smile, "I think she's scared you're gonna sue us."

"Oh," Darcy sat there with her mouth open for a while, "I wouldn't..."

"I know kid," he smiled, "Pep is just used to people wanting to sue me, I guess."

That made Darcy laugh. Tony was kind of refreshing to talk to.

"So, what brings you here?" he asked when she had stopped giggling.

"I..." Darcy stared at him for a moment, "... wanted to take you up on the offer to drink and not talk about being held prisoner."

When she said the words, she was surprised by how much she meant it. Getting drunk sounded really good after her action-filled day. Tony made her sit down on the big, soft couch and wait while he got the booze. He returned with a bottle of gin, a bottle of scotch and two glasses.

Darcy downed her scotch in one big gulp and burped, making Tony snort into his glass.

"Charming, Lewis," he winked.

"I know," Darcy smirked and poured herself another glass.

It turned out to take a lot of alcohol to get Natasha drunk, but it happened. Darcy was giggling and talking fast, but Tony had no trouble keeping up. He had switched to water by now, Darcy noticed as she sipped her gin.

They watched cat videos on YouTube and Darcy was a little out of breath from laughing. Tony made her drink a large glass of water and gave a playful push when she pouted.

In the end they slouched on the couch, leaning their shoulders together.

"So, how are you?" Tony asked her.

"Drunk," Darcy said and giggled.

"I hope people aren't being rude to you," he said quietly.

"No no... they are nice," she said, "aside from Coulson."

Tony nodded and sipped his water. Darcy could see him think.

"I understand why you feel like that," he smiled slowly, "I would too. Phil has been through a lot though. Did you know he died in the Battle of New York?"

"He _died_?"

"Yup," Tony popped the p, "from what I heard, he went through a pretty hardcore treatment to get back. And now he's rebuilding SHIELD after the whole HYDRA-disaster. The man is under a lot of pressure. Plus, Natasha is somewhat of soft spot for him I think."

"So I should be okay with what happened?" Darcy raised her eyebrow.

"No that's not what I am saying. I am just saying things are rarely black and white," he looked at his hands.

"So Coulson is Fifty Shades of Grey?" Darcy said and Tony sputtered water all over his pants.

"Good God Lewis, no one wants that _image_ in their head!" he wheezed and wiped his mouth.

"I'm not sorry," she crossed her arms and smiled victoriously.

"Fine, fine," he huffed, "I'll take the hint and stop talking about Phil."

"Thank you," Darcy smiled, "I thought the whole idea was no talking about it."

"True true," he got up, "I'm gonna find some dry pants."

Darcy leaned back on the soft couch and closed her eyes. God it was comfortable there. She didn't notice whether or not Tony came back, instead she fell asleep and (for once) had a dreamless night.

She woke up to the hint of a headache and sunlight slipping through her lashes. She groaned and rubbed her eyes, rolling onto her back. There was a soft blanket covering her and she was still lying on the big couch in Tony's apartment.

Darcy stretched her hands over her head and popped her joins, sighing happily. Then she sat up on her elbows. A woman was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, looking at her with surprise. Darcy blinked and focused just as the woman smiled.

It was Pepper Potts.

Darcy's jaw dropped.

Actual Pepper Potts, wearing a button down and dress pants, with strawberry blonde curls falling down her back. Walking towards her. Barefoot.

"Hi," Pepper Potts said, "you must be Darcy Lewis."

"Hi," she replied and cringed at how raspy her voice was, "yes I am."

"Nice to meet you," Pepper Potts said, "I'm-"

"I know who you are," Darcy said and sat all the way up. She was trying really hard to keep from fangirling all over her.

"This is so surreal," Pepper Potts grimaced, "I'll have to get used to the whole Natasha and you thing."

"Me too," Darcy snorted and it made her laugh. She totally just made Pepper Potts laugh!

"Nice t-shirt," Pepper said with a wink. Darcy looked down her chest and smiled to herself. She loved her geology shirt too. She almost missed Pepper offering her some coffee.

What a way to wake up.

* * *

Ever since Thor left for Asgard, Jane had buried herself in work. Darcy was sure she hadn't sorted things out with Thor or not, because every time she asked, Jane just shrugged and started blabbering about portals. Natasha still joined them in the lab, even though Jane wasn't working on the swap at the moment.

Darcy discovered that Natasha's presence didn't bother her. She simply couldn't care about the drama anymore. Okay, seeing herself walk around in pencil skirts and high heels was still weird as fuck, but otherwise it wasn't a big deal anymore.

"Do you want a soda?" Natasha asked and stood up, "I'm gonna grab a coke,"

Darcy looked across the desk, grabbed another fistful of peanuts and nodded.

"Yeah, a grape soda would be nice," she smiled, "thanks."

She stretched her legs over the chair in front of her and returned her focus to the magazine in her hands. Jane was fussing around the lab, still reading through the data they got from the Muspelheim portal, muttering to herself, but Darcy just tuned her out. She already spent a lot of time trying to forget the fire demons, so they wouldn't show up in her dreams. No need to think about them travelling back.

Natasha had been gone for about five minutes when Coulson walked in. Darcy felt her skin crawl a little when she saw him, and her hand wrapped around her right wrist. He still wasn't her favorite person. No matter what Tony said.

"Dr. Foster," he nodded at Jane, "Miss Lewis, I have some news for you."

Darcy put the magazine down and got to her feet, pushing some crumbs off her shirt. She bit her lip, not sure what to expect.

"I have just heard from Miss Stevens' doctors," he said and smiled, "they can say with certainty that her head trauma isn't severe. She's going to live."

"Oh," Darcy whimpered and clamped a hand over her mouth. Val! Live!

"There is still a long process of rehabilitation ahead of her. When she wakes up, they can tell us if there will be any permanent injury. But her chances are very good," his voice was kind, "they are moving her to New York tomorrow."

Darcy hadn't realized her legs had given in, but now she was aware of her hands and knees against the cool floor. Her breath was shaky, and she didn't know if she wanted to laugh or cry. The feeling of relief was making her light-headed as she looked up at Jane and Coulson.

"I - I can see her," she said, too afraid to make it a question, too happy to hold it back.

"Yes, we can arrange that," he said, "Obviously we'll have to explain to her what happened when she wakes up, and I can't promise you she won't feel differently around you. After all, she doesn't know it wasn't you who attacked her."

Darcy nodded: "I don't care. As long as she lives."

It was true. She could feel it her bones. As long as she was safe, Darcy could live with everything. Natasha entered the lab, saw her on the floor, and ran to her side.

"What happened?"

"Valerie is going to live," Jane said softly.

"She's...," Natasha voice broke, "I didn't kill her?"

"No, you didn't," Coulson placed his hand on her shoulder, and she closed her eyes. Darcy crawled to her feet and threw her arms around Jane. Valerie was going to live!

She was so giddy now!

Val would survive!

She ended up hugging Coulson as well, and found herself with her arms wrapped around Natasha and breathing in the scent of her own hair.

She quickly let go and took a step back, clearing her throat. Instead she hugged Jane again, and kept her arm around the other woman as they said goodbye to Coulson.

"Oh Darcy, I am so happy for you," Jane smiled brightly.

"This is good news," Natasha bit her lip, "I'm gonna go and find James."

Darcy let go of Jane and grabbed Natasha's arm.

"Yeah, it's great. For both of us," she said earnestly and smiled. It really was.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, you lovely human! If you saw any mistakes, hit me up! I am just a poor Dane, attempting at English ;) 
> 
> MCU hasn't told us much about Sharon yet, so I am throwing a headcanon out about her being seriously into sweets and candy and stuff. Give her all the syrup and whipped cream.
> 
> I hope this was okay. Action is hard for me to write (why am I doing this to myself??)  
> Next chapter is getting planned out right now. spoilers: body swapping will be coming to an end!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SOOOO SORRY for how long it has taken me to update!!! First of all, I started uni again, and then this chapter was just. so. hard. to write for me. Seriously, it's been so long, I don't even know if people still want to read this? 
> 
> So, this chapter focuses mostly on Darcy's mental health, and it's a lot of dialogue! I promise things will be more action-y in the next one.   
> Also I just throw science-y words around without *much* knowledge about it. Sorry if you do, and it hurts your eyes.

Darcy had been in a good mood all day, after the news about Valerie. Now it was getting dark outside, and she had just decided to make herself and Jane a big pot of noodle soup, when Pepper Potts walked into the apartment. She looked around, and smiled politely when she saw Darcy.

"Jane's not here," Darcy said and sat up straighter.

"Oh, I was actually looking for you," Pepper said, and walked towards her. She was carrying a folder and a pen, and she definitely gave a business-vibe.

"What can I do for you?" Darcy crossed her legs. Pepper sat down across from her and opened the folder, pulling out different papers.

"I have some business we need to discuss," she said and pushed a loose strand of hair back.

"Business?"

"Yes, well first of all I am greatly sorry for everything they've put you through," Pepper said earnestly.

"Thanks," Darcy scratched her right wrist absentmindedly.

"Look, Darcy..." Pepper pulled out a paper, "the things is, your apartment has been empty this whole time you've been here, and so far Tony has been paying the rent, so you didn't lose your home. However, since switching you back is taking a lot longer than planned - in fact they don't know how long it will take - I wanted to know if we should continue?"

"Paying for my apartment?" Darcy frowned.

"We'll gladly do it," Pepper said, "I just figured we could discuss it. I mean, it's not to say when or if Miss Stevens will return to it, and sadly we don't know when you can either."

"Right," Darcy slumped back in her seat, "wait - how long have I been here?"

"I believe two months?" Pepper looked at the papers, "yes, we've just paid the rent for the third time."

Two months.

Two months of sitting in the Tower.

Two months away from her dad.

Her apartment, her job, her friends.

Two months in a strangers body.

"I..." Darcy's voice broke. Her _apartment_ , with the yellow walls, and the small shower, and the creaking floorboards. She loved that apartment so much. But... living there without Valerie? Going back?

"I don't know," she said in a monotone voice, and got to her feet, "excuse me a moment."

Darcy walked into the bathroom, struggling to keep her emotions in check. When she was had shut the door behind her, she sucked in a deep breath and closed her eyes. Her heart was pounding, and her head was spinning. Her breathing got more and more ragged, and she stumbled forward, grabbing the sink with both hands, letting her head drop as she tried to calm down.

She looked up into the mirror, and nearly screamed in frustration. She just wanted her _own face back_! Not this... Two months! She had been there two fucking months and she wasn't coming home any time soon! She ended up punching the wall in anger, cracking the tile and breaking the skin on her knuckles.

The sharp pain brought her back, and she examined her hand.

She wasn't handling this... she was falling apart.

Not bothering to do anything about the blood, or the tears on her face, she straightened her back and walked out of the bathroom, heading towards the elevator. It was time to do something about it.

"Jarvis, where is Maria Hill?" she asked, her voice raw in her throat. The AI didn't respond, he just opened the elevator doors and moved it downwards when she was inside. The doors opened to an long hallway with glass walls into every office. Darcy walked out, and looked around. Most of the offices were empty and dark, but down in the other end there was a light from one.

Darcy walked down there, heart pounding and ears ringing, opening and closing her fists. Maria Hill was sitting behind a large desk, typing on a laptop. Darcy didn't bother knocking, she just pushed the door open and stomped inside.

"N-Darcy," she looked up, frowning when she took in the state of her visitor.

"This - this staying here, it's not working. I need help," the words sounded harsh, but Darcy didn't care, "I need you to find me help. Coulson said therapy would be offered if I needed it. I don't trust him. And I don't want someone employed by SHIELD."

"Darcy sit down, you look - are you bleeding?" Maria stood up, a worried look on her face.

"I don't want to sit down, I want to go home, I want my body back!" she hissed.

"I'll find someone. I promise," Maria walked around the desk, and escorted Darcy towards a chair. She handed her a water bottle. Then she picked up a phone and dialed. Darcy clutched the bottle, but didn't bother opening it. Everything was still burning inside her.

"Hi, Darcy is down here. Could you come get her?"

Ten minutes later Jane ran in, looking very worried. Her eyes found Darcy, and examined her.

"What happened? Last I saw her she was happy because of Valerie," Jane asked Maria, while walking over and placing a hand on Darcy's shoulder.

"She just walked in here, and demanded I found her some help," Maria said, "I think you should take her to bed."

"Oh Darcy," Jane mumbled and helped her up. Darcy followed her out of the office. Jane was incredibly sweet and all, but _God_ she was just sick of being there, in the Tower, waiting and waiting. Jane didn't say anything, she just escorted Darcy back to the apartment.

Sitting on her own bed, listening to Jane scramble around in the bathroom, Darcy wondered how she had ended up living in Jane and Thor's apartment? It felt natural, but also a little like she didn't make a conscious decision to live there.

Jane returned with bandages and some remedies to clean Darcy's knuckles. Neither of them spoke as she worked. Darcy flexed her fingers when Jane had finished and looked up, meeting the other woman's eyes for the first time.

"All done," Jane said, her voice low.

"Thank you," Darcy replied, and dropped her gaze again. She was feeling exhausted, and considering the wide range of emotions she had gone through in one day, it wasn't really a surprise. Jane left her to get some rest, telling her to call if she needed anything, and Darcy slowly got undressed, ready for sleep.

* * *

Maria Hill was nothing if not efficient, so the following day Darcy found herself standing outside a small meeting room, on one of the lower floors, one knock away from meeting her potential therapist. She _knew_ she needed help, but it was still making her nervous. She didn't trust SHIELD, and opening up about everything seemed incredibly scary.

Darcy took a deep breath, and knocked. The door was opened by a woman in her late forties/ start fifties, and she smiled warmly when she saw Darcy. Her hair was pitch black, with a few white strands, she was wearing a black t-shirt, jeans and a red cardigan. She didn't look like a SHIELD agent, but Darcy was still wary.

"Darcy, come in," the woman said, and stepped to the side, revealing two purple armchairs, and a small coffee table.

"Thanks," Darcy replied politely and sat down, crossing her arms over her chest. They sat there in silence for a moment. Darcy noticed two beanbag chairs in the corner. _Weird._

"Shall we get started?" she asked with a half smile, "my name is Paulina Gutierrez, and I was contacted by Maria Hill, to work on this very _different_ situation."

Darcy hummed in response, which made Paulina chuckle.

"Why don't I tell you a little about myself and my background, so you can decide if I am the right person to talk to?" she suggested and Darcy nodded.

"Good, good," she smiled and placed her hands in her lap, "also, I want you to know that this session today is just for testing, and if you don't want to continue with me, then you don't have to."

This was something Darcy had been worried about, and having the therapist give her the option upfront was a relief. Darcy nodded again, encouraging her to continue.

"Like I said, my name is Paulina, although the only person who calls me that is my mother. Everyone else calls me Pauli or Paul, and you are welcome to do the same. I am 51, and I have three kids, and I will be a grandmother this spring. I grew up here in New York. I studied at Columbia, majoring in Psychology. I spend many years working with soldiers who had PTSD, and doing research in that field. Since the battle of New York, I have been focusing solely on helping people who've had traumas from more mysterious causes. Whether it be aliens or people with gifts or what you can imagine."

"Is that different from regular PTSD?" Darcy asked.

"Well, obviously many of the symptoms and side effects are the same," she answered, "however I have come across a different anxiety when dealing with the supernatural. One thing is to be scared of war or terrorism - essentially what other humans will do - another thing is to be scared of aliens attacking. It's bigger, you know? It's out of our control in a different way than, let's say, the situation in Syria."

"That makes sense," Darcy nodded.

"SHIELD has contacted me a couple of times before, to help them. They seem to believe I am an expert in this particular field," Pauli laughed, "I like to help people, and SHIELD does encounter some very horrifying incidents from time to time."

"So, SHIELD paying you?" Darcy asked and sucked on her lip.

"I am not a SHIELD employee, merely an occasional consultant. I have my own practice here in New York," she leaned forward, "and I don't care who pays me. You can pay me if you prefer to keep SHIELD out of this. It's up to you, Darcy."

Darcy nodded, and thought it over. Obviously she had money now, and keeping SHIELD out was nice. However, having to pay herself also felt a little annoying. It wasn't her fault she needed therapy in the first place!

"You don't have to decide now," Paulina promised, "do you have any questions for me, or shall we start?"

"uh.. start, I guess," Darcy fiddled with her sleeve.

"Now, obviously I was briefed about the case before I came here, but I'd like to hear it from you. Describe to me what happened," Paulina said and readjusted in her seat, her dark eyes intent on Darcy's face.

And Darcy started talking. Telling her about her problems with dreams, how she didn't know what was happening, going on a mission, what happened to Valerie, being held captive, the bed strapping and them not believing her, to now living in the Tower and being treated as their friend.

"Oh my dear girl, I am impressed by how well you are handling this," Paulina looked almost moved to tears, "you are very strong Darcy, very strong."

"Uh... Thanks."

"So tell me, why did you request therapy now?"

The question surprised her. This wasn't what she was expecting at all, and she found herself struggling to find the right answer.

"Pepper had just told me that I had been here for two months, and.. I hadn't even known it had been so long," she started speaking slowly, "it made me scared."

"Take a deep breath. Can you tell me why?" Paulina had a very soothing voice, and Darcy tried to do as she said. Her breathing was uneven, like she couldn't get the air all the way down. And something inside of her was holding back the answer. Something was blocking it.

"I... don't know..."

"I think you are scared that the longer you are here, the harder it will be to return to your old life," Paulina said, "does this sound right?"

The words struck a nerve inside her, and suddenly tears welled up in her eyes. Yes, yes that was exactly that.

"Yes," Darcy said in a low voice.

"That is a very understandable reaction. I think anyone in a your situation would feel the same way. I can't promise you that it won't be hard, but you will have a life after this, Darcy, I promise!" Paulina insisted, "you are young, and so strong, and I know you'll be able to make a life for yourself. A good life."

"Are you sure?" Darcy tried to keep from sobbing.

"Yes, I am," Paulina leaned forward, "can you tell me what you're afraid will go wrong?"

The remaining time at the session went by in a blur. Darcy would say something she was afraid would happen, and they'd talk about whether it could, and what she could do if it did. Darcy didn't stop crying, but she felt so much better, and so relieved when they were done.

"I'd like to continue this," she told Paulina as she got up.

"I'm glad," Paulina extended her hand and Darcy shook it. Paulina suggested they would have a session every other day, giving Darcy a day for things to settle inside her before she had to work again. It made a lot of sense. Darcy left feeling very exhausted, but also uplifted. This therapy thing was going to work, she was certain of it.

Jane was waiting for her with a tray of cupcakes and a cup of hot chocolate. God bless her.

"I remember Bucky needed loads of sugar after his sessions, back when he moved in," she said and patted the cushion next to her.

"Wow, thanks," Darcy sat down and grabbed a cupcake, eyeing it suspiciously, " _you_ didn't bake these?"

"No," Jane rolled her eyes.

"Good," Darcy said, probably a little too enthusiastically. Then she took a huge bite. It was delicious, filled with raspberries and chocolate. Yummy. The hot chocolate was warm and richly flavored as well. Jane was such a sweet friend.

"How was it?" she asked after a moment.

"It was good, actually... It was hard, but I think it will help," Darcy answered, "but God I am tired now."

"I'd imagine," Jane said and started nibbling on a cupcake.

It was nice to eat something sweet and drink the hot chocolate, but Darcy found herself getting more and more tired. In the end, she had to go to her room and take a nap. She curled up into a ball and let her heavy lids drop, falling asleep instantly.

She dreamt of rain and water puddles and running after someone, but never seeing who it was. All she knew was that they were important and she needed them. When she woke up, her eyelashes were sticking together, and her throat felt raw after the crying she had done at the therapy.

She put her jeans back on and walked into the living room. Jane was putting plates and silverware on the coffee table. Then Steve appeared behind her, carrying a large bag of food.

"Hey Darce," he nodded and walked past her, "I brought Thai-food."

"It smells good," Darcy said and followed him to the couch.

They three of them sat down and ate, Jane and Steve doing most of the talking. Darcy answered occasionally, but really she was just exhausted and needed some more sleep. When Steve told her he was proud of her for getting help, she smiled warmly. Steve was a good guy, and he really wanted what was best for her.

Still, she wasn't in the mood for company and chit-chat. It had been really hard for her to open up about her fears. Now, talking to people she hadn't even known that long, was making her even more tired. She stuffed the last rice into her mouth, and got up.

"I'm gonna go sleep. Thanks for dinner," she said and left them.

* * *

Two days later she was back in the big purple chair, looking into Paulina's kind eyes. This time Darcy felt eager to work, to stop carrying things around inside. Paulina made her take a deep breath, and then asked her how she was feeling. Darcy felt less scared, but the fear of not getting her life back was still there.

Talking about it again felt nice. It was like every time she heard Paulina insist it would be okay, some of the fear disappeared from inside of her.

"It helps that Jane is so nice," Darcy said, "I can relax around her. Obviously, they are all _nice_ , I guess I just... No, I mean they are really sweet."

Pauli narrowed her eyes, "Go back, what just happened there?"

"Where?"

"You were talking about Jane, and the moment you mentioned everyone else, your whole body changed," Pauli leaned forward, "you became tense, and closed off. What happened?"

"Nothing happened," Darcy frowned and crossed her arms.

"Take a deep breath Darcy," Paulina smiled patiently, "are you sitting comfortably? Make sure the soles of your feet are pressed against the floor, and your ass is sitting properly in the seat. Another breath, all the way into your stomach."

Darcy followed the instructions, but when she tried getting the breath to go all the way into her stomach, it was like something was in the way. She was closed off, just like last time.

"I can't," she sighed and looked at Paulina with confused eyes, "why can't I?"

"When we have feelings we don't want to face, we push them away and tie ourselves into knots holding them down. You're hiding your feelings, and it makes you tense up, inside and outside."

"I am hiding feelings?" Darcy felt uncomfortable, like she didn't want Paulina's words to be true.

"It is a coping mechanism - maybe you need to hide them? Because letting them out is scary, or won't be heard or whatever the reason,"  Paulina explained, "let's look at them. Tell me about how the others treat you."

"They are nice," Darcy started, "I mean, they apologized, and they invite me to pizza night, and do their best to make me feel welcome. They all try - very hard - to treat me like a friend. Almost too hard."

She added the last part in a muttered voice, but it made Pauli's eyebrows perk up, like she heard something interesting.

"Too hard?" she asked.

"I mean, they just... Jane keeps trying to make me join them for social things, because they are her friends, and I just... They aren't my friends! And.. I don't know, it's just like... ugh.. It's like they are asking me to join because it'll make _them_ feel better, not because it'll help _me_!"

She clamped her hand over her mouth. What did she just say?

"No, no... I mean, it's sweet of them. They didn't have to try to include me. I'm not..." she tried backpedalling but Paulina shook her head.

"You are a very sweet girl Darcy, because right now you are defending them, even though they are the ones in the wrong. I need you to be on team Darcy now, okay?" she smiled and Darcy blushed.

"I just..."

"I think you're angry, Darcy," Paulina said and Darcy felt her throat tighten.

"But... no... I can't be angry at people for being nice..." she mumbled.

"I think you're angry at them, but because they now treat you like a friend, you feel like you can't be angry and upset anymore," Pauline leaned forward, "listen to me: You can be angry all you want. You have every right to that anger. They are keeping you from your life and they didn't believe you were innocent! Aren't you angry? I am angry for you!"

Her dark eyes were shining as she raised her voice. Darcy felt the words clatter around inside her, and suddenly she was angry. But before she could say anything, guilt swallowed the anger and she slumped in her seat.

"But they are trying..." her voice was weak.

"Oh to Hell with them," Paulina snorted, "they should feel guilty! Don't you  think they should feel guilty?"

Darcy took a deep breath, and closed her eyes. She tried to fight the guilt, to push it away so she could feel her anger. Another breath. They should feel guilty. They should. She exhaled.

"Yes they should," she finally whispered.

"Yes Darcy!" Paulina smiled proudly, "come on, say it again, with more power, come on."

"They should feel guilty?" Darcy tried.

"It's not a question, it's a fact! Come on, you can say it," Pauli encouraged.

"They should feel guilty," Darcy voiced stopped shaking, "They should feel _guilty!"_

"One more time."

"They should feel _fucking_ guilty!" Darcy was surprised by the anger in her voice. It was deep and strong and it came all the way from the pit of her stomach.

"Wonderful!" Paulina smiled, "do you feel the anger? Come  on, let it out here. They don't have to hear it, you just need to express it."

"I can feel it, yeah," Darcy said, "I mean, how does eating pizza and watching Die Hard help me? Ugh, I just... their guilt isn't my responsibility. It's not my fault. And who even said I wanted to be their fucking friend in the first place?!"

"Yes! Beautiful Darcy!" Paulina was grinning like a proud soccer mom, "say that part again, the one about responsibility."

She ended up making Darcy stand up and slam her hands into a beanbag while screaming "it's not my responsibility!" over and over. At first it felt completely ridiculous, but after a few tries, Darcy found a feral anger inside her and just gave into it. Afterwards she felt so good.

"Wow," she sighed when she sat back down.

"You did so good today Darcy," Paulina smiled, "getting into that anger is the key, I think. You may have to stay here for safety reasons, but you don't have to play by their rules. Take care of yourself. The next time Jane invites someone over, or they ask you to join them, you take a deep breath and see if it's something you wanna do. If not, say no."

"I'll try," Darcy said.

"That's good," Paulina nodded.

"Oh, and... I've decided to pay you myself," Darcy said as she got up, "that way I feel like I take control."

"Wonderful, I'll send you a bill then," Pauli winked.

* * *

They were sitting in the lab, Darcy, Jane and Natasha, like most afternoons. Jane had just gotten up to fetch a cup of coffee, when Natasha looked at Darcy.

"I thought maybe we could call your father now?" she asked. Darcy almost smiled. Natasha wasn't exactly her favorite person or anything, but at least she seemed to take the phone calls to Darcy's father very serious.

"Yeah, that works for me," she replied, "let's see if he still needs help making his radio work properly."

"It is very sweet, how he relies on your help with technology, and not the staff at the home," Natasha said with a small smile.

"It runs in the family," Darcy said fondly, "I think I explained how radio waves work, like, a bazillion times, to him and my Grandpa."

"Maybe he just li-" Natasha was cut off by Jane, storming towards them with eyes bulging out of her head.

"Radio waves!" she exclaimed and looked back and forth between them, awaiting some sort of reaction.

"What?" Darcy asked.

"Radio. Waves," Jane said again, nodding way too enthusiastically. It made her look slightly crazy.

"Okay, repeating the words doesn't explain anything," Darcy quipped. Natasha made a noise close to a snort and Jane rolled her eyes.

"Professor Xavier said that your minds were constantly trying to get back, but couldn't, right?" Jane said, and Natasha's face immediately lit up.

"Radio waves," she hissed. Jane smiled, which didn't make her look any less crazy, and ran back to her desk, Natasha right behind her. Darcy followed them, still confused. Why did they keep saying radio waves?

Jane was speaking a million words per minute: "if there is a signal, we should be able to detect it - we need Tony for this - maybe I can use my magic sensors, if I just reprogram them - JARVIS can we get Bruce and Tony down here?? Maybe JARVIS can find the waves, he senses everything - don't you?"

"Wait a minute," Darcy interrupted, "explain please."

"Basically, Jane is suggesting that some sort of signal, like radio waves, is keeping our minds switched," Natasha responded.

"Oh... _oh,"_ Darcy sat down on the nearest chair. Maybe they could figure it out? Maybe it would be solved soon! It felt unreal. Natasha and Jane were talking science, and Darcy just sat there dumbfounded, completely taken aback by this possible breakthrough.

After a few moments of silent freaking out, she turned her attention back on the conversation. Tony had arrived, and was matching Jane's lightning speed word-vomit. Natasha was holding her phone, and speaking Russian in an excited tone of voice. That meant she was most likely talking to Bucky.

"Lewis, we may be onto something here," Tony's eyes were shining with excitement over the puzzle, "I mean, Janie's idea is very plausible."

"That's good," Darcy nodded and pushed a red curl behind her ear.

"Yeah, yeah," Tony started typing on a tablet, "I just need..." he fell silent, as he continued typing, and Darcy chuckled at the sight of him, completely focused on one thing, with his tongue poking out in the corner of his mouth.

"So, would you like to call your father now, or is this too exciting?" Natasha asked, and Darcy looked up.

"Let's call him - it's not like I am making a difference here," she replied. They left Tony and Jane working. Darcy had to bite her tongue to keep from saying something along the lines off "I'll be back in my body, and able to see you" to her father, while Natasha talked to him on speaker phone. This could be the solution! Darcy felt more hope than she had in a long time.

* * *

The next few times of therapy was spent sorting out her feelings towards each Avenger separately. Darcy felt completely exhausted after every session, but also uplifted. She discovered many feelings she had been hiding from herself. First of all, she was still a little mad at Thor for not believing in her (she had buried those feels pretty deep, and she still wasn't sure why), secondly she felt a lot better around Sharon. Not like they were friends, but since she was one of the few Darcy had actually let herself be angry at, it was a lot less complicated now.

Jane had taken up a little more time than Darcy had thought. The constant pushing for socializing had bothered her more than she realized. Talking about people like Sam and Bruce were easier, because they both seemed to know she needed time and space. The same with Steve.

Tony and Clint were a little too friendly, and Darcy had to use a lot of energy to find her frustration, because they were both the kind of people she would have loved to be around if it wasn't for the whole situation. In the end she managed to channel it, and Pauli had praised her intensely afterwards.

Paulina was great. She was funny and smart, and she cursed a lot, which Darcy found oddly refreshing. More importantly, she was super talented at what she did, and she made sure Darcy stayed on "team Darcy" as she called it.

Then there was Bucky and Natasha. Darcy had been putting off talking about them. She felt like opening up about that would create an avalanche of tears and anger and confusion, and she wasn't sure she would ever be ready for it.

The day after Jane's radio wave epiphany, Darcy walked past the gym, and heard someone say her name.

"... talk to Darcy?" it sounded like Steve. Darcy turned around, she didn't want to snoop.

"I can't," that was Natasha's voice (or, well, her own voice to be exact). Darcy froze.

"I would've thought you of all people would know what to say to her," Steve sounded disappointed, "you can see what she needs from you."

"Don't you understand that manipulating her is the last thing I can do?"

"I'm not telling you to manipulate her - I am telling you to talk to her, to listen to her," Steve said impatiently. Darcy started walking, she didn't want to listen to this! Manipulating? What was Natasha talking about? She groaned and hurried back to her room.

There she threw herself on the bed and buried her head in the sheets. What the fuck was Natasha's deal? What did she want? Darcy hissed into the bed. Hopefully Jane was going to make a breakthrough, and she could go home soon.

After sulking a little, Darcy rolled out of bed and decided to head down to the labs, and see what Jane was up to. While Darcy had been working intensely on her psyche, Jane and Tony had been working almost non-stop on the mysterious 'waves'. Darcy grabbed a mug and made herself a cup of cocoa, and then she left the apartment.

* * *

Darcy was back in the purple chair, sitting with her feet firmly planted on the floor, and her eyes closed, focusing solely on her breathing. Pauli was talking her through the breathing exercise, her voice gentle and low.

"Are you feeling relaxed?" she asked when Darcy opened her eyes again.

"Yes," Darcy replied with a smile. Pauli was wearing a stormtrooper t-shirt today, and Darcy thought to herself that she just really liked this woman.

"Ready to talk about Barnes and Romanov?" Pauli's eyes sparkled. Darcy's throat tightened. _You can do it_ she told herself.

"No, but... I don't think I'll ever be," she admitted and looked at her hands.

"I know it's hard, and if you want to postpone it, we can," Pauli said, "but I _really_ believe digging into that will help you. You carry so much, my dear."

"I know, and I want to.. I just... I don't know where to start," she bit her lip.

"Let's start with Barnes then," Pauli crossed her legs, "tell me about what he was like when you first arrived."

Darcy took a deep breath and started talking. How he had scared her so much when he attacked her, how he would scowl at her, and then he finally apologized, and she got to yell at him a little. And then he saved her in Central Park, and she had leaped into his arms.

"And now I am so confused," she closed her eyes for a moment, "at first his metal hand scared me so much. But when he saved me from the fire demon, and when he wrapped the arm around me, almost carrying me out, I felt safe. So now that damn arm is scary _and_ safe and I don't know what that means."

She slumped back in her seat and looked up at Pauli, who was looking at her affectionately.

"It means you're feeling different things at once, and that's a lot more normal than what people think," Pauli said, "and I'm glad he saved your life. That was the least he could do. I hope you're not forcing yourself to think of him and feel safe, just because of that."

Darcy frowned, and thought back to the moment where she saw him standing over her, "I was so relieved when I saw him. And when he helped me out, I did feel safe. I don't think I am forcing it."

"Good," Pauli nodded, "that's not a bad thing. It means there is ground for moving past what happened."

"You think?"

"Well yes," Pauli leaned forward, "if he doesn't make your skin crawl with fear, I call that progress."

"But I am so confused..." Darcy scratched her neck.

"You're in the middle of a long healing process," Paulina replied softly, "it's not like the flick of a switch. You won't wake up one day and go _click_ now I forgive you. It will take time."

"I don't think _he_ as a person scares me anymore," Darcy said after a moment, "but I don't particularly like him. Being around him reminds me of the horrible days in the lab."

Pauli's eyes gleamed, "I am so proud of you Darcy."

"Why?"

"See how well you are handling this," she smiled.

"I guess," Darcy shuffled her feet.

"Now, I know you're not scared of him anymore, but I think we should talk about the strangling incident anyway. Is that okay?"

"Yes," Darcy took a deep breath.

The time always seemed to fly when Darcy was in session with Pauli, and this was no exception. In the end, Paulina suggested that since clearing things up with Natasha seemed the most confusing and important, they could invite her along. It seemed weird at first, but promised to give it a thought.

* * *

"Okay, so we found it," Jane smiled, "it's like radio waves - so I was right - but very different. They are basically mirroring normal radio waves, so they are hidden behind the normal ones."

"They are swinging at an incredible speed, I haven't seen anything like it before," Tony added, "whoever did this must be almost as smart as me. Look," he made a hologram appear, and Darcy narrowed her eyes in concentration, "this is what they look like normally."

The waves looked like something from a normal High School physics class. There was nothing special about them.

"This is what they look like if we slow them down, and zoom in," he moved his hand over the hologram, like he stretched them out. The waves completely changed, it was like the wave was made by smaller waves, and each of them made by smaller waves, and on and on. It made Darcy's eyes hurt.

"We have found it now, which means we can make a reverse signal, and switch you back," Jane said proudly.

"Can you trace it? Find where it's coming from?" Natasha asked.

"Sure, but wouldn't you rather..."

"Finding it, would that be faster?" Natasha interrupted.

"I think so... we can use a satellite, or?" Jane looked at Tony.

"Yeah, I have loads of satellites," he grinned.

"I want to find them," Natasha said, "I need to know."

"Right, we can track it," Jane said reassuringly.

"Thanks, that... that means a lot to me," Natasha got up, and walked over to give Jane a hug. Darcy leaned back and sighed. They were going to find them, and get switched back. It was happening. But she was almost afraid of getting her hopes up.

She closed her eyes, thinking over Pauli's suggestion. Darcy felt weird around Natasha, especially after the things he overheard with Steve. If she was being honest, there were things she wanted to say to her, and Darcy wasn't certain she could do it on her own.

Natasha was leaving the room, so Darcy followed her out. "Hey Natasha - can I ask you something?" she called after her.

"Sure," Natasha turned around.

"Um... You know I've been seeing a therapist, and..." she took a deep breath, "I'd like for you to come with me there. Soon."

Natasha's eyes bulged out of her head (Darcy wondered if she herself looked so weird when it happened?) and she bit her lip, "sure..." she sounded uneasy.

"It's just... I think Pauli could help us talk properly, you know..." Darcy tugged at her sleeve, a little nervous.

"Of course, yes, right," Natasha said, "when?"

"Soon, I'll call Pauli and we can set a date," Darcy fished out her phone.

"Yeah," Natasha nodded and looked at her nails. Darcy silently thanked herself for agreeing to talk everything through with Pauli before spilling them out to Natasha. Hopefully that would save them from big load of awkward and badly assembled sentences.

* * *

Paulina smiled politely when Natasha walked through the door. Darcy's heart was hammering, but she noticed Natasha looked nervous as well, which made her a little smug.

"So, this is what you _really_ look like," Pauli grinned.

"Yeah," Darcy scratched her nose. Natasha was wearing dark jeans, a soft looking green sweater, and a pair of glasses that looked a lot more expensive than Darcy's usual ones. It was a little surprising, she usually wore contacts.

"You look lovely," Pauli said, and turned her attention towards Natasha, "please take a seat."

There was a bit of awkward silence, while Natasha sat down in the chair next to Darcy, and readjusted her long brown curls. Darcy inspected her nails and tried taking a calming breath like Pauli taught her. She went through what she wanted to say, in her head, trying to remember it all.

"Now, Natasha, Darcy asked you to join us today, because the situation between the two of you is complicated, and not really working," Paulina started, "I am here to help, both Darcy and you. It's important that you listen to each other, and to yourselves, okay?"

They both nodded in response.

"Well, then let's get started," Paulina said, "Darcy?"

Darcy nodded again, and cleared her throat. She looked over at Natasha, who was watching her with expecting eyes. _Here we go_ , Darcy thought and sat up a little straighter, trying to trick herself into feeling ready.

"Um... So, obviously things are weird, because we, like, got off to a rocky start, and I get that... But like, we just..." she took a deep breath, "the thing is, I don't understand the way you act around me. You say you're sorry, and you want to help me, but you don't really acknowledge me or my difficulties. It's like... I am not telling you to wallow in guilt, but I guess a little recognition that this is pretty hard for me?"

Natasha regarded her intently, and Darcy furrowed her brows. She wasn't sure she made her feelings clear at all.

"I overheard you talking to Steve," the words tumbled out, and Natasha's eyes widened, "I mean, I just heard a few words, but... You were talking about manipulating me, which I just didn't understand at all."

"Oh," was all Natasha said. Darcy's heart pounded, this wasn't how she had wanted this to go!

"I'm just... I want to move on from this, but I can't..." Darcy started, but Natasha lifted a hand.

"I understand, I just need a moment to reply," she said softly.

"Right, okay," Darcy scratched her neck and leaned back into the chair.

"Darcy," Natasha frowned, "to answer this, I need to explain something about myself. You know I am trained in fighting, but that isn't my primary function. I am a spy, and I _read people_. All the time, even without wanting to, I categorize everyone's actions, I analyze them, I see how they respond to the world. It's what I _do_. But you... First of all, you're not in your own body, so it's harder. More importantly, I don't _want_ to. It feels like _cheating_ , if I just use my skill to make you forgive me. You told me that you're not a mission, and you're right."

 Darcy wasn't sure where Natasha was going with it, but she still nodded, urging the other woman to go on.

"However, the plan seems to backfire," Natasha gave a little smile, "because I can't seem to _not_ analyze people. I guess in my attempt to avoid analyzing you, I've ended up avoiding you."

Darcy took a deep breath. Natasha's words were spinning through her head. It was hard to come up with a proper reply. She closed her eyes and concentrated on breathing deeply. Natasha's actions _made sense_ , but it was still kind of _ridiculous._

"I understand what you mean," Darcy said after a moment, and opened her eyes again, "but it's _okay_ for you to use your abilities to read me. I mean, don't Pavlov me, or trick me. But, anticipating my needs isn't a crime."

"I'm sorry..." Natasha said, "I wish I could undo everything that happened to you. You didn't deserve this."

"Then you need to _talk to me,_ " Darcy insisted, "because everything is fucked up right now, and I could use some fucking closure."

Natasha looked like Darcy had slapped her, and Darcy closed her mouth so hard it rattled her jaw. _Shit_ , did she just take it too far? She was about to apologize when Paulina started speaking.

"Natasha, I think what Darcy is saying is that a lot of things has happened between you, and for her to get through this, she needs to sort them out," Pauli's voice was gentle, "how does hearing that make you feel?"

"It's... It's hard, because I _do_ want to help her, and I feel like shit because I haven't. In fact I have been doing the opposite," she removed the glasses and rubbed her eyes.

"Darcy, how is it to hear that Natasha does want to help you?" Pauli asked.

"I'm glad, I guess?" she shrugged, "I mean, it's a start."

"It is," Paulina nodded, "and it's a good start, because you two have several things that needs sorting out."

_We do_ , Darcy thought and sighed. It was a good thing they had doubled the normal session time for this. Natasha put the glasses back on, and gave Darcy a nod, as if to say: let's go.

"I believe the first thing is Valerie, Darcy's room-mate," Pauli said kindly. Darcy swallowed.

"Yeah," Natasha's shoulders tensed, "I understand if you won't forgive me for that."

Darcy felt her heart clench. Natasha looked so... defeated? It was obvious she was burdened with a lot of guilt, and it made Darcy feel bad for her. She looked at her hands and took a deep breath, like Pauli taught her, trying to push her empathy for Natasha's situation away, so she could sense her own feelings.

"It's not... It's not about my forgiveness, I think," she finally spoke, "first of all, it kind of depends on Valerie's recovery. I mean, things are looking up for her, right? And I can see how much you regret it. I feel like I should be on _her_ side though, so my forgiveness depends on hers."

The corner of Natasha's mouth quirked slightly, "That's fair."

"You hurt her, and that's not okay," Darcy bit her lip, "but I don't think you're a bad person."

"You sure about that?" it was probably meant as a joke, but it came out vulnerable.

"Yes," Darcy nodded, "and you better not make me regret it."

"You sound like Nick," Natasha gave her a small smile.

"Fury?"

Natasha nodded.

"I'll take that as a compliment," she replied with a nervous little laugh. Paulina cleared her throat, and suggested getting back on track. It was a tough conversation. Darcy felt completely drained afterwards. They had cleared a lot of things up, but they both knew there was a lot of work left, before things were sorted out. The elevator ride back up was spent in awkward silence.

"If you need anything, let me know," Natasha said, "and I'll try to help you where I can. More space, more acknowledging your struggle, more groveling," she smiled at the last bit, and Darcy made a little huff in reply. Natasha got off the elevator, and Darcy sighed deeply. What a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading - let me know if you spot any mistakes: typo's, mixed tenses, all of it.
> 
> Pauli is based on my own therapist, and so is a lot of her technique. I can tell you that hitting a beanbag chair and yelling at people who aren't there, actually works _really well_. Obvs my own struggles are nothing compared to what Darcy is going through right now. So. Yeah. I just used what I knew.
> 
> I hope things made sense. And I'll try to update again a lot sooner (that shouldn't be hard. it's been, like, six months. I should be able to beat that, right?)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anyone still reading this??
> 
> I can't believe it has been this long since I last updated. SORRY GUYS. it sucks. uni got hella intense, and the angst and feels were just so !!! hard for me to write !! ?? !! This is an emotional one, guys, so strap in. Can't tell you how many times I listened to It's Quiet Uptown to get in the right mood of COMPLETE SADNESS. I hope you like it. It's been so long I can't even tell if it is good anymore.
> 
> (BONUS POINTS IF YOU CATCH THE BUFFY REFERENCE)

For once, Darcy had a night of dreamless, deep and uninterrupted sleep. When she woke up, she felt pretty sure this was the most well-rested she had felt since the body-swap. She hoped it wasn't a onetime incident, but instead came from having that therapy session with Natasha the day before.

She crawled out of bed, and stretched her arms over her head, yawning as she popped her joints. Darcy rubbed her eyes, and walked out of her room, heading for the kitchen. She heard voices echo down the hall. Jane was definitely in the kitchen, talking to someone. That someone turned out to be Natasha, and they both looked up when Darcy entered. Jane immediately smiled widely.

"It's alive!" she exclaimed, and laughed loudly at her own joke.

"We wondered if you were going to sleep all day," Natasha said and then she gestured to the box in front of her, "I brought donuts!"

Darcy grabbed a donut in each hand and sat down on the stool next to Jane, biting into the left one. Natasha looked like she was fighting a smile. Darcy noticed Natasha was wearing the glasses again, and smiled to herself. Darcy always found glasses more comfortable than contacts, and it seemed like Natasha had made the same discovery.

"Did you sleep well, Darce?" Jane asked, her eyes twinkling.

"I slept like the dead," Darcy grinned and licked sugar of her finger, "like, no dreams, no waking up."

"That's great," Jane grabbed a donut just as her phone started ringing. She left the kitchen with a nod, and Darcy looked back at Natasha, once again taken aback by how _weird_ looking at herself was. Natasha cleaned her up very well, even in normal jeans and a black shirt. Darcy was pretty sure she made Natasha look like a mess.

Darcy's hair was pretty cooperative, but Natasha's curls were different. They lived their own life, getting wild and tangled easily. Darcy had no idea how Natasha tamed them. She was pulled out of her thoughts by Natasha clearing her throat.

"I wanted to talk to you about something," she said.

"Shoot," Darcy said and grabbed another donut. Enough sleep and sugar was getting her in a good mood.

"First of all, I wanted to say that you don't have to do the training any more. My muscles have been rebuild by now," Natasha smiled sheepishly, "and I wanted to thank you for doing it in the first place. Darcy you..." a deep sigh, "I can't believe I haven't shown any appreciation of all the things you have done for me. From day one, you have taken care of me and my reputation. From the exercising to saving people outside. Even staying cramped up inside the Tower!"

Darcy sucked on her lip as Natasha spoke, her heart was hammering in her chest.

"I just wanna say: _Thank you!_ " her voice was filled with sincerity, "it means so much to me. I don't deserve such kind and generous treatment from you. And I am _so sorry_ I haven't told you sooner!"

Darcy gave her a little half-smile, "Uh, thanks. You saying that means a lot to me."

"I should have said it sooner," Natasha sighed, "I just wish I had treated you as respectful as you have treated me. You're a good person Darcy. Much better than me. I owe you so much."

"Uh," okay, so getting praised wasn't exactly something Darcy was good at handling. Especially when it was so sincere, and said by someone she spent a long time not liking.

"Oh, and another thing: I am going to pester Coulson until he has arranged for you to see Valerie. It's about damn time," Natasha nodded and got up, "enjoy the donuts."

Darcy sat back, staring at the box in front of her. Her heart was pounding and the bite of donut was tasteless in her mouth. Seeing Valerie... Had she ever wanted anything more in her life? While simultaneously dreading it? Probably not. It was a good thing she was already sitting down! Jane came back into the kitchen, smile paling when she saw her.

"Are you okay?"

"Uh, yes and no?" Darcy looked at her hands.

"Did Natasha do something?" Jane frowned.

"No she was.. kind of great..." Darcy closed her eyes, "I am going to see Valerie soon. But I am scared. Like, I want to see her. But, I don't know what to expect, and that's scary."

Jane didn't say anything, she just wrapped her arms around Darcy, and rested her head on her shoulder. It was incredibly comforting to just sit there and be held by Jane. Darcy was a little surprised by how much it calmed her. When did she get so attached to Jane Foster?

"I need to get dressed," Darcy finally broke the silence.

"But your pj's are so cute," Jane teased, and let go. She clapped Darcy on the shoulder, and gave her a reassuring nod. Darcy hopped down from her stool, and made her way back to her room.

* * *

Natasha seemed to have a way with Coulson, because it didn't take long for things to be arranged. However, there was one thing Darcy had to do, before she could see Valerie. And that was to meet with Val's parents. Coulson said he had explained them the swapping situation as soon as they knew about it, but Mr. and Mrs. Stevens had expressed a desire to check for themselves. Darcy couldn't blame them, she wouldn't trust Coulson either, if it was her.

Even though she knew she had done nothing wrong, she was still nervous as she awaited their arrival. They were going to see her at the Tower, and then - hopefully - drive together to the hospital. She was waiting for them in a conference room, on one of the lower floors. Darcy knew Natasha was going to speak with them too at some point. Some serious apologizing and groveling needed to happen! Coulson had told her that they paid Valerie's hospital bills, and was going to pay for whatever kind of therapy and physical rehab she would need when she woke up.

Darcy could feel a sad little smile appear on her lips. _When_ she woke up. It was such a relief to use the word _when_ instead of _if._ Hopefully she would wake up soon! Darcy sighed and closed her eyes. She thought back to when her and Valerie were just becoming friends. Val, with her blonde hair almost reaching her hips, and her denim vest, and Darcy with her many colorful bracelets and obsession with wearing oversized t-shirts as dresses. They were quite the duo.

Val would sit in her dorm room, legs on the table, and loud music coming from her crappy boombox, and Darcy would barge in there with coffee or beer, and they would just _talk_ for hours. Val's room-mate made pot brownies all the time, so sometimes they would get stoned and watch _Red Dwarf_ ,  and just laugh and laugh.

Darcy heard footsteps coming down the hall, and sat up straighter. She took a deep breath, and felt something tug inside her. They could appear any moment now. How would they react? Would they believe her? Oh God, she was so nervous! Back in college they had almost been her substitute parents. Darcy liked to joke with Val about having a crush on Mr. Stevens, but she didn't really mean it. It was just funny to see Val squirm.

Mr. Stevens was a large man, with an impressive beard and eyes that twinkled under bushy eyebrows. He was very enthusiastic about music, and he always played records for them, and rolled his eyes when Valerie didn't want to listen to Rolling Stones. Darcy loved getting music recommendations from him.

Mrs. Stevens was a willowy, graceful woman, with a barking laugh. She had passed her blonde hair and zero-bullshit-tolerance on to her daughter, and she used to invite Darcy along for dinner, when she visited Val at college.

Coulson walked through the door, and Darcy fought the urge to scowl at him. If she hadn't wanted to make a good impression on the two people right behind him, she probably would have made a face. Okay, she definitely would have. That guy just irked her.

Then her eyes spotted Val's parents and she nearly dropped her jaw. They looked so _tired_. There was more grey in Mr. Stevens' beard, and Mrs. Stevens had bags under her eyes. Darcy gulped. Oh man, oh man, oh man. They both regarded her coldly.

"So, this is supposed to be Darcy?" Mrs. S said. She sounded like the explanation was still confusing her. Darcy thought she could see small wrinkles around her eyes that hadn't been there before. Val's coma had really worn them out.

"Yes, this is Miss Lewis," Coulson said, a patient smile on his face. At least he remained professional now.

"Mrs. S, I promise it is me," Darcy said, and her voice was shaking. In fact all of her was shaking. She cleared her throat, "I hardly understand what has happened myself. But, um... why don't you ask my something, and check for yourself."

Mr. Stevens looked at her, and Darcy's heart clenched when she saw that the usual twinkle in his eyes had disappeared. He swallowed and asked: "Who's president?"

"We're checking for Darcy, not amnesia," Darcy said with a nervous smile.

"Right, right..." he coughed.

"What happened at our beach house in your junior year?" Mrs. Stevens asked, and her eyes seemed to examine every part of Darcy (Natasha's?) face.

"About 10 minutes before you guys arrived, I knocked over your grandmother's old glass vase, and it shattered. I felt so bad I couldn't stop crying. And Val took the blame, and told you it was her," the story fell easily from her lips, but her voice still grew thick in the end, "But you noticed me hiding in the kitchen, still crying, and you came out and gave me this... this really big hug and told me it was okay, because you secretly hated that vase and you didn't have the heart to throw it out, because your mother would be upset. And I cried even more, because it had been years since someone gave me such a _mom_ hug. Val still thinks you believed her."

Mrs. Stevens' eyes were glistening with tears, and she nodded. Mr. Stevens looked deep in thought, and then he cleared his throat.

"What's Valerie's favorite ice cream?" he asked.

"Hazelnut," Darcy answered.

The couple exchanged looks, and nodded. "It's really her," Mrs. S said, and then she half-ran across the room and pulled Darcy into a hug.

"Mr. Coulson, how could you have kept this girl hidden from us all this time?" Mr. Stevens asked coldly, while Val's mother smoothed down Darcy's hair, and held her close.

"We have kept her here for her safety, which I will not apologize for," Coulson said, "however, I will apologize for not bringing you here to see her sooner. Fixing the body swap proved to be more difficult than we first had anticipated. I had thought that by now she would... Anyway, I do apologize. For all the pain we have cost you and your family."

 Darcy snorted. Loudly. She hadn't meant to, but sometimes she just got super pissed around Coulson and his professionalism. The others seemed to ignore her.

"We're taking her home with us," Mrs. Stevens said, still with an arm around Darcy.

"I am afraid you can't," Coulson said, "it would put you, and Miss Lewis in too much danger. I am very sorry for this." He actually looked sorry. Darcy bit her lip and turned her gaze to Mrs. S.

"It's okay, I think," she said, "they're really close to fixing me. I am sure I will be able to leave soon."

"As long as you're sure," Mrs. Stevens said, and hugged her again, "oh this is weird. You're too tall."

Darcy made this weird giggle that was also kind of a sob, and hugged back. She was anxious to see Valerie, but also dreading it more and more. How did her life get so _fucked up_?! Ugh, this was too much for one person to deal with. She took a deep breath to steady herself, and suggested getting ready to leave. Coulson nodded, and started leading them down the hall.

The car was a sleek black thing, but Darcy was certain it was loaded with weapons, ready to survive anything. The three of them sat alone in the back, while Coulson rode in front.

"How are you holding up, honey?" Mrs. Stevens asked.

"It's... tough," Darcy replied, "like, so tough. But I think I am handling it okay. I started to see a therapist, and it helps. A lot."

"I'm glad," Mrs. S smiled. It was a sad smile, and it made Darcy's heart hurt.

"How are you?" she asked.

"It's been horrible, to be honest with you. Not knowing, waiting. Thinking _you_ had attacked her. I just... I want my little girl back," Mrs. Stevens voice broke in the end.

"We don't know what to expect when she wakes up," Mr. Stevens finally spoke, "what struggles she might face. If she's even..."

"Cal, don't," Mrs. S said, her voice like steel.

"I miss her so much," Darcy whispered. _God_ , she missed her. It was a constant ache inside her. At least she would see Val soon. That was comforting and scary at the same time

"Mr. Coulson told us we have every right to sue them, but he said if we did it before you were swapped back, it would hit the news and put you and that agent in danger. He said he would completely understand if we did it, though." Mrs. S crossed her arms.

"He knows he fucked up," Darcy said.

"Are you planning on suing them, honey?"

"I don't think so," Darcy bit her lip - an action she was doing more and more often, she noticed. "When it's over, I just want it to be over, you know?"

"Yeah," she nodded, "they said they would pay for any physical therapy, actual therapy and anything else she would need. I guess it depend on her, if she wants some justice."

"She might think of something better - like making Tony Stark do a vlog, where he talks about why _Armageddon_ is a masterpiece, and scientifically accurate," Darcy suggested.

"She would do that," Mr. S let out a small chuckle.

* * *

Hospitals were the worst. Darcy had no idea how they managed to make white walls look _sad_ , but they did. Mr. and Mrs. Stevens were leading the way, and Darcy trailed behind them. They had made her hide her hair under a hoodie, and she kept her gaze on the ground.

When they stopped, Mrs. Stevens patted her on the shoulder. "We'll give you some time alone, honey."

Darcy grabbed the handle, and took a deep breath to steady herself, before walking inside. She stared at the floor, scared to lift her eyes and see Valerie. This was it. She was going to see her friend again, after everything. Her heart was pounding against her ribcage. Slowly, she lifted her gaze, swallowing an extra time.

 Nothing could have prepared her for the sight that waited for her. At first Darcy couldn't even recognize her; the girl in the bed was too small and too pale. Her hair had lost its shine, her cheeks looked hollow, and her face was blank.

Darcy choked out a sob and ran to the bed.

No no no no.

Valerie didn't look like _Val_ at all. She looked broken, lacking all the colors that used to be there. The slow rise and fall of her chest was the only thing reassuring Darcy that her best friend wasn't actually dead.

"Val..." her voice broke as she sat down, "can you.. can you hear me?"

Talking to her was futile. Coma patients only woke up in movies, when the protagonist showed up and held their hand. This wasn't a movie, this was real life, and even if Valerie woke up, it wouldn't be the happy ending. The seriousness of the situation was finally hitting Darcy, what had happened to her best friend, and what it meant for _her_. Darcy's breath became shallow, and tears started streaming down her cheeks and dripping onto the sheets on the bed, and she felt like the room was spinning around her.

What was Valerie going to face when she woke up? Maybe she would have brain damage? She could lose her ability to talk! To move! Would Val even be able to live a normal life again? Another burst of crying poured out of her, and she nearly toppled over.

Taking a deep breath, Darcy took Valerie's hand between her own and looked down at the expressionless face on the pillow. Oh God, oh God, _oh God_.

"Val, remember when we went on spring break, and you- you said that you wanted to party so hard you'd need a month long c-coma to recover, and we kept- kept laughing every time we thought about it?" she asked, while hot tears streamed down her cheeks, "well, I don't think it's funny anymore."

Her breath hitched and suddenly she was sobbing uncontrollably again, clasping Valerie's hand harder. "Please wake up," she whispered, " _please_."

Darcy didn't know how long she sat there, silently crying, but suddenly two hands squeezed her shoulders. Val's parents stood behind her, but neither of them spoke. They just watched their daughter. Finally, Darcy cleared her throat, and wiped her eyes.

"She's so small," her voice wavered.

"Yes," Mrs. S replied with a thin voice.

"I hate this so much." Darcy felt like throwing up. The mix of anger, sadness and feeling helpless was almost too much for her to bear. Her chest felt like it was going to implode, and she didn't understand how there could still be tears streaming from her eyes.

Val's parents sat down and they talked to Valerie like she could hear them. They just told her little stories about their days: what they had for lunch, a cute dog they saw, updates about her pregnant cousin, that kind of stuff. All the while Darcy just sat there, silently crying.

She cried on the way home, in the car, and she cried in the elevator, and when she walked through Jane's apartment, and curled up into a ball on the soft couch. At some point she fell asleep, and when she woke up, her eyelashes were sticking together, and her throat felt raw. She had no idea how long she had been asleep, but it was dark outside, and the lights were on.

When she sat up, Jane came out from the kitchen, and walked over to give her a hug. Darcy leaned against her shoulder, and they sat there in silence for a while. Finally Jane spoke: "You know, before you got switched, I had never seen Natasha cry before. I know _you're_ the one crying, but it looks like her, and it's freaking me out."

"Oh?"

"I guess, somehow, watching Nat's face cry her eyes out, kind of makes the situation more real for me. I am sorry about that, because I should acknowledge _your_ pain. I am so sorry Darcy."

"Why are you apologizing?" Darcy whispered.

"Because you're really great, and I like you a lot, and it makes me forget that you're not happy at all." Jane moved, so Darcy had to lift her head, and Jane looked into her eyes, "I'll fix this. I promise. You shouldn't have to stay here anymore."

"I don't expect you to-"

"Astrophysics may be my field, but I am really smart, good at building equipment and friends with Tony Stark. Darcy, it's about time you went home."

For some reason, tears formed in Darcy's eyes - she had thought she would have run dry by now, but no, she was back to crying. Jane took her hand, and squeezed it.

"I like you too, by the way," Darcy said after a moment, "you've been a great friend."

"Thank you," Jane said and after a moment, she smiled playfully and asked, "aren't you hungry?"

There  was leftover pizza in the fridge, and Darcy heated two slices in the microwave. Jane had really meant it when she said she wanted to fix it, because she made herself a large coffee and said she was heading into the lab. If Darcy hadn't been too drained from the crying, she probably would have wondered how Jane was actually holding up with Thor gone. But instead she just grabbed her plate and a Mountain Dew and joined Jane in the lab.

She didn't contribute much, instead she just sat curled up on a chair, nibbling on the pizza and sipping Dew. Jane was typing on a laptop, occasionally talking. It was surprisingly nice, to just sit and give an reply now and then, but just mostly be present and eating pizza. Darcy had experienced enough emotions that day to last her an entire month, and really she just wanted to feel nothing for a little while again.

At some point she got tired again, and she decided that both her and Jane needed sleep. Jane protested weakly, but followed her out of the lab nonetheless. 

* * *

It was a slow morning for Darcy,  but after a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal, she dragged herself into the elevator, and down for a session with Pauli. They had scheduled it, knowing the visit to the hospital would be hard for Darcy, and oh wow was she thankful for that now.

Pauli hugged her a little longer than usual, when they said hello, and Darcy felt instantly comforted by the touch, and the warmth in Pauli's dark eyes when she looked at her. This woman was a blessing! They sat down and after a few deep breaths, Darcy tried putting what she had seen into words.

"It's real now. I mean, I knew it all along but... I think it was more about me before, and now... Now I realized that _her_ life is forever changed as well. Hers, and her parents. I just... It's too much, Pauli. I can't..."

"Deep breaths, all the way down," Pauli instructed, and Darcy followed orders. It was strange how easily she forgot to breathe properly, when she was talking. "What you're going through right now _is_ more than what one human can bear. All you can do is let yourself feel what you can, and talk about it whenever you can."

So they talked, until the hour was done, and Darcy's throat felt raw from crying again. But she felt a little better. Pauli kept her anchored, making sure she dealt with the facts, and not took her fears as the truth. It was hard, she was _so scared_ for Val's future, but the latest reports from the doctor had been promising, and she had to remind herself of that.

Pauli insisted she worried about her own mental health, and while Darcy couldn't really shake a sense of guilt completely, she also knew that the only way she would be able to move on, was to help herself to feel better again.

Pauli left her with another big hug, and a new appointment, and then Darcy made her way back up to Jane's apartment. It was empty, so she heated the remaining pizza, and went down to the lab. Jane was hunched over a laptop, frowning deeply.

"I may have something," she said when she saw Darcy come in, "ooh pizza."

Darcy handed her one of the slices, and sat down in her chair. The private labs were much nicer than the one she had been held prisoner in. Bruce Banner was behind a glass wall, in the back of the room. Darcy supposed the chemistry stuff he worked with needed to be in a clean environment, not like this place, where they ate all the time.

Again, Darcy felt a bit more at peace near Jane, watching her work. Especially since Jane seemed confident she had found something. Jane called for Tony, and he strode into the room, nodding at Darcy before turning towards Jane's laptop with expectant eyes. He looked like Jane had promised him an extra birthday present. He seemed to really like this puzzle.

"How - how was it yesterday?" a voice said behind Darcy. She turned around and when she saw it was Natasha, this big, ugly wave of dislike washed through her. It was so much, she visibly flinched and she even made a hissing noise. Natasha's face fell.

"Did I scare you?" she asked, even though Darcy could tell she _knew_ what had happened.    

"She's.... I..." the words wouldn't come out, and Darcy ended up just rushing out of the lab, unable to speak to any of them. She hid in the corridor behind the elevator, and tried to get her breathing under control. Nobody followed her out, so she closed her eyes and counted the seconds of every breath she took.

Fuck. This whole situation was fucked. When would her feelings stop being such a mess? She felt bad for reacting like she had, but she also just felt so angry at Natasha for putting Val in that situation in the first place.

Darcy opened and closed her fists, trying to calm herself down. Right. Okay. Maybe she just needed to be alone. She sighed, and walked to the elevator. She couldn't deal, she just couldn't. Not anymore. Not today. She needed a distraction, and she needed it now.

"Jarvis," she said, as she walked into Jane's living room, "I need a silly, feel good film, and I need it now."

"Certainly, Miss Lewis," he replied, and was Darcy starting to imagine things, or did he sound _caring_? She threw herself onto the couch, just as the TV turned on, and the opening credits to _Home Alone_ started playing.

"Uh Jarvis?" Darcy addressed the ceiling, not sure where to send her slightly condescending look, "Home Alone?"

"It's about Christmas, and family, so it is a feel good film," he replied politely, "and the traps Kevin sets up result in much silliness."

Darcy thought it over, and then she shrugged. He did have a point, and she _had_ always liked Christmas films. As the movie played, she had to agree with the AI; this was exactly the kind of movie she had wanted to watch. She actually caught herself laughing several times, even if the laughter felt a little strange in her throat, like she was re-learning how to do it.

There was a soft knock behind her, and Darcy looked over her shoulder. Sharon was smiling sheepishly in the doorway. "I hope I am not disturbing you," she said and nodded towards the TV.

"I'm just- it's fine," Darcy replied, and gave a weak smile.

"I am not gonna stay, I just wanted to tell you that there is a Doombot attack in L.A. and that the Avengers just left," Sharon said and scratched her neck, "I have no idea why he attacks the west coast. Maybe he thinks they won't stop him there. Weirdo."

"Huh," Darcy frowned, "why didn't you go?"

"I'm just a SHIELD agent," Sharon's smile seemed a little forced, "anyway, we're not many left. Natasha has to stay behind, so Bucky's with her. They are keeping Jane company in the lab."

"Won't they need them?" Darcy asked, and mentally listed the people who must have left: _Clint, Sam, Steve, Tony and Bruce_. Was she forgetting anyone?

"It's just Doombots, it is almost standard procedure by now," Sharon shrugged, and pulled her hair into a pony tail.

"But they brought Bruce?" Darcy asked.

"Yeah, just to be safe," Sharon replied, "I am going to hit the gym, punch some bags."

Darcy figured it was a coping mechanism, when the one you love went out to fight robots. Keeping yourself busy and all. It was similar to Jane, who was consumed with work. Darcy was starting to wonder if she should intervene or something, maybe make her a schedule. Natasha and Bucky were keeping Jane company right now though, so Darcy decided to leave them alone.

Instead she went into the kitchen, grabbed a beer from the fridge, and sat down in the armchair by the large window. She looked out at Manhattan, dazzled by the lights and the lives out there. People who were falling in love, and getting jobs, and having birthdays, and messing up recipes and tripping over their own feet.

And here she was, in the Black Widow's body, stronger than she had ever been, but more broken. It was all so strange. Her life had changed from mundane to complete madness, and it made her feel like she was always a little out of breath. The beer tasted good, and she drank it faster than what was probably wise. God she wanted to go home.

Her thoughts were interrupted by another knock. Did Sharon want something else? Darcy frowned and turned around, the words _what now_ ready on her tongue. But it wasn't Sharon. Bucky was standing there, leaning against the doorway. "Can I come in?" he asked.

"Uh, yeah... yeah," Darcy placed the empty bottle on the window sill and got to her feet, "there is beer in the fridge. If-if you want."

Bucky moved swiftly towards the kitchen, returning with two open beers, and they sat down on opposite ends of the sofa. Darcy took a sip from her bottle, and licked her lips. This was.. unexpected to say the least. The two of them didn't speak much.

"I..." Bucky started, looking down at the bottle in his hands, "I am very sorry for everything that has been happening to you."

"Thank you," Darcy said in a low voice, her eyes fixated on the coffee table in front of her.

"Do you want to punch something?" he asked, and Darcy looked up in surprise. That was _not_ what she had expected at all.

"Actually, I do," she said, and almost smiled.

"I figured. Words and talking is really great and all, but sometimes you just gotta punch the hell outta something," he said and took a sip of beer, "otherwise that anger is just gonna remain inside, and fuck with your head."

"You just summarized my problem, buddy," Darcy said, "that's what my therapist keeps saying."

"Wanna go punch something now?" he asked. Darcy looked at him. His smile was polite, telling her the choice was hers, and he would understand a no, but there was something expectant in his eyes. He was hoping for a yes. Darcy furrowed her brows a little, as she thought it over. She had been drinking, the whole day had been more than emotional, and she wasn't even sure she liked him as a person. However, there was this feeling of _what the hell_ bubbling up inside her.

"You know what? Yeah, let's go punch something," she responded. Bucky's smile widened, and he lifted his beer towards her.

"Cheers," he said, and then he emptied the bottle. Darcy watched his Adam's apple bop up and down for a second, and then she mirrored his action, the words _what the hell_ echoing through her head one more time.

"I'm gonna change," Darcy gestured to her jeans and shirt.

"See you in a bit," Bucky nodded and carried his empty bottle into the kitchen. Darcy left hers on the table. She would clean it up later.

***

Sharon was still in the gym, and she didn't even look up from the punching bag in front of her, when Darcy entered. Bucky was there as well, and he smiled when he saw her. Darcy fidgeted with the hem of her t-shirt, and smiled back.

"Do you know how to punch properly?" Bucky asked. Darcy frowned.

"I.. think so?" her reply came out like a question.

"Let's see, shall we?" he said and gestured to a punching bag behind him, "we don't want you to mess up your wrists."

It turned out she _did_ know how to punch. Her dad would be so proud. Darcy pushed a her hair over her shoulders, and placed her feet firmly on the ground. Bucky smiled reassuringly, and Darcy threw the first punch.

_Ah!_

Sometimes she forgot how much stronger Natasha was, but seeing the bag move backwards reminded her. Darcy smirked, and punched it again. HA! That felt great. She rolled her shoulders and stretched her neck to the side, before punching again.

She had just worked up a good rhythm, and was slowly reaching a state where she didn't even have to think, when JARVIS called for their attention.

"Sergeant Barnes, Agent Carter, Miss Lewis," he said. Darcy stopped punching and turned her attention towards the other occupants of the room. The ricochet from the punches made the bag bop into her shoulder, but she ignored it. Bucky looked confused, and even Sharon had stopped moving.

"What is it?" Bucky asked.

"Dr. Foster requests your presence in the lab. It's important."

The three of them exchanged glances, as they started walking to the door. Darcy's heart was pounding. What was it? Could it be? Her stomach curled with anticipation, like it couldn't decide between butterflies or uneasiness.

None of them spoke, as they made their way to the lab. Sharon's face was blank, like she was deep in thought. Bucky had a look of confusion and expectation on his face, and Darcy was pretty sure her expression matched his.

The moment they stepped through the door, Jane jumped out of her seat, face white and eyes big.

"I found it!" she exclaimed, "I found the source of the signal!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY ABOUT THE CLIFFHANGER 
> 
> see, this is another reason it has taken me so long to update. I knew it would end with this cliffhanger (seriously this chapter is 6k), and so I have waited with uploading it until I had most of the next chapter written. Which I have now! Yay! All it needs is some serious editing (yay fun), and then I can upload that as well. Please don't hate me much. I promise I will upload it before February starts. I may wait until I have written more for the following chapter as well. maybe. we'll see.
> 
> As always, if you spot any mistakes or weird sentences hmu, because I am scared of errors and want to be rid of them.
> 
> (question: will i ever stop stealing quotes from buffy? probably not)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told y'all I'd update before February! 
> 
> I just wanted to thank you all for your wonderful feedback. I love each and every comment and kudos I get!! You make me smile so much. I love all your faces! I don't say it enough, so thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!!
> 
> Are ya ready for some action?? I listened to Megalovania, NGAHH!! and all the other epic battle songs from Undertale while I wrote it (i am a little obsessed tbh). I hope it helped me writing this!

"I found it!" she exclaimed, "I found the source of the signal!"

"What?!" Darcy and Bucky cried at the exact same time.

"I just- Well, really Tony did it. It was his idea." Jane rushed over to them, grabbing Darcy by the arm, "He made a program that managed to track it. It was super hard, because the signal is _everywhere_ , but I played around with the programming, changing the variables, and the intervals and then suddenly I found it!"

"You're certain?" Darcy asked, as Jane pulled her towards the computer. That was when Darcy noticed Natasha, who stood completely frozen behind the computer.

"Yeah. I have tracked it to a small abandoned industrial area just outside of Columbus, Ohio. I can't tell you the exact spot, because the signal was too strong to pinpoint," Jane said, and hugged Darcy, "we did it," she whispered.

They did it. She could go home. The realization hit Darcy like a brick, and suddenly she couldn't remember how to stand. She toppled over, and Jane fell with her. She hardly noticed the landing, to busy thinking about home. _Home_. It would all be over soon.

"What do we do?" Bucky asked with a frown, as he moved close to Natasha, and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"Do we wait for the others to come back?" Jane asked. Darcy felt her stomach drop. Waiting? _Now_? This close? Her eyes immediately found Natasha's, and she saw her own frustration and hunger for it to be over, mirrored in them. It was like they had a whole conversation, just looking at each other for a few seconds.

_I can't wait_

_It could be over in a few hours_

_They don't understand_

_We have to go_

_We have to finish it_

"No, we don't have to wait," Natasha said, and Darcy was a little impressed with the amount of authority in her voice, "we can go right now."

Jane got to her feet, and extended a hand to help Darcy up. "The small quinjet isn't being used," she said with excitement in her voice.

"Let's gear up then," Bucky said, and him and Natasha started walking towards the door. Darcy and Jane were about to follow when Sharon suddenly moved swiftly past them and planted herself in front of the door with crossed arms.

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that," she said. All four of them stopped in their tracks. Darcy felt like someone punched her in the stomach. What the fuck??

"Get out of the way, Sharon," Natasha said coldly,

"No, I won't. You can't go," Sharon squared her jaw.

"This decision isn't up to you," Natasha took a step forward and for a moment she looked ready to punch her friend. Darcy found herself not completely against the idea.

"I'm sorry, but it is," Sharon's eyes softened, "You're not thinking straight. You're compromised, all of you."

"What are you talking about?" Bucky's shoulders tensed up.

"Nat, Darcy, you're victims in this, and Bucky... You're girlfriend is body swapped, of course you're compromised."

Darcy could see Jane open her mouth, but Sharon cut her off: "How many hours have you slept in the past three days Jane? Four? Five? You're practically shaking."

"Fine, Jane stays," Natasha said, and started walking again.

" _All of you_ _stay_ ," Sharon hissed, "I am _not_ letting you go. For fucks sake, you're _swapped_. Natasha, you're not strong like this, and you'd be risking Darcy's _body_ by leaving. The same goes for you Darcy, you may be strong but you are not a fighter, and you'd get _Natasha_ hurt as well."

Darcy scowled at the floor, because Sharon was kind of making sense, and she didn't want her to. Not now. Not this close. She looked back up and cleared her throat, "what if... what if I consent to her taking my body out there?"

Sharon sighed again, before softly replying: "you're still compromised. I'm sorry."

She did look sorry, and Darcy dropped her eyes again. She felt herself deflate, and realized she had been filled with adrenalin by the thought of leaving. Now she felt like lying down on the floor. So close, and yet not close enough.

"Sharon," Natasha said and the pleading tone made Darcy feel uncomfortable.

"I am sorry." Sharon offered a small smile, "You've waited this long, you can wait a couple more hours."

"But don't you see..." Darcy couldn't help but say, "we can't. Because now? Now we can actually stop it. It's solvable. It's... I need my body back."

"You don't get it, because you haven't been swapped," Natasha added, "I at least got to stay here, with the people I love. Darcy didn't. We have waited long enough."

Sharon frowned, "I know. I want to help you, but this isn't _safe_. It could be a trap. In fact, it most likely _is_."

"Can't we just go and check it out? Do some scouting? If it looks dangerous, we'll go back, or wait for the others," Natasha suggested. When Sharon only frowned deeper, instead of replying, she added: "Please. _Please._ "

They all watched Sharon silently, as she thought it over. The tension in the room was so thick, Darcy was certain she could've cut through with a knife. Jane had grabbed her hand at some point, and only just now did she notice.  Darcy was sending Sharon her best puppy eyes, hoping it would help.

 "Oh fuck all of you!" Sharon cursed, and crossed her arms. Apparently Darcy hadn't been the only one begging with her eyes.

"Will you let us go?" Natasha asked.

" _Only_ as a scouting mission!" Sharon said sternly, " _and_ you'll do exactly as I say the whole time. Understood?!"

"Thank you!" Darcy and Natasha replied in complete unison. Darcy felt her heart start to pound again, and her fingers were itching. She was getting back in her body, she could feel it. It was really happening. They all walked out of the lab, Natasha and Bucky in the lead. Sharon was right behind them, and she looked really tense. Darcy and Jane trailed after.

"Darcy, you'll come with me, I have a suit for you," Natasha said, when they reached the elevator, "We'll meet up at the quinjet."

"Let's meet up there in 20 minutes," Sharon suggested, before turning her eyes on Jane, "give me the coordinates."

"I can just tell you when we take off," Jane said, a hint of defiance in her voice.

" _No_." Sharon got that steel look back in her eyes, "you are not coming. You need to stay here, where it's safe."

"What? NO! I was the one who found it!" Jane's cheeks flushed in red spots, "I am _so_ coming along."

"You need rest," Sharon insisted, just as the elevator _ding-_ ed open at Natasha and Bucky's floor. Darcy followed the two of them out, leaving Jane and Sharon to their argument. If she was being honest, she agreed with Sharon. Jane was too tired, and a little too reckless for this already super reckless mission.

Natasha and Bucky's apartment was the same size as Jane's, but very differently decorated. The colors were more neutral, and there was a lot less knick-knacks. As they walked through the living room, Darcy spotted a huge collection of CDs and vinyl, and a huge pair of speakers. Someone liked their music.

Then they entered the bedroom, and Darcy almost blushed, thinking of the last time she had been there. It looked the same. Natasha opened the closet door and stepped inside. Moments later a black suit flew out, landing at Darcy's feet. Bucky coughed, and hurried back into the living room. Privacy. Nice.

"I've... I've made sure to change in the bathroom," Natasha said, a little sheepishly, "the only one who has seen you naked is me, because, well, that was unavoidable."

"Thanks," Darcy mumbled. Wow, talk about awkward.

"Um, let me help you with the suit," Natasha said, and stepped closer. Wearing the tight black fabric was oddly empowering. Darcy could feel her whole posture change into something relaxed and confident.

"It's like your body missed it," she said, and Natasha chortled.

"This is so fucking weird."

They both fell silent after that, and Natasha quickly rushed into the closet, appearing moments later in some kind of mission gear. Black pants, black shirt with long sleeves, and  a vest of some kind. Maybe it was bulletproof.

"If we get in any kind of trouble, you can use the Widow's Bite," Natasha said and handed her two bracelet-like weapons. She showed Darcy how to fasten them to the wrists of the suit. "You knock'em right off their feet with these two. Just press the button to make them charge, and then after a few seconds you press the probes into your opponent."

 "Cool," was all Darcy could say as a reply. She turned them on and watched the blue lights in the bracelets light up. "Whoaa."

"Come on, let's get to the quinjet," Natasha said, and Darcy turned the weapons off again. She wasn't risking accidentally shocking herself. Bucky was waiting for them in the living room, wearing his mission gear as well. He handed Natasha a gun, and then the three of them made their way to the elevator.

"We're early," Bucky commented.

Natasha responded by looking up at him, and raising an eyebrow. Darcy sighed and fiddled with the zipper on the catsuit. The elevator opened, and they walked the small way to the quinjet. Natasha opened the latch, and Darcy followed her inside.

"Wow guys, you changed fast," Sharon said as she appeared from the cockpit. She was dressed in a white catsuit, and Darcy could see at least three guns strapped to her. Her smile was a little smug, like she knew Natasha had wanted to get away without her.

"Lucky for us, so are you," Natasha lied perfectly. Sharon narrowed her eyes anyway.

"Good. JARVIS will notify SHIELD of the mission the moment we land the quinjet. That way we can get back-up if we need it, but they won't stop us," Sharon informed them, "strap in and let's get on with it."

"What about Jane?" Darcy asked.

"She is on her floor, I made her promise to stay behind," Sharon said, "honestly, she was barely able to stand. I hope she can rest."

"Don't put all your money on it," Darcy muttered.

* * *

Not surprisingly, the flight to Ohio was neither very long, nor did the four of them talk much. Or at all. Darcy's heart was pounding harder and harder. After all this time in Natasha's body, it felt almost surreal for it to be over soon.

"Remember," came Sharon's voice, "this is a scouting mission. No more."

"Yes," Darcy replied and looked at the others. Bucky's face was blank, but Natasha looked scheming. Or, at least what Darcy assumed her own face would look like when she was scheming (she suddenly understood why her dad always had seen right through her as a teenager).

They landed the quinjet on a parking lot behind what looked like an abandoned supermarket. Sharon handed them all earpieces, and then they were ready to go.

"Wait!" Darcy interrupted, "do I get a gun? I think I should get a gun."

"Can you actually shoot another human being?" Natasha asked her, head tilted and eyes curious.

"I... don't know," Darcy replied.

"Darcy you're not coming anywhere near a fight," Sharon said, "in fact I would prefer it if the two of you stayed behind in the quinjet."

"Nope," Darcy said, just as Natasha said: "not gonna happen."

"Fine," Sharon retorted, before heading out of the quinjet. Natasha and Darcy followed, and then Bucky walked in the back, so he could make sure they weren't attacked from behind. All of the buildings around them were abandoned, the streets were empty, and it didn't take long before Darcy started to feel ridiculous. The area looked like no one had been there in years, there wasn't even any trash or anything left in the streets. At one point a bird flew past them, and Darcy nearly laughed in surprise. The longer they walked, the more it felt like they were on a wild goose chase, and someone was just playing a trick on them. Natasha was frowning more and more as well, clearly just as frustrated as Darcy.

"Okay, so in a two blocks we reach the center of the area where Jane found the strongest signal," Sharon told them in a low voice, "I believe the building there is our best bet."

The others nodded, and they resumed their walk. Darcy was listening hard after any indication of movements or people or basically anything that could mean they weren't just making fools of themselves. Sharon stopped at a corner, and peaked around.

"I don't see anyone," she whispered. After a moment of thinking, she looked at them and whispered sternly: "I am gonna circle backwards, around it, and see if there is anything. You three _wait right here_ , okay?"

 "We are a little exposed here," Bucky whispered.

"I'll be fast," Sharon said, and pulled out one of her guns. She walked back where they came from, and around the corner. Darcy leaned back against the wall and sighed. This was painfully fruitless and she just wanted her freaking body back now!

"It's got to be in there...." she whispered after a moment.

"I think so too," Natasha said.

"Me too," Bucky said, "but it could be a trap."

" _It's most definitely a trap,"_ Sharon's voice sounded in their earpiece, " _just wait another 20 minutes until I have cleared the area. Then we make a decision."_

"It's definitely here," Bucky said.

"Yes," Natasha agreed, "I feel... different. Do you?"

Darcy closed her eyes and took a deep breath, and _yes_. Suddenly she knew exactly what Natasha was talking about. "It's clearer. Like, your body is more _mine_ than before."

"We have to be close then." Natasha frowned, "and Sharon is right. It's a trap. It has to be."

Sharon didn't respond over the comms, but Darcy didn't even care, because Natasha sounded like she wanted to wait and Darcy did not want to wait any longer. The machine was so close. They could end it.

"It's right there though," she heard herself speak, "if it is in there, we can end it. Now." She could hear Natasha let out a little breath, clearly yearning for the end as much as her, so Darcy continued. "I want to go home. We can stop it."

She continued pleading, mentioning her home, her father, anything to make Natasha and Bucky agree with her. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew it was wrong to use their guilt as a means to get what she wanted, but she didn't have enough space inside her to care. She was too full of the desire for it to be over.

"It _is_ right there..." Natasha said in a low voice.

"Darcy," Bucky sounded like he wanted to talk her out of it.

"If... if it looks dangerous, or we see a guard or anything, then... then we go back out. I promise!" Darcy pleaded, "but what if the switch is just sitting in there, and we could turn it off and it would all be over?"

"I...." Natasha said, and then she cleared her throat, "okay. Okay let's look."

Bucky sighed, and said: "I've got a bad feeling about this."

The three of them snuck up the street, to the building. Bucky did something to the door, Darcy couldn't see what, but then it was opened and they were inside. It was a dimly lit hall and across from them was an elevator door with a sign that read _out of order_. Down the hall there was an open doorway into what looked like a warehouse, and there was a faint blue light in there. It had to be it. They walked down the hall, and the only sounds were their breaths and their boots on the cement floor.

Bucky was the first one to look inside, and after a moment he stepped through the doorway. A few lights turned on, probably by motion sensors. Darcy and Natasha followed him. It was a warehouse, with a ceiling so high up they couldn't see it, and there were no windows. It was completely empty aside from a tall machine in the middle of the room. They stood there silently watching it for a few seconds, frozen in surprise.

"Oh my God," Darcy said, breaking the silence. Then they all sprinted towards it. Darcy could hardly believe they had found it. She circled it, looking for a switch. The machine was metallic, with a sort of antennae at the top, and the middle part of it was glass, revealing a shining blue core.

"Palladium," Natasha muttered, then she spoke directly into the comm: "We found it. It's-"

She was caught off by what sounded like an explosion from the hallway. Bucky didn't even hesitate, he just rushed towards it, lifting his guns. Natasha had raised hers as well, but Darcy continued scanning the machine.

"There is no off switch," she said. She looked up again, just as the door into the warehouse slammed shut with a loud metallic bang.

"James! Shit!" Natasha hissed, and they ran to the door. There were no handles or buttons or anything! They were trapped. Darcy could curse herself into space and beyond. This was her fault! They had to turn off the fucking machine now, that was their only hope. She walked back towards it, trying to come up with a way to turn it off.

Then a weird sound came from above them. Darcy looked up just as a thud sounded behind her. Next thing she knew, a pair of strong arms had grabbed her. Whoever it was held her arms with one arm, and wrapped the other around her throat so she was trapped against them.

"Don't move," her attacker ordered. It was a dude, with a voice just as deep and gruff as you would expect from someone, who would attack you in an abandoned warehouse in Ohio. He maneuvered her backwards and turned her, so the machine was on her left. She spotted Natasha, who had been grabbed as well. A tall, buff dude had managed to get her gun from her, and was now moving her over to Darcy. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"Honestly, Natalia, I am disappointed," a female voice said from a above them, with just a hint of a Russian accent.  Then a woman landed elegantly on her toes in front of them, and continued: "I really thought you would have found me much faster."

The first thing Darcy noticed about her face, was her vivid green eye-shadow and ugly dark lipstick. The woman's hair was dark brown and ear-length, pointing in every direction. It kind of looked like she had chopped it herself with an old scissor. Everything about her face was plain. Her lips, her nose, her cheeks. It was the kind of face you forgot the moment you weren't looking at her anymore. Darcy suddenly understood why she was wearing the crazy makeup. She was trying to make her face special, make herself someone you would remember. It was almost a little sad.

"What? You don't recognize me?" the woman hissed.

"Irina?" Natasha finally said, "We thought you died in Lithuania."

"As if any of you cared." Irina made a disapproving clicking noise with her tongue, "Especially not you, Natalia Romanova. The favorite."

"I don't understand," Natasha said. She didn't sound scared, which Darcy found comforting, but she did sound very confused.

"I will tell you," Irina said with a vicious smile, "you see, the handlers decided they didn't need me. They said I was crazy, too crazy for them to use. As if they had nothing to do with it. They told me they would save me for when they really needed me. And so they froze me."

"You went into cryo..." Natasha whispered.

"All my life I try to make them happy, to do as best as I could. But they never noticed me. All they cared about was little Natalia, with her red hair and pretty eyes and the fastest kills," Irina told them, "Then one day they call me in, and tell me I am being _saved_. I go to sleep in my tank, thinking I will wake up soon, and claim my glory."

Darcy could feel her knees shake as she listened to the story. If this woman was too crazy for the Red Room, who turned little girls into assassins - what was she going to do with them?

"So I am awoken by some mere soldiers, calling themselves HYDRA, telling me the Red Room is gone and Captain America has destroyed HYDRA, and they are hiding. He shows me the TV, where this Captain is fighting some robots, with his team. And who do I see? Natalia Romanova, the pride of our organization, working for the Americans." She spat on the floor in front of Natasha, "not only has she deflected, no, she has brought The Asset with her."

Darcy could hear Natasha hiss at the mention of Bucky. Uh oh.

"So you wanted revenge?" Natasha asked.

"Yes," Irina licked her lips hungrily, "and tonight I will get it."

"Why am I here?" Darcy squeaked out the question before she could stop herself. The man behind her tightened his grip around both her throat and her arms.

"My friends here had most of an old algorithm, and by moderating it, I could find someone within the reach of my machine, who would suit my purpose perfectly. You see, you are a soft, ditzy little girl, and killing Natalia in that body will not be a challenge."

"So you switched us to be able to defeat me," Natasha said, a mocking tone seeping through her words.

"Oh no, Natalia," Irina said sweetly, "I have switched you, so you can see the life of that innocent girl leave your own eyes, before I kill you." Darcy felt all color drain from her face. Oh fucking shit. This woman was batshit crazy and now she was going to die.

"Isn't it beautiful? You get to see yourself die before it happens!" Irina cackled.

"Impressive," Natasha said sarcastically. Darcy wondered how she could stay so calm. Because _she_  was having a hard time not fainting out of pure fear.

"The Asset in the hall is a minor inconvenience, but I believe my friends can handle it." Irina licked her lips again. It made her look even more crazy. "Now, bring the girl to me."

Before the guy behind Darcy could move, Natasha suddenly struck. She flipped the man behind her over, so he landed on his back in front of her. She had managed to get the gun from him as well, which was impressive, and she didn't hesitate before shooting him twice in the stomach. Darcy only had time for a moment's sense of victory, because then Irina had kicked the gun out of Natasha's hand.

"Oh no, let's not bother with firearms, shall we?" Irina said, and then they began to fight.

Darcy had never seen anything like that fight. It was clear that Natasha had the superior technique, but since Irina was much stronger and less breakable, so it evened out. They kicked and ducked and jumped in what almost looked like a practiced choreography. Natasha landed a kick in Irina's stomach, but somehow Irina landed in a way that made her able to swing her legs around Natasha and flip her over as well.

" _Darcy_ ," it was Sharon, in the earpiece, " _are you okay? are you safe?"_

She didn't reply, she just held her breath and hoped the Hydra goon behind her hadn't heard it.

" _Make any noise if you can hear me._ "

Darcy whimpered.

" _Okay, that noise is_ yes _, silence is_ no," Sharon said, " _is Natasha alive?"_

Darcy whimpered again.

" _Thank God! Are you trapped?_ "

Another whimper.

" _Have you switched back?"_

Darcy said nothing, she just watched Natasha (or herself) get punched in the face. Ow.

" _Fuck. Okay. Is someone holding you?"_

She whimpered again and this time it made the guy shake her a little, to make her be quiet.

" _Is he holding a weapon against you?"_

Silence.

 _"Okay. Good. Can you see any weapo- wait, no.  Um, Bucky? Does she have any weapons? Yes - OH! Perfect. Darcy, can you turn the Widow's Bite on?_ "

The Widow's Bite! Oh nice one Darcy, forgetting the electrocuting weapons on your wrists! She mentally cursed herself as she tried to turn them on. _Yes!_ It worked! She whimpered in response.

_"Yes! Good, good. Now, can you hit him with it?"_

Darcy tried to take a deep breath. Her arms were crossed on her back, so it was a little hard. It seemed like she might be able to flick one wrist and graze him in the stomach, but she was scared the impact wouldn't be enough. She made half a whimper.

_"Oh uh... Wait a sec. Okay so the Bites. If you have any way of touching him with at least one of the Bites, I think you should go for it, and try to get as much impact as possible. We still can't get in, but we have called for backup."_

Darcy whimpered again. Then she closed her eyes, to not get distracted by the other fight. Impact. Impact. Natasha's surprise attack had worked because they hadn't expected Darcy's body to be fast and agile. The same here, they expected her to be scared and defenseless. So... if she could surprise him somehow? He would probably expect her to try to break free from his arms, and to run ahead.

Then it hit her. Her weight could work as both the surprise, and help with impact. Darcy frowned as she prepared herself, bending her knees as much as she could get away with, without him noticing. Okay, okay. _Now!_ She twisted her wrists so the probes hit him in the stomach, while simultaneously throwing her whole body backwards with as much force as she could muster. He started convulsing and the shift in weight made them both fall. As she landed on top of him, she could feel something in her left wrist snap, but she kept pressing both weapons into his stomach until they ran out of power.

The goon went completely still, and his arm now lay slack over her throat. Darcy gasped for breath, and tried to calm her galloping heart. She was afraid to move. The whole thing had been terrifying, and her wrist was hurting now. She still couldn't believe it had worked!

Finally her breathing had calmed enough for her to roll to the side, and off his body. His arm moved with her until she fell onto the floor, then it flapped down on his chest. He really was knocked out. She remained on the floor a little longer, just breathing and processing what had just happened.

"I am free," she said.

" _Oh thank God!"_ Sharon replied loudly, " _That's very good! What is happening in there?"_

"Natasha is fighting this Red Room lunatic," Darcy explained and sat up, looking for them. She watched Irina do the flip-you-over-with-my-thighs move on Natasha, and lift her foot to stomp on her face, but luckily Natasha rolled out of the way. "She's handling herself, but I don't think she can win."

 " _Fuck_!" Sharon hissed, " _Can she protect you a little longer? The metal door is sealed shut. I will have to run back to the quinjet, and then we can use it to open the warehouse. I'll crash it through the wall if I have to."_

"I don't know," Darcy replied, "she is starting to look tired."

" _Fuck! Can you do something? I know I promised you wouldn't be near any danger, but..."_

"I can try... There was a gun..."

" _Is someone guarding the machine?"_

"No," Darcy said and jumped to her feet, "I can see if I can stop the signal."

" _You're smart, Darcy, you will think of something."_

Darcy ran to the machine, and started searching it again. There were no buttons on the metallic exterior. She could see a small latch screwed shut, and she tried opening it, but it was impossible. Neither her fingernails nor the probes could turn the screws.

"Fuck," she muttered under her breath. She looked back up and saw Natasha kick Irina, who then grabbed her leg and flipped her onto the ground. Darcy looked back at the machine, and tried to ignore the way her heart was pounding against her ribcage. The blue light was just bright enough to bother her eyes. What _was_ that behind the glass? Natasha had called it _palladium_. Was it the power source? It was, wasn't it?

Darcy looked at the two fighting women, and she _knew_ that Natasha was losing. Her body was slower, her punches were less accurate, and from the way Irina was starting to smile, she had noticed it as well. They were running out of time, they wouldn't last until Sharon returned.

Irina managed to land a kick in Natasha's stomach that was so powerful, it sent her flying, and when she landed, she continued to slide across the floor. It was like time froze, and Darcy realized this was their only chance - Irina wasn't moving, Darcy's body was far away from her, and if they wanted to make it through this, she had to do something.

Not knowing what would actually happen when they swapped back, and risking them both in the process, Darcy acted completely out of impulse. She lifted her good hand and with all of Natasha's strength, she punched through the glass, grabbed the palladium core and pulled it out of the machine. She felt a strong pain on the back of her hand, as a shard of glass cut into it, leaving a bloody gash.

Darcy looked at the blue thing in her hand, as she got extremely dizzy. She felt her legs give in, and everything went black as she collapsed onto the floor.

She had a feeling she hadn't been out for long, and she was fairly certain the pain was what woke her up. It was impossible to breathe, like someone had knocked all of the air out of her, and when she opened her eyes, she was met with a whole lot of blurriness. It was hard to tell which part of her hurt the most. Her shoulder, and stomach were being very competitive.

She blinked as she struggled for breath, and her surroundings became clearer. Holy fuck, Irina was running towards her. She tried to get to her feet, but another wave of dizziness hit her, and she nearly fell backwards.

"Oh Natalia, it seems I have won," Irina stopped in front of her, the insane smile back on her boring face.

"Are you so sure about that?" Darcy asked in a raspy voice, "because I just broke your machine."

"You- NO!" Irina's eyes grew double-sized, "I am gonna kill you!" Irina shrieked and kicked Darcy in the stomach. It made her vision black out for a second, but she could feel a hand tighten around her neck, and lift her up.

No. No. NO! Not strangling again.

"I am gonna kill you, you little bitch!" Irina shrieked again, grabbed Darcy's side with her other hand and threw her across the floor, right into the wall. She landed almost right on her face, and her nose made a disgusting cracking noise. If she hadn't already gotten a concussion, she definitely had one now.

Darcy lifted herself up on her elbows, and turned around. Irina was approaching her, and Darcy knew she wasn't going to throw her around anymore. She was going to kill her.  This was it. Her body was too beaten up for her to defend herself, there was blood in her mouth, hopefully just from her broken nose, and her head was swimming. Darcy tried to crawl forward, to distance herself from Irina, but she moved so slow. She glanced over her shoulder, to see how close her pursuer was. And then suddenly Irina fell forward, landing on her hands and knees, letting out a surprised sound. Natasha became visible behind her, still standing by the machine.

"Touch her again, and I _will_ kill you!" Natasha growled. Darcy breathed a sigh of relief. Thank God. She was saved. Irina reached back and pulled something from her shoulder, Darcy couldn't see what but it looked small and covered in blood. In a motion almost too fast to see, she turned and with a scream she hurled it back towards Natasha.

Natasha ducked it perfectly, and ran towards them while Irina crawled to her feet. Then she charged against Natasha as well, and they clashed into each other with a loud thump. Darcy had turned herself around and was now slumped against the wall, trying to see what happened in the fight. It was very blurry though, and her body was hurting more and more by the second.

 She felt tired, and she could feel herself slide further and further down, but she didn't have the energy to stop it, and so she found herself lying down completely, looking up into the black ceiling. Some sleep would be nice, she thought to herself. If only she had the strength to sit back up and look at the fight, she could know whether or not Natasha was winning.

After a few deep breaths she had gathered enough energy to roll to the side, so she could rest her cheek against the floor and watch the fight. Seeing it from this angle was weird, but at least she could follow it now. Darcy had no idea how long she spent lying like that, watching them fight, while trying to ignore how much her _everything_ was hurting, but finally Natasha got a solid roundhouse kick in Irina's face, making her stumble backwards, and before she found her footing, Natasha jumped up, wrapping a leg around her shoulder, and buried the Widow's Bite in her neck. Irina started shaking and fell to the floor, and Natasha fell with her, still pressing the weapon into her skin.

Darcy sighed, in relief and a little in pain, and then she closed her eyes. _Just for a little_ , she thought, _it's over now, I can rest_. It felt easy to slip into some sort of unconsciousness, and it made the pain subdue. So nice. So quiet....

"Darcy." Soft hands brushed her face, "Darcy open your eyes."

She didn't want to, not at all, but the hands kept touching her face and neck. It was stopping her from sleeping and the pain came back full force. She made a noise, and slowly forced her eyes open. A blurry person was above her. Natasha. Natasha was talking to her.

"Oh thank God!" Natasha cried, "stay awake, okay?". Darcy tried to reply, but all that came out was a croaky sound, and somehow speaking made everything hurt more.

"I'm getting us out of here," Natasha said, "just stay awake." She took Darcy's hand in hers, and squeezed it gently. Darcy tried to smile, but she was too tired, and in too much pain. Instead she let her cheek rest on the floor again. She was vaguely aware of the cold floor beneath her and the taste of blood in her mouth.

"Darcy is hurt," Natasha said, and it took a moment for Darcy to realize she was speaking to the others, "We need to get her home now. Can you get us out?"

Sharon replied something in the earpiece, but Darcy had to concentrate so hard on staying awake she couldn't actually catch any words. _Stay awake_ , she told herself over and over. Occasionally, Natasha would squeeze her hand again, and Darcy tried to focus on the touch, to use it as an anchor, to keep her awake.

Finally loud sounds came from outside the warehouse. It sounded like... gunfire? Darcy cringed and curled herself up even more, and Natasha started drawing circles on her hand with her thumb, while whispering soothing things. It helped a little.

There was a loud crash, and then the sound of footsteps and Natasha sighed loudly. Someone crouched next to them, and Natasha said: "Careful with her head." The was a gruff response Darcy didn't catch and then someone was lifting her up, cradling her neck very gently. Natasha let go of her hand, but continued saying soothing things. Darcy felt woozy from being moved around, and the new position was making her shoulder and stomach hurt more.

She was certain her eyes were still open, but she couldn't see a thing. She was placed gently on some sort of mattress, and there was a sound of people talking. After a little while, she heard an engine roaring and then suddenly she felt sick and turned her head to the side, and began throwing up.

After that, she stopped feeling things aside from the pain. It was hard to know what happened around her, but at one point someone carried her again, and that made her body hurt so much, she blacked out.

* * *

 

There was a soft yellow light shining through her eyelids. There was also pain in her shoulder and stomach and nose. And her throat was dry. She blinked, trying to see. Even that hurt. Someone was moving in front of her. Someone familiar.

Her own face.

Why was she looking at herself?

 _Natasha_ , some part of her brain told her. Natasha is looking at you.

"You're awake," Natasha said, and Darcy coughed in response.

"Water," she croaked out, and Natasha disappeared momentarily, before returning with a plastic cup and a straw. She helped Darcy drink from it, and then placed it on a table next to her. "Where am I?" Darcy asked, her voice a lot smoother now.

"Back at the Tower, in our medical facility," Natasha explained, "are you in pain?"

Darcy nodded in response, and Natasha fiddled with something next to the bed. That was when Darcy noticed she was attached to at least two IV drops. The pain subdued and she started to feel tired again.

"Can I sleep now?" she asked Natasha in a low voice.

"You can sleep Darcy." Natasha nodded, "You're safe. It's okay. You're safe."

And Darcy closed her eyes again, believing her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING
> 
> I hope you liked it!!  
> As always, hit me up if you see any mistakes. And come say HI on tumblr, I am [tutselutse](http://www.tutselutse.tumblr.com) there as well!! Let's cry over how good this ot3 is, and how we need more fics with them.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I start all these notes with apologizing. SORRY about how long this has taken (7 fucking months. Im awful. Im sorry).  
> I hope the fact that this is 7,5k long will make up for some of it! I think I will try making the next chapters a bit shorter, so I (hopefully) can update a bit more often. I just really wanted to reach this specific point first!  
> Thanks for all the lovely lovely feedback. Y'all are the best and I do not deserve you! I cherish each and every comment, even if I don't reply, know that I read it and blushed and sent you a lot of love. 
> 
> All the medical stuff is pulled from a 15 minute google search, so I can't promise it's true. I do wing it a bit.  
> Get ready guys, 'cause I brought the feels!

Darcy woke up slowly. Her head felt heavy, and she couldn't move it without feeling woozy. Everything around her was blurry and white. Hospital. She was in a hospital. She remembered now. It felt like she had been trampled on by several cows. Everything was more or less throbbing with pain.

"Ow," she groaned.

"OH!" Jane's voice sounded, before dropping to a soft whisper, "you're awake."

"Yeah," Darcy said. _Ah_ , her own voice! "I can't see. Are my glasses anywhere near?"

"Oh, um, yes." Jane's blurry form appeared in front of her, "it might hurt though. Your nose."

She carefully placed a pair of glasses on Darcy's nose. _Ow_. It did feel sore. Darcy blinked a couple of times, until her vision cleared. She smiled at Jane, who sighed in relief.

"How are you feeling?" Jane asked.

"Absolutely awful." She closed her eyes again. She felt safe, and relieved and happy to be back in her own body, but she was tired, dazed and still hurting. Especially her stomach, which hurt when she breathed. That Russian bitch really beat the crap out of her.

"Oh God, I'll... I'll call a nurse," Jane said, but Darcy reached out and grabbed her wrist, before she could move. Darcy ignored the pain that shot up through her arm, and gave Jane a pleading look.

"Is everyone ok?" she asked.

"Natasha, Bucky and Sharon are all fine. The others are gonna be back soon, y'know from that other mission thing. They all send their best," Jane replied, and then her lips started quivering, "Oh _Darcy_! I was so worried!"

"About me?" Darcy asked.

"Yes!" Jane hissed, "you looked so..." she stopped talking and a few tears spilled down her cheeks. "But now, you're safe and... and you'll be okay."

"Hopefully soon," Darcy tried joking. She wanted to continue talking but she was already feeling exhausted, and ready to sleep some more. She told Jane, who immediately looked guilty, like she was keeping Darcy from rest. After being assured it was okay, Jane helped her remove the glasses again, and then she went back to sleep.

The next few days kind of blurred together, as the painkillers kept Darcy drowsy, and she spent most of the time sleeping or resting. Jane was always sitting in the room when she woke up. It was nice not to be alone. It turned out she wasn't at a hospital, but instead in the Avengers' medical facility in the Tower. That explained Jane's ability to always be around.

She had a nice doctor, and a sweet nurse, who got pretty dimples when she smiled. The doctor had gone over all of Darcy's injuries in one of her more awake moments. It wasn't good, but she would have a full recovery. She had been bleeding internally from the injuries Irina had inflicted, and it had been necessary to open her up and drain it. Now she was going to have a neat little scar on the side of her stomach. Her shoulder had gotten dislocated, and was still very sore as the muscle around it healed. Then there was the concussion, and the broken nose (which luckily had been put back), and the general state of beat-up-ness. All in all it sucked. She still wasn't able to stand, as they waited for her stomach to heal.

* * *

This time when Darcy woke up, her head felt much clearer than it had the other times. She glanced around the room, and spotted a blurry Jane, who was curled up on a chair, reading what looked like a book. Darcy lifted her hand and rubbed her eyes, ignoring the sting on the back of her hand from the IV.

"I feel like all I do is sleep," Darcy sighed. She put her glasses on and winced at the pain from her still bruised nose.  

"You need the rest," Jane said with a smile, and pulled her chair closer. "I keep thinking I should hug you, but you know... pain." She made a wavy hand-gesture.

"Thank you," Darcy replied.

"Are you in any pain?" Jane asked, furrowing her brows.

"I am just a little groggy right now..." Darcy shrugged, and promptly winced when her shoulder hurt. "I take that back. My shoulder is ow."

"Everyone is worried about you," Jane said.

"How long have I slept this time?" Darcy asked.

"Through the night. It's 10 a.m."

"That explains why I have to pee," Darcy said.

"I'll get the nurse, so you can use the bedpan." Jane started looking around.

"No. No. The time for bedpans must have passed. I can walk to the bathroom." Darcy started getting up, but when her stomach and shoulder began hurting again, she slumped backwards with a whimper.

Jane smiled sympathetically, and patted her arm. "I get it. But there is no shame in using a bedpan. I should get the nurse anyway."

When Jane had left, Darcy's thoughts started circling around the events in the warehouse. Her mind was still groggy, and she felt oddly detached from the memories. That had to be the painkillers, right? Or maybe because she was back in her own body? The nurse with the dimples entered, interrupting her thoughts. They got through the whole bedpan business without much embarrassment, and the nurse reassured Darcy that she would be able to go to the bathroom in no time. Thank God for that. Jane came back inside after the nurse left.

"Natasha and Bucky really want to talk to you. And Sharon. I told them to wait out there for now," Jane told her. Darcy sighed. She was getting tired again, and she was hungry. She closed her eyes. The image of Irina standing over her, ready to kill her, flashed in front of her eyes. It made her quiver slightly. Maybe Natasha could tell her what had happened to the evil bitch?

"Okay, I'll see them. Maybe... maybe one at a time though?" she said, and looked back up at Jane, "and could I get some bagels? I really crave bagels."

"Oh! Yes! Right!" Jane's cheeks flushed. "I'll get you some!"

She left again, and a second later Natasha entered the room. She had a nervous smile on her lips, and  a concerned look in her eyes. Looking at her like this was surprisingly weird. Darcy was used to the mirrored version of her face, and it seemed odd. Like seeing yourself on a photograph.

"Hi," Natasha said tentatively.

"Hey," Darcy replied, "come on in."

Natasha walked slowly into the room, not making any sudden or unnecessary movements, like she was approaching an easily frightened animal. She kept sending Darcy looks, silently asking _is this okay?_ When she received no objections, she sat down in the chair next to the bed.

"How are you?" she asked and then she bit her lip.

"Not the best," Darcy answered, and gestured vaguely to herself, "but surprisingly okay. As long as I don't move."

"I am so sorry!" Natasha exclaimed, and looked surprised at her own outburst, "I just - I should never have convinced Sharon to let us go. I was selfish and careless and-"

"Hey, hey! No! I am equally to blame here," Darcy interrupted, "I begged Sharon as much as you did. Hell, I convinced you guys to go into the warehouse!"

"It's nice of you to try and take responsibility, Darcy. It really is. But please, let me for once take the whole blame. I haven't done this enough." Natasha's eyes started to fill with tears, and she lifted her right hand to wipe them away. Darcy looked at her hand, and noticed it was bandaged up.

"What happened to your hand?" she asked.

"Which one?" Natasha said with a sad smile and lifted them both up. The left one was in a cast. "My wrist got a bit busted when you took out that guard."

"Oh my God. I remember. I am so sorry!" Darcy gasped.

"It was pretty badass, Darcy." Natasha smiled reassuringly, "and the other one got a deep cut when you punched through the glass."

Darcy remembered the feeling of something cutting her while she pulled out the power source. "I am so, so sorry."

"No, don't apologize," Natasha said, and placed the hand in question on Darcy's own, "This is a s scar I will carry with pride. You saved us both by doing it. It was one of the bravest things anyone has ever done for me."

Darcy felt tears well up in her own eyes, and they both sat there, looking at each other, silently crying. Darcy wasn't sure she would be able to explain what happened between them to others, even if she wanted to. It was forgiveness, it was understanding, it was sharing the pain of what they had gone through with the only other person who truly understood it. It was them both feeling their mistakes and regrets, and not shying away from it.

After who knows how long, Natasha cleared her throat and removed her hand from Darcy's. She wiped the tears from her eyes and sighed. Darcy did the same, and when their eyes met again, she let out a nervous giggle.

"So, um, what actually happened? During and... and after?" she asked, hoping to both fill the silence, and to get some answers.

"Well, Sharon spotted a few Hydra agents, and while she was busy finding out what they were doing, and avoiding being spotted, we went into the warehouse-" Darcy winced again over her own part in that - "and then one of them saw her, and she had to take them out before she could contact us again. Another few Hydra agents set out an explosion in the hallway, and then James had to fight them before he could attempt to get back inside. Irina planned this well, but we also acted pretty damn predictable. The only thing she hadn't seen coming was, well, you." Natasha smiled again, "you weren't as helpless as she thought you'd be. It's what saved us."

Darcy blushed at the praise, and looked down at the duvet covering her. "I can't believe we went right into her trap. I thought we'd be smarter than that."

"Me too," Natasha snorted, "I am embarrassed, to say the least. But I guess desperation will make you irrational and impulsive."

"Where is she now?" Darcy looked back up.

"Locked up in a SHIELD facility, getting questioned. Coulson is handling it," Natasha replied, "they are trying to get her to give up the location of the place she was in cryo. Apparently she found the machine there. It sounded like there were other old relics, and we'd like to get our hands on them before any other Hydra agents do."

"Yikes. Things as bad as a body swapping machine?"

"Hopefully she used the most dangerous thing she could find. She refuses to tell us where it is though. And how she made it work." Natasha's brows furrowed, and she sighed.

"If anyone can break her, it'd be Coulson," Darcy commented dryly.

"Yeah, we're counting on that." Natasha dropped her gaze, "Tony is currently having a blast examining the machine."

There was a knock, and then Jane walked inside, carrying a paper bag. "I bought five bagels at the shop around the corner. You just pick whichever you want."

"Oh Jane," Darcy said fondly, and reached for the bag. She picked one with chicken and bacon, and handed the bag to Natasha. "Want one?"

Natasha shook her head. "I've already eaten, but thanks."

Darcy had just taken a big bite, so she responded with a nod. Natasha handed to bag to Jane, who did take a bagel. _Ah food_ , Darcy's stomach gurgled as she ate, enjoying some food from the outside.

When she had finished the bagel, she sighed deeply. The pain was getting a little worse, and she was feeling very tired. "You guys mind if I take a nap?" she asked them. Both women quickly scrambled out of the room. The nurse with the dimples came back inside, handing Darcy a glass of water and a plastic shot glass with a few pills in it.

After Darcy had taken the pills, they adjusted the painkiller dosage, and the nurse removed one of the pillows, so she could lie down. Darcy removed her glasses and went to sleep.

* * *

When she woke up again, she was alone. That was a first. Darcy pressed the button that summoned the Dimple Nurse, and got some help to sit up. The nurse checked her vitals and asked her a few questions before leaving her eating another one of the bagels. Someone knocked on her door when she was halfway through it. It turned out to be Bucky, who had the same worried and slowly approaching thing going as Natasha had.

"Just come inside and sit down!" Darcy insisted, "I ain't scared."

"Sorry. Thank you," Bucky replied, and slid into the chair, "I'd ask you how you are, but I think I can guess the answer."

"Pretty crappy yeah. Psyched to be back in my body, but bummed about the shape it is in," she told him, before taking another bite of the bagel. Bucky looked like he wanted to laugh, but he held it back. Darcy almost pouted in response. Honestly, humor was the only way she was going to get through this thing.

"I am very sorry. We have done such a terrible job at keeping you safe," Bucky looked at her with his earnest, blue eyes, so she took another bite of food instead of replying. "And you got the worst deal of it all. It's unfair. I feel terrible."

Darcy finished chewing and gave  him a little smile, "yeah well, I insisted on coming along. Don't blame yourself for that, okay? Because, like, the only way you could've stopped me would have been through violence, and hand-cuffing, and locked doors."

"You're the civilian. It's different," he insisted, "Sharon was right, we were all compromised, and we should have listened to her."

"We should, yeah." Darcy frowned, "but we're changed back now. I don't think I can be sad about that. Even if I got beaten into a pile of pulp."

"Where do you find that strength?" he asked her, his head tilted slightly, like he was trying to read her, "I have never seen anything like it."

"Oh," she felt herself blush, "I guess I have to? The alternative is giving up and I hate giving up. My dad says I've always been too stubborn for my own good."

"Well in this case, it seems like it is good for you," he said, "I admire that."

" I waited so long to be switched back. Who knows when it would have happened, if we hadn't gone to warehouse? Even if we did walk into her trap," Darcy tried explaining.

"You're really something, Darcy Lewis," Bucky said softly, "Irina made a grave mistake by picking you for the swap."

"Natasha said something similar," Darcy mumbled.

"She's a smart one," Bucky said, the fondness coloring his voice. Darcy gave him a half smile, and returned the focus to her bagel. Bucky sat in silence, making it hard not to feel self conscious about the way she ate.

"It's strange, watching you back in your body," he said after some time, "It seems more right, and yet, also wrong."

"I can't wait to feel better, so I can feel like me again," Darcy said, and Bucky nodded.

"That makes sense. I do really feel bad. You didn't deserve any of this," he said, his voice back to the soft honesty, which was almost unnerving. He was admiring her. It was weird.

"Thank you," she whispered, suddenly overwhelmed with everything. Bucky seemed to sense she wanted to be alone, so he clapped her on the leg, before getting up and leaving. Darcy leaned back into the pillows and looked at what was left of the bagel. Everything felt so raw, and fragile, like she could burst into tears at any moment, but she still felt distanced from the events at the warehouse. Like her memory was keeping it at arm's length. It was probably a coping mechanism. When she was longer in the healing process and had more energy, she would definitely go and see Pauli to deal with this.

The good news where that the painkillers kept her from dreaming much, which was a huge relief. She imagined her super realistic subconscious would have a lot of fun with the events at the warehouse. She kind of dreaded going off the medicine.

She must have dozed off a little, because suddenly Jane was there, reading next to her, and the bagel remains had been thrown out. They spent the rest of the day chatting, and watching a bit of TV. Nothing to stressful, just some sit-com.

* * *

Dimple Nurse breezed into the room the next morning, carrying a plate of breakfast. She pulled the curtains aside, while Darcy ate, and scribbled things into the journal.

"Did you sleep all right?" she asked.

"I did. My shoulder started hurting more this morning though," Darcy answered.

"Yeah, Dr. Morris will probably examine it later. If your stomach seems better, we might see if you can go to the actual bathroom today."

Darcy snorted. How luxurious.

"Now now, don't be sour," Dimple Nurse - who Darcy really should get the name of - said and handed her some pills in a small glass.

"Sorry. I am just going nuts being stuck in here," Darcy said.

"That is understandable. But, if the Doctor says go, you can start to move around in a wheelchair. Maybe even go visit the apartments upstairs."

"Really?! - wait, a wheelchair?"

"To minimize the strain on your body," Dimple Nurse explained.

"Ah. Thanks," Darcy said. When the nurse started leaving, Darcy asked her: "What's your name?"

"It's Amber," she replied with a smile and then she left. The Doctor came in moments after, and did an examination. She looked at the bandage on Darcy's stomach, the shoulder, and the worst bruises. The conclusion was that Darcy was allowed to do the small walk to the bathroom, but that was all the movements she was allowed to do for now.

Jane showed up during the examination and sat in silence while the Doctor spoke. After the Doctor had left, Jane made an excited face, and clapped her hands together. It made Darcy laugh.

"Ow, ow." she fell backward. "Laughing hurts."

"Oh no, I am sorry!" Jane' eyes grew wide. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah." Darcy made a face.

"But yay, you can use the bathroom now! You can move," Jane grinned.

"That's all I can do. Honestly how much time must I spend strapped to a bed in this Tower?" Darcy jokingly asked. Jane's grin dropped. "That was a joke."

"Oh, right..." Jane frowned, "I can't believe you can joke about that."

"I'm like Chandler Bing, it's how I cope," Darcy replied. Jane chuckled in response, and turned on the TV. They watched the news do a report on the cleanup after the Doombot attack. It was weird to think that it had happened while they had been in the warehouse. It seemed like the Avengers had handled it nicely, without too much damage to the surroundings.

"How are they others?" Darcy asked after a while. She hadn't heard much about them.

"They are good," Jane replied, "Thor is still in Asgard."

"Oh. I'm sorry," Darcy said, "I was just wondering, because I haven't seen any of them."

"We figured you wanted space. I can tell them you'd like visitors if you want?" Jane smiled, "Clint and Tony were gonna get you a gigantic pink teddy bear, but we talked them out of it. There really isn't room in here."

"Damn, I would have loved it," Darcy laughed, and then she clutched her stomach. "Don't tell me funny things. My poor belly."

"Ooops." Jane pulled a face.

After some commercials and some news about oil prices or something, it was finally time: Darcy had to pee. Amber brought her a walker, and helped her out of bed. Darcy's legs quivered a little as she put her weight on them, and it hurt her stomach when she tried stretching her back. _Okay_ , Darcy calmed herself, _you can do this._ She grabbed the handles of the walker, and slowly began walking towards the little bathroom next to the door. Jane and Amber watched her with expectant eyes, both of them sending her encouraging smiles.

She stopped in front of the mirror over the sink. _Fucking hell_. Her face looked horrible, covered in bruises in different colors. The ones around her nose were the worst, still purple and a bit swollen. No wonder wearing glasses hurt. Darcy forced herself to look past them and focus on her face. Her own face. It surprised her how weird it was to look at herself. It had been so long. She would have stood there, staring for ages, if her legs hadn't started to grow tired. Right. She came here for a reason.

All in all it was a success but Darcy was pretty exhausted afterwards. It felt like she had used a whole lot of adrenalin just to walk that little distance, and now she had run out. When she was back in bed, and Amber had wrapped the duvet around her again, Darcy sighed theatrically and said: "I'm never walking ever again."

Jane snorted just as Amber rolled her eyes and said: "You'll be begging for a walk again before 24 hours has passed." Then she showed off those pretty dimples of hers. Darcy almost giggled in response. _Wow Dee, Florence Nightingale much?_ It was not a good idea to get a tiny baby crush on your nurse. Jane had brought a deck of cards, and they played _Go Fish_. Jane was winning, and Darcy pointed out that a better friend would have let themselves lose. Jane smirked and promptly asked for Darcy's queens.

"Oh fuck off," Darcy grumbled as she handed her all three. There was a knock on the door, and then Sharon came inside. Her cheeks were red, and she was breathing a little heavy. Had she run the whole way?

"Darcy," she said, "we just got a call. Valerie woke up this morning."

Darcy dropped all her cards, and they scattered over the floor as she pushed off her duvet. _I have to go_. She reached for the walker, and got to her feet. She hadn't taken many steps before Jane and Sharon were there, blocking her way and trying to maneuver her back towards the bed. They were speaking to her, but she didn't listen.

She needed to see Valerie now. She needed to go. She needed...

"Out of my way," she told them, "I have to go. I have to go."

She kept repeating it, but it didn't work, and suddenly a wave of tiredness hit her. Her legs did not like standing up this long. Sharon gently supported her back in bed. Darcy sat down on the edge and took a few breaths. Okay, okay. She just needed to gather some strength. She could still go. In a minute. It felt like her heart was beating at the speed of light, and her head was filled with a whirlwind of thoughts. _I have to go_. She cradled her head in her hands. _I have to go_.

"Darcy," Jane said, "Darcy are you okay?"

Finally Darcy lifted her head, and looked up at her friend. Tears were blurring her vision. "Can't I go see her?"

Jane placed a hand on her shoulder and said: "I think you should wait."

"But... No... I've done nothing but _wait_ ," Darcy spat out the last word.

"We know," Sharon said soothingly, and kneeled down, so she was looking up at Darcy. "But Valerie hasn't. She woke up a few hours ago, and her whole world has changed. Give her time to adjust to her new reality. She's probably overwhelmed with everything right now."

Darcy felt a few tears run down her cheeks as she nodded.

"You need to feel a little better too," Jane added, "I'm not sure you could handle a drive to the hospital and an emotionally draining reunion."

 _Ugh_ , logic was the absolute worst. Darcy slowly crawled back into the bed, and pulled the duvet around her. She removed her glasses and rolled onto her good shoulder, snuggling down so she was almost completely covered. She took a deep breath, and then she just let all the feelings wash over her, and started sobbing quietly. She felt a hand touch her shoulder, and another her leg, but she ignored them.

She cried for herself, for Valerie, for their friendship which was rocky at best, and _over_ at worst. She was alone, trying to find some sense in the most fucked up situation. She was at the hospital. Her father was so far away, and she missed him so much. How much crap did she have to go through in one damn lifetime?! The dreams, her mother... and she somehow had gotten Valerie hurt as well.

At some point there were no more tears, just hopelessness and a bitter taste in the back off her mouth. She hadn't even heard Sharon and Jane leave, but they were gone when she looked up.

* * *

Her impatience only grew, and even though Sharon and Jane made sure to give her every update on Valerie's condition, it was never enough. Valerie remembered the incident in flashes, and seemed to have accepted the explanation of the body swap. However, she had very limited feeling in her legs, and was confined to a wheelchair for now. They didn't know if it was permanent yet.

Darcy cried again when they told her that. A three months coma, and then she had to sit around in a chair. Life was just so unfair.

She thought she had wanted visitors, but now all she wanted was to see her friend. She could tell Jane was a little upset, but Darcy just didn't have it in her to do something about it. Her only priority was Valerie. If that made her a jerk, well then she didn't really care about that at the moment. Her own recovery was going slowly. She could walk to the bathroom, but she still needed the walker, and it wore her out. Amber insisted she was making progress, but it wasn't enough. Not at all.

On the fourth day after Valerie had woken up, Darcy felt ready do something drastic. Desperation wasn't a fun feeling. She considered sneaking out and grabbing a cab, but her clothes - or lack thereof - was a problem. Also she didn't have any money on her. Still she was considering it.

But then Sharon appeared, a wide smile on her face, and carrying a handful of clothes. "She has been asking for you. Are you ready to go?"

Darcy sat up so fast it made her head spin. "Fuck yes!" she exclaimed, and started to crawl out of the bed.

"Easy there, tiger," Sharon said, "We need your medicine, you need to get dressed and everything. Don't use up all your energy."

"Fine," Darcy said, her voice a little sullen. Sharon just smiled in return. Amber came inside, followed by Dr. Morris and while Sharon was instructed in medicine and care and whatnot, Amber helped Darcy into a pair of sweatpants and a sweater. "Thanks," Darcy said in a low voice, and Amber petted her hair and smiled.

They made her sit in a wheelchair, which was both a relief and somewhat mortifying. Sharon pushed her down the hall, and Darcy glanced around the little facility. There weren't many rooms but probably enough for the Avengers. Darcy wondered if you needed special training to help the Hulk or Thor. She considered asking, but it wasn't like it mattered. She was seeing Valerie now. Finally. It made her happy and scared and a little lightheaded even though she was sitting down. She spent the whole ride down wondering what she was going to say.

She crawled into the backseat of the SUV, and Sharon joined her after placing the wheelchair in the trunk. The driver was some SHIELD dude, and he  let them sit in silence, as the car drove off.

"Are you nervous?" Sharon asked.

"Yeah," Darcy breathed.

"It's going to be alright," Sharon told her, and clapped her shoulder, "it might take time, but it will be alright."

"You sure?" Darcy felt tears well up in her eyes.

"Absolutely," Sharon nodded, and Darcy had no idea whether she was lying or if she meant it.

"Why are you coming along?" Darcy asked.

"I, um," Sharon cleared her throat before continuing, "I wanted to _properly_ protect you, just once."

"Oh."

"I haven't been doing such a good job with that. First the attack in Central Park, and then the warehouse." she looked at her hands. Darcy felt bad. The warehouse wasn't all Sharon's fault.

"I wanted to come. I insisted," she tried to explain.

"It's still... Um, we don't have to have this talk now Darcy. You have an emotional talk ahead of you," Sharon said, and smiled. Darcy nodded and looked out the window. _Ahh New York_ , she thought, _you don't even know what's about to happen. Everything is the same to you_.

This time the trip through the hospital was different. No one really recognized Sharon, and Darcy didn't have to hide her face. They stopped outside the room, where Mrs. Stevens was waiting.

"Oh Darcy!" she cried, and cradled Darcy's head between her hands, "we heard what happened." She kissed Darcy on the forehead and gave her a sad smile. Darcy touched her hand with her own and smiled back.

"How is she?" she asked, her voice shaking slightly.

"She's feeling better today," Mrs. Stevens said, and something flickered through her eyes, "give me a second."

Darcy waited while Mrs. Stevens announced her arrival, and then she steered the wheelchair through the door and into the room. Valerie was sitting up in bed, with a magazine open on her lap. Darcy looked her up and down, unable to meet her eyes just yet. Her cheeks had more color, but she still looked too small.

"You know, it's typical you Darcy," Valerie said, her voice sarcastic and loud as always, "You just had to try and one up my coma by suffering from internal bleeding." Darcy looked up into her eyes, and then they both started laughing. Albeit a little manically but Darcy would take it.

"Yeah well," she responded, "I need to be the one suffering the most. You know it is my thing."

"My legs don't work, so you need to try harder," Val said. Her voice was hard and suddenly nothing was funny about the situation. Darcy got tears in her eyes, and her lip started quivering. "Oh, don't start crying," Valerie sighed and closed the magazine, "what did you expect?"

"I just..." Darcy's voice broke, and tears fell down her cheeks, "Oh God I missed you!"

Valerie looked away from her, and sighed again. Darcy's heart clenched up, like it was unable to beat. _Oh God, oh God, oh God._ What if she hated her? What if they never became friends again? What would she _do?_ Val rubbed her temples and took a deep breath.

"What do you want?" she asked, and her voice was still hard.

"You were the one who asked for me," Darcy replied. Her shoulder had started hurting, and she realized she was tensing up.

"I'll be honest with you," Val said, and crossed her arms, "I can't deal with your pain right now. I might never walk again. I forget words. My parents look a decade older. I don't know if I have a job to return to. So whatever it is you got going on, I can't deal."

Darcy nodded slowly and more tears streamed down her face.

"Stop crying for fucks sake!" Val raised her voice and Darcy got so surprised she lifted her hands up in a surrendering gesture. However, the sudden movement made Valerie flinch and her eyes got big and scared.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Darcy tried to sound soothing, and to keep from making any movements. Val's face dropped, and Darcy could see her clenching her fists until her knuckles turned white. "V, please look at me. I can leave if you want. Just.. I won't move, I promise. Just look at me."

Valerie looked back up, and her eyes were red and filled with tears. "I don't want to be scared of you," she whispered through shallow breaths, "I really, _really_ didn't want to be scared of you."

"It's okay," Darcy promised, and tried to hold back a sob.

"I fucking hate this," Val hissed, as her tears started falling, "you can lower your arms now."

Darcy did so slowly, while she clenched her teeth together as hard as possible to keep from crying. _Will we ever fix this?_ she wondered.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" she asked slowly, "when she attacked you?"

"They say talking helps, so I can try." Valerie wiped her face, "I guess you deserve to know. I was just making coffee, still in a pretty fucking good mood, and then you - or she - came out, spotted me and started asking me who I was, where she was. And I just kept saying _Darcy it's a dream_ and _wake up_. Then she grabbed my arm and it was hurting, so I slapped her. I figured it would wake you up. They do that stuff in movies, you know. I shouldn't have though, because she slammed my head into the surface behind me and asked me who I worked for. I'm stronger than you, so I pushed her off and ran for the door. She caught up with me outside, in the hall, punching me in the face and kicking my leg when I tried to get up. I kicked back and then I crawled to my feet, but I tripped and then I fell down the stairs and that's all I remember."

Darcy's heart was breaking. There was no other explanation for what was happening in her chest. "That's horrible. I'm so sorry!" she cried. She had heard it from Natasha, but this was different. Worse, somehow. Val pressed her lips together and looked at the ceiling, fighting tears. Darcy wanted to reach out and touch her, to hug her and hold her hand and tell her everything would be okay, but she didn't want to scare her again.

"What was it like when I wheeled through the door just now?" she asked after a moment.

"It was okay," Val replied in a shaky voice, "I was prepared, so it wasn't scary. It wasn't until you made the fast movement that I got..." more tears streamed down her cheeks.

"I'll just control my movements around you then," Darcy tried to sound cheerful and Val responded with a wet laugh, followed by a snort.

"God, I can't believe this," she sighed, "here we are, the two of us, wheelchair bound and messed up."

"It fucking sucks," Darcy hissed.

"What happened to you?" Val asked, sending her a half smile.

"I got thrown around by a crazy Russian assassin," Darcy told her, blowing it off a little.

"Join the club," Valerie snorted. They both laughed a little at that. Val looked thoughtful for a moment and then she said: "I'm glad it wasn't you who went bonkers."

"Me too. I'm sorry it happened though. We've caught the person who caused the body swap. Hopefully justice will be served," Darcy said.

"Justice will be served when I've punched Natasha Romanoff so hard in the face, she forgets how to speak Russian," Val sneered.

"You'll need to lift some weights then," Darcy tried to joke. _Natasha would let her,_ she thought to herself. _She'd let her do something worse than that._

"I will gain strength from my anger," Val joked back, "like the Hulk."

There was still a hardness in her eyes, but it wasn't exactly like Darcy could blame her. Natasha _had_ attacked her. Darcy thought back to the moment she had shared with Natasha in the hospital. Well this was just a whole lot of fucked up.

"Are, um, are we still friends?" she asked after a few silent minutes. The question had been burning inside her for so long, it felt strange to say it out loud. Her heart started pounding, as she waited for Valerie's response.

"Darcy..." her voice was low, ".... of course."

The relief made Darcy start crying again, and she had to remove her glasses and quietly sob into her hand for a moment, unable to stop the tears. They were _still_ friends!

"I'll probably need time," Val added, "and, um... Can you promise me something?"

"Yeah. Anything." Darcy looked up and put her glasses back on.

"Everyone looks at my with so much pity. I'm sick of it already. You did it when you came in - that's why I snapped at you. Promise me you won't do that." Val looked at her with serious eyes. "No matter if I never regain the use of my legs, or if I can't speak properly."

"I promise," Darcy said, and she meant it.

"Thank you." Valerie offered her a half-smile. "I am sorry I yelled at you before."

"It's okay," Darcy replied, "I'd be angry too, if I were you."

Valerie huffed in agreement, before leaning into the pillows behind her. She looked tired, and Darcy couldn't blame her. Emotional stuff sucked up energy like nobody's business. Darcy was also pretty exhausted.

"I think I need some rest," Val said, "but um, you can visit me again. Here, or at home in Detroit when I move back. Mom has the details."

"I'd like that," Darcy replied softly, "Goodbye, sleep well."

"I will. I've had plenty of practice," Val joked, "bye Darce."

Darcy wheeled back outside, where Sharon and Mrs. Stevens were talking quietly. When they heard the door they looked up and have her tentative smiles. Darcy told them briefly what had happened. Mrs. Stevens seemed relieved. Apparently Val lashed out in anger easily, and so she had been worried. Sharon had some painkillers and a glass of water for Darcy, and then they headed back to the Tower.

* * *

Everything was healing up nicely, so they allowed Darcy to return to her room in Jane's apartment. She was still in the wheelchair for the longer distances, and they made her keep the walker as well. She was also still on pain medication, but not as much anymore. She had dreams about pain and flashing blue lights and maniacal laughter, but they weren't clear and vivid like usual, instead they were muddy and confusing and she would wake and sleep on and off.

She was restless now. After having seen Val, and gotten some sort of closure on what was going to happen to her, Darcy just wanted to go home. The first time it hit her that she didn't have a home anymore, her veins had felt like they were filled with ice, and her heart had pounded against her ribcage.

Then she had decided to find a home. Her bank account was overflowing with compensation money, so she started browsing apartments in Indianapolis, near her father. Nice apartments actually, with several rooms and terraces and shit. It was a good plan. Valerie would be close enough when she returned to Detroit, so Darcy would be able to visit her.

Darcy had more sessions with Pauli, talking through her conversation with Valerie, and learning methods to cope with the trauma from the warehouse. It was tough, and scary, but it helped. Pauli made her do a breathing exercise, where she basically thought herself back in the warehouse, and went through everything that had happened. Darcy had been completely worn out afterwards, but it helped her connect to the incident more.

The events felt more real now. Like they had actually happened to her. She was more jumpy, and less outgoing, but she was dealing. It was good. She was going to miss Pauli when she left, but hopefully she would have learned to handle things a little on her own. Pauli had insisted she was only a phone call away, and Darcy figured if things got bad, New York wouldn't be _that_ far away.

Natasha hadn't been to visit since Valerie woke up. According to Sharon, Natasha had isolated herself, to guilt-ridden to face anyone. It made Darcy feel bad, and then she felt guilty for feeling bad and then she got exhausted by her feelings.  This whole thing was more messed up than one person could handle. Darcy didn't know what to do at all.

Thor had returned from his trip to other Realms. He didn't tell Darcy what had happened but he looked quite tired. Jane was happy enough to have him back, even though it seemed like they still hadn't solved their run-into-danger-or-not-drama completely. Darcy stayed out of that too.

It was a late night, and Darcy was browsing apartments, when she saw _it_. It was the apartment of her dreams; the ideal location, newly renovated and a terrace. She looked at the price, then away at the wall on her right, before looking back, and then she just did it. She clicked it and filled out the information. She was going to buy it. It was reckless and impulsive and she felt almost high as she did it.

She had an apartment in Indianapolis. Now all there was left was to arrange moving. With nothing other than walking exercises and contemplating guilt and existence on her schedule, it was an easy thing to do. Suddenly there was a plane ticket, a moving van to come with her stuff. And there was a last day at the Avengers Tower.

Darcy told the Avengers on a rainy afternoon, because she was a little theatrical and they were at home. There was something weird about saying goodbye to them. She had hated them, then forced herself to like them and now they were just _people she knew_. People who actually seemed to care about her, and told her they would miss her, or wished her the best moving forward, or even that she was welcome to stop by whenever she was in New York.

Natasha and Jane were the only ones who didn't talk to her. Natasha because she wasn't there, and Jane because she got up and left the room when Darcy told them all. That night, when Darcy was in bed, looking through _Netflix_ for something to watch, Jane crept inside, curled up next to her and said: "I'm going to miss you." Darcy wrapped her arm around her shoulder, and squeezed her.

"I am going to miss you too."

* * *

On the day she was leaving, she got a round of hugs from everyone except Bucky and Natasha, who weren't present. The longest hug was from Jane of course, but Tony, Steve and Sharon seemed reluctant to let go as well. Clint winked at her, and Sam made her laugh. Thor wished her safe travels and Bruce smiled when she gave him back the book about dealing with anger. Darcy almost choked up as Jane hugged her a second time. It felt right to leave, but it also felt a tiny bit wrong and she hated that.

She didn't need the wheelchair, but she did bring the walker. When she walked through the garage, where a SHIELD-dude was waiting to drive her to the airport, she heard footsteps running up behind her. She turned around and saw Natasha and Bucky. Natasha looked terrible, like she hadn't slept in days, and Bucky had this look in his eyes like he was doing something wrong.

"I..." Natasha said.

Darcy sighed, let go of the walker and carefully walked towards them without it. She wrapped her arms around Natasha's neck and hugged her as tightly as she could. "It's okay," she whispered, " _It's okay_."

Natasha started shaking, and she hugged back gently. Darcy felt like a lot of things had been leading up to this hug, and even though she was on Team Val, she wanted to give Natasha some peace of mind. It felt like the right thing to do. Natasha let go and took a step back. "I wish you the best, Darcy Lewis."

"I wish you the same," Darcy said.

"I am so sorry abou-" Bucky started, but Darcy silenced him with a look. She grabbed both his hands and squeezed them, looking up at him and saying, "No more apologies. It's okay."

Tears appeared in his eyes, and he looked like he was about to protest, but Darcy shut him up with a look. She then glanced back at Natasha and said: "Goodbye."

Then she headed back to the walker, and left them there.

She had a new home waiting for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow 7,5k later, and here we are. Darcy has left the Tower.  
> \- Don't worry, this is not the end. She just needs some down time, and to hang out with her dad and Val and stuff.
> 
> I am so glad you read it. Let me know if you spot any mistakes, because I surely made some.  
> I have a question, now that I have your attention. Since I started this before AoU (gasps, I know!) I didn't include the newer additions to the team - aside from Sam Wilson, who is literal perfection - but since I have spent so long on it, I feel weird about not including them, and maybe the compound? I like the Tower as a setting, but I also like the idea of keeping just a bit up with the actual MCU. What do you think? I feel like Wanda and Rhodey could be nice additions? Maybe even an occasional Scotty L? Okay I am rambling.. (i won't do a civil war becaue there is enough angst as it is). 
> 
> I won't make any promises about when next chapter comes, but I will do my best to do it faster this time!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♪♫ Guess who's back. Back again. This fic is back. Tell a friend! ♫♬  
> I am sorry I just made you read that. But yes, I have returned, almost five months after I last posted, which is a lot shorter than the last few gaps actually. So, yay? I guess?  
> Turns out it's really hard for me to write fic and a bachelorproject at the same time. Who would've thought, eh?  
> Anyway I hope you like this chapter. It's a bit shorter than my usual ones, but still 4.6k, so.

Darcy stood in front of the apartment building, looking up at it. It was a nice old building, it was well maintained and beautiful. It was the nicest one on the street. Darcy removed her headphones and rung the doorbell to her apartment.

" _Hello!_ " came the reply.

"Hi, it's Darcy Lewis," she said into the door phone. The door buzzed and Darcy pushed it, and walked inside. It was a bit difficult with the walker, but she made it into the nicely lit hallway. She walked over to the elevator, and rode it up to the top floor.

Waiting for her was a tall, thin woman, wearing a pair of terrifyingly thin heels and the tightest pencil skirt Darcy had ever seen. Darcy smiled at her and gave a little wave. It was hard not to feel a bit self-conscious in her sensible shoes and loose t-shirt and sweatpants. If the woman disapproved, she didn't show it.

"Miss Lewis?" the woman asked, sending a professional smile.

"Yeah, it's me," Darcy said.

"I'm Mrs. Blacktree, the real estate agent." she smoothed down the skirt, before walking forward to shake Darcy's hand.

"Oh yeah, we spoke on the phone. Nice to meet you," Darcy replied.

Mrs. Blacktree led her into the apartment, and Darcy grinned as she stepped into the small hallway. Mrs. Blacktree told her many things as she gave a tour, but Darcy didn't listen much. Instead she just looked around and tried to imagine actually _living_ there.

There was some paper signing and suddenly Darcy was left alone with the key in the almost empty apartment.

She left the walker in the hall and walked around again, slowly, on her own. The apartment had a big kitchen and dining room. The living room was a bit smaller, but still had plenty of space for one person, with glass doors leading onto the little terrace. Then there were two bedrooms, each with a toilet, and then another guest toilet with access from the hallway.

Darcy had no idea what to do with all that space. Maybe she could rent out a room? The thought of living with someone made her stomach turn. Nope. If it wasn't Val, it wouldn't work.

Darcy looked at the time. There was still a few hours until her stuff would be delivered. She should probably do some productive work, like lease a car, or hire someone to paint her bedroom - she was going to have yellow walls again thank very much - and figure out what she needed to buy. But who was she kidding? All she wanted was to see her dad.

She glanced around one last time, before grabbing her phone and calling a cab. Then she went back into the hall, placing both hands on the walker and taking a deep breath. Seeing her dad again after so much time! Her heart couldn't stop pounding.

Phone calls were one thing but finally giving him a hug after everything she went through. It had only been around three months but it felt like an eternity. Darcy made her way back outside the apartment, down the elevator and out onto the street. The wind caught her scarf and made it hit her cheek.

Fall had truly come while she was in New York.

The cab ride passed in a blur and suddenly she was walking into the Care Home. The receptionist smiled warmly at her, and Darcy explained she was here to see Nathaniel Lewis and it had been a while, so maybe his assigned nurse could give her some updates on his conditions.

The receptionist noticed the walker and nodded like she understood why Darcy hadn't visited her father in a while.

The nurse was new and she seemed really nice. Her nametag said _Anna_. She escorted Darcy to his room, telling her about how he was doing. It turned out he was doing pretty well. Confused and old, and in need of help, but he hadn't deteriorated in Darcy's absence. Thank God.

Nurse Anna knocked on the door and pushed it open. "Nathaniel, you have a visitor," she said and stepped to the side, so Darcy could enter. There he was, sitting in his old brown chair, doing a crossword puzzle, with the radio playing. He looked rounder, like he had gained a bit of weight, and his hair was almost completely grey, but otherwise there was no difference from last time she had seen him.

Darcy felt tears well up in her eyes, and her throat tightened as she looked at him. He looked up, and then he broke into this wide smile.

"Darcy!" he said, "Look Anna, it's Darcy!"

"Hi Dad," Darcy said, and smiled back. It made a few tears fall down her cheeks. She left the walker, and walked over to him as fast as she could on her own. He reached out his arms and she leaned down to hug him. His grip was tight and she nearly fell over into his lap. All she wanted to do was to sob into his shoulder, but she didn't want to worry him. So instead she pulled back and kissed him on the forehead. Then she grabbed a chair and sat down next to him, holding onto his hand tightly.

"Look, it's Darcy," he told Anna again, grinning widely, "it's my little girl."

"I can see that," Anna said kindly as she started bustling around the room, picking up a used mug and some trash, "you must be happy to see her again."

"My little girl. She is busy you know, working in Chicago," he said. Darcy chuckled nervously and smiled at Anna, as she stopped next to them.

"And she still makes time to see you? You're a lucky man. I wouldn't," she ended with a wink and Darcy's dad started laughing.

"This one is always giving me a hard time," he told Darcy with a grin.

"You give as good as you get, Nate," Anna smiled back, and they both laughed again. Darcy felt another wave of tears hit her. She didn't know if it was regret or happiness or maybe a bit of both. Her father seemed to really get along with his nurse, which was amazing. She just wished she could have been there sooner, and taken more care of him herself.

Darcy spent the whole afternoon there, until she had to go back and meet the people with her things. Her father didn't seem bothered with the time that had passed, instead he just chatted about his neighbors and his nurses. He clearly preferred Anna, who helped him do crossword puzzles and snuck him extra cake, and always teased him.

Darcy had glanced at the crossword he had been working on and smiled to herself. He really wasn't good at it anymore, but as long as it kept him happy.

Getting her things inside proved easy enough, the guys from the moving truck were very helpful. Darcy got everything put where she wanted it. It didn't take up a lot of space, and she still had to buy a lot of things. It was almost a bit underwhelming to stand there and look at all her old stuff in this big beautiful apartment. _So, this is my life now_ , she thought to herself and sat down on the old couch. After a few minutes of mulling things over, she found her laptop and opened up her browser. Might as well get started.

* * *

Two weeks passed in a blur. Darcy had plenty to do, between getting the apartment fully done and spending as much time as possible hanging out with her dad, playing _Go Fish!_ and doing crossword puzzles. It was nice to have something to care about outside of visiting him. It kept her mind busy. But after those two weeks, there wasn't much else to do.

Darcy woke up at one in the afternoon for the third time in a row. She sat up and grabbed her glasses, sighing deeply. Her father was having lunch with the other residents now, so she could wait a bit before leaving. She got out of bed, and walked into the kitchen and started her coffee machine. When the coffee was ready, she poured herself a cup and walked into the living room and sat down. She sipped the coffee, and looked out the window.

When she had almost finished the coffee, she spilled a bit on her pjs. "Oh, shit," she cursed and dabbed it with her fingers. She looked back out the window. She should go get dressed and maybe eat something? So she could see her dad. Not sure how much time had passed, she looked at the time. _Oh_. It was half past two. Now he was probably napping.

She ran a hand through her hair. It seemed greasy. Maybe she should wash it? Ugh, the thought of getting up and getting in the shower just seemed way too draining. Her dad didn't care about her hair, right? She sighed. _Get it together, Darcy_. She should just get up and eat something. Yeah, yeah, she was probably just so slow because of low blood sugar or something.

Darcy walked back into the kitchen. She drank a glass of water, and toasted a bagel. She ate it with cream cheese, leaning against the counter. Then she made herself another cup of coffee. She carried it with her into her room, where she got dressed in yesterday's jeans and her orange sweater. She drank the coffee and then she slowly walked into the bathroom and brushed her teeth. She looked at herself in the mirror. She did look tired. And her hair looked greasy. Ugh. She'd have to wear a hat to cover it.

Finally, she was down the street, getting an uber.

* * *

The next day she woke up to her alarm blaring at 10 o'clock. Darcy rolled over and turned it off, thinking to herself that today she was going to be productive and get up. She took a deep breath. Her bed was very comfortable, and she was still tired. She was just going to lie there while she woke up.

She heard rain pounding hard against her window, so she got up to look outside. She pulled her curtains open and sucked in a breath through her teeth. She couldn't see anything because of how powerful the rain was. Weird. Or maybe it was because she wasn't wearing her glasses. She walked back to the bedside table. Where were they?

She walked into the living room, checking if she left them in there. There was no sight of them. Darcy scratched her head, narrowing her eyes as she searched every surface. When she looked outside through the glass door, a huge wave of water came right at her and she screamed.

Next thing she knew, she was sitting up in bed, screaming. She looked around her frantically. It was her room, her glasses were lying on the bedside table, next to her alarm clock, which read half past eleven. Fuck. Her heart was beating fast. _It was just a dream._ She forced herself to crawl out of bed and put on glasses before walking barefoot into the  kitchen. She had forgotten about the spilled coffee when she went to bed, so she was wearing the same pjs. God, what a mess. She made herself a cup of coffee in the same mug from yesterday, after quickly rinsing it under the faucet. Darcy carried the mug with her into the living room, and sat down on the couch. She placed the mug on the coffee table, and slouched back into the pillows.

At some point she remembered her coffee and grabbed the mug. It was cold now. She looked at the time. Half past twelve. Where did the hour go?

Okay. Showering was a thing. She really needed to do it. Darcy groaned. She dragged herself into the bathroom and removed her pjs, leaving them on the floor. She got into the shower and stood under the warm spray, getting lost in her own head again. After God knows how long, she remembered to actually wash her hair.

She got dressed in the same jeans as yesterday, and a large t-shirt. Her hair was dripping down her back, but she didn't care as she went back into the living room. She sat down and turned on the TV, flicking through the channels until she found a sit-com that looked entertaining.

Darcy fell asleep again, and woke up with a sore neck and an uneasy stomach.

Fuck.

What was happening to her? Why couldn't she just _do_ things?

She hadn't even eaten anything today. She searched through her fridge, not interested in making anything. In the end she ate some crackers, and wondered if it was okay to order takeaway. She could afford it now, with all the money from SHIELD.

She ordered a pizza and drank a soda.

It was getting dark outside and she hadn't done anything today. She looked through facebook, wondering if she should message her old high school friends, who still lived here in Indianapolis. However, she didn't really know how to explain where she had been for the past few months, or how she suddenly had this huge apartment.

* * *

Another week passed like that, and then another. Darcy was  sleeping more than usual, and almost unable to get up from her couch. She would sit on it and stare at nothing through the window, or lie on it and get lost in her own thoughts.

It was horrible, and she didn't know how to _stop_ and just get back up.

Most afternoons she found the energy to go and visit her dad. Spending time with him was the only highlight of her day, and the remaining hours all passed in a blur of nothing. It was almost December and everything was already covered in decorations. It just made her more gloomy to look at them.  

Then one day she was pulled from her thoughts by the sound of her buzzer. She got to her feet, leaving the dent in her sofa behind, and walked over to the door phone, picking it up.

"Hello?" her voice was raspy.

"Darcy! Let me in!"

"Val?" Darcy asked in confusion.

"No, it's Santa. Let me in, I'm freezing my tits off," was the reply. It made Darcy chuckle as she pressed the button to let Val in. Then she looked down at herself and realized she was still wearing her pajamas and she had no idea what time it was. Shit. If she ran, she could maybe put on a pair of pants and a sweater over the t-shirt, and then run back outside and open the door like everything was cool. But she hadn't really been running much lately, and even though she had stopped needing the walker, she wasn't sure she could trust her legs to carry her through a sprint.

She opened the door and heard the elevator start moving. There was no time. Never mind. Val knew her, and what had happened. Darcy licked her lips and took a deep breath. The elevator opened and Val rolled out in her wheelchair. Her hair was shorter, poking out underneath a red beanie. Darcy suddenly felt nervous, not sure what their relationship was like now.

"Hi! Your building is _not_ wheelchair friendly," Val said and rolled her eyes, "Mom had to help me get through the door."

"Oh, your mom is here?" Darcy asked, and opened the door more, so Val could get through.

"She is meeting a friend, so I told her to drop me off here first," Val explained as she rolled into the apartment. She wheeled herself into the living room and whistled in appreciation. "Nice place."

Darcy made a noise in response, feeling a little embarrassed by the size. Val turned around, looking like was about to make a joke, but stopping when she took in Darcy's appearance. "Are those your pajamas?"

"Yeah," Darcy tried shrugging it off.

"Are you having dreams again?" Valerie asked.

"No," Darcy lied.

Valerie removed the beanie and her coat, handing both to Darcy. She asked if she could have a cup of coffee, and they chatted a little about nothing while Darcy made the coffee and found a box of cookies. Valerie crawled from the wheelchair to the couch and grabbed a cookie.

"So, what's the status on your legs?" Darcy asked. Val smiled and started explaining how she had regained her feel in them, but so far not the ability to walk, and the rehabilitation was taking time. Even standing was too hard for her.

"Mom and Dad are still acting like I could break at any time," Val said and sipped her coffee. Darcy was absentmindedly tapping her mug as she listened, still feeling nervous. "Sometimes I feel like I might."

"Break?"

"Yeah," Val sighed, "I don't know Darce, there is just so much. I can't walk yet, I lost my job, sometimes my brain still feels like it's filled with cotton and I can't remember things. The doctors are all telling me to give it time, but I don't want to. I want to feel better _now."_

_"_ Yeah. It's so unfair," Darcy nodded.

" _Yes!_ I hate it," Val said and wiped her eyes.

"I'm sorry," Darcy whispered after a moment. Val smiled and drank some more coffee. They sat there in silence. Their dynamic felt slightly _off_. It was better than Darcy had thought it would be, but it was still far from their old friendship. Darcy wanted to say something, to do something to move it back to where they were, but she knew it was impossible. Like with everything else in Val's life right now, it was going to take time.

"How are you?" Val asked suddenly.

"Oh, I'm good," Darcy replied, brushing it off. Compared to Val she really was.

"Dee, seriously. You don't look 'good'," Val said, tilting her head and narrowing her eyes.

Darcy exhaled and felt tears sting her eyes. "I don't know what's happening. I feel so empty."

"What do you mean?" Val asked, reaching out a hand and placing it gently on Darcy's knee. A simple touch, much less contact than what used to be between them, and yet it made Darcy burst into tears. If the sudden movement and noise scared Val, she didn't show it. Instead she tightened her grip slightly. Darcy fought for control of her breathing and started telling Val about her days and how they slipped through her fingers like sand, and it was like she had stopped feeling _anything_.

"Darce," Val said softly, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but, um, what do you do? Do you have a job?"

"I, uh, I don't, no. I just spend time with my dad."

"I am no expert, but maybe you should find something to do outside?" Val suggested, "I mean, like, take a class of something, or get a job? So you have a reason to get out of this - albeit dope - apartment!"

 "Maybe..."

"Did you talk to a shrink in New York? Maybe you could ask them?" Val gave a little smile.

"Yeah..."

"And, you have to come and visit me more, because I need the company and we have to practice this friendship thing." Val put the cup down.

More tears spilled down Darcy's cheeks. She briefly wondered how much of the past few months had been spent crying. It had to be a lot. Val smiled encouragingly, and grabbed another cookie. When Darcy had composed herself again, they watched some TV and talked about less emotional things. When Mrs. S. returned to pick Val up, Darcy went down with her and helped her out of the front door. Val was right, it really wasn't wheelchair friendly.

* * *

Darcy got a part-time job at a call center, where she spent most of the time helping confused older people use their computers. It wasn't particularly interesting, but it was nice to get out of the apartment and talk to people again, without having to work full hours and drain herself. Pauli praised her when she heard, and told her to continue to call or write if she needed anything.

It didn't magically fix everything, of course. But Darcy felt like she was taking the reins back, and not just letting her life pass by. She still spent most of her time with her dad, playing board games. Those hours spent with him were the happiest she had.

She finally leased a Hyundai, and started driving to Detroit where Val was living, so they could spend time together and get their old friendship back. It seemed mostly okay. There was always a bit of awkwardness in the beginning, and Darcy still had to be careful and not move too fast. A few times she accidentally scared Val by walking in too fast or too quiet, so she got a shock. It was a slow and still painful process. Darcy missed their old friendship so bad it made her stomach hurt.

She just wanted to throw herself into Val's arms and hug her and cry and tell her everything she went through in New York. Darcy knew she couldn't do that. She had to respect Val's needs, and take everything in her tempo. Plus, what they had now was still so much better than what she had thought it would be.

Time passed with her job and spending time with her dad and Valerie and suddenly it was the middle of December. It was cold, and she was even more grateful for her car. She splurged on great presents for everyone, even Anna, her dad's nurse. She bought herself a new winter coat, and started knitting a scarf for something to do at night.

She spent Christmas Eve with her dad. It was quiet and soft, just the two of them playing games and opening presents and drinking cocoa. He loved the new bathrobe and slippers she bought him. He had gotten her a pair of oven mittens with cats on them. Anna told her that they had spent a lot of time looking at things online. Darcy grinned and gave Anna the package with the chocolate and wine, telling her thanks for all the help. Anna got all flustered. It was kind of cute. _You need to stop finding nurses cute, Darcy_ , she told herself.

She drove back home, but instead of going to bed, she poured herself a glass of wine and sat down on her couch. She sipped the wine as se sunk into seat. She felt tired to the bone. How did her live end up like this? She removed her glasses and rubbed her temple and then she sighed and emptied the glass. She placed it on the coffee table and closed her eyes as she leaned back in the seat.

Darcy woke up with her cheek pressed against the cushion, still wearing her sweater from the night before. It was all twisted around her torso, and she felt groggy and weird. Her neck was hurting a little. Ugh. She sat up and lifted her glasses from the coffee table, blinking in confusion. There was a weird tapping noise. It was probably what had woke her up. Darcy yawned as she got up, looking around her to find the source of the noise.

She screamed in surprise when she saw an Iron Man suit standing on her terrace, tapping the glass door. What the fuck? She ran over to the door and opened it. The suit saluted her.

_"Lewis! Merry Christmas!"_ Tony's voice sounded.

"Tony, what are you doing here?" Darcy asked.

" _Oh, I'm not here,_ " Tony said, and the face-plate fell open, revealing an empty suit.

"What's one of your suits doing here then?" Darcy asked.

" _We got you some Christmas presents_ ," Tony said cheerfully, and the suit pointed to a large box on the ground, which Darcy hadn't even noticed.

"Oh. Uh, thanks," she replied, suddenly feeling self-conscious and a little awkward.

" _No problemo,_ " Tony said. After wishing her a merry Christmas again, the suit flew away, leaving Darcy with the box. She carried into the apartment and placed it on the floor. She was feeling really weird about receiving it, but she wasn't sure it was a bad feeling. After watching it for a few minutes, she decided to postpone the opening a bit.

She returned to it after a shower, now wearing flannel pajamas and slippers. She had even brushed her teeth and combed her hair. She sat down next to the box, cutting up the tape with a scissor. Then, after taking a deep breath, Darcy opened it. Lying on top was a big envelope.  It contained a ridiculous Christmas card with all their signatures and a giftcard to a luxury spa in Indianapolis. Darcy bit her lip, she could definitely use some pampering and some massage.

Darcy looked back into the box which was filled with other, smaller boxes. The biggest one had Thor and Jane scribbled on it. She lifted it up, wondering why it was so heavy. Inside it was several beautiful rocks in bright pink, green and  blue colors. Darcy had never seen anything like them - _they were probably from space!_ Wow! She instantly loved them. There was also another, smaller box from Thor and Jane. It contained expensive coffee beans and loads of chocolate truffles.

Darcy looked at the rocks and felt tears sting her eyes. She missed Jane a lot. And the gift was amazing!

She opened the next set of presents. Tony and Pepper had gotten her a beautiful gold necklace with a single pearl pendant, and Steve and Sharon had gotten her matching pearl earrings and a pair of socks with flamingos on them. The jewelry looked very expensive and the socks were amazing and pink. Darcy felt a lump in her throat as she placed it all gently on the floor. They really did well. There was a soft black scarf with a matching hat from Bruce. Darcy was surprised Bruce had picked up on her fondness for hats, she hadn't spent that much time with him. The hat was perfect, it looked like something from the 20's.

Darcy opened the gift from Sam and Clint, and started laughing. An expensive bottle of rum and  a set of Avengers shots glasses! There was one for each of them, and they looked cheap and tacky and Darcy loved them.

In the bottom of the box there was a little package with Natasha and Bucky's names on it. It was flat and soft. Darcy opened it and sucked in a breath through her teeth. The gift was a beautiful cashmere sweater. It was a bright blue color and Darcy knew without trying it on that it would fit her perfectly both in size, shape and color tone. She caressed it carefully, fighting the urge to rub her face on it. It was so soft she couldn't believe it.

She scooted backwards on the floor and looked at the presents. Wow. It was so nice of them, she had no idea what to do or say. She hadn't gotten them anything. Did she have to? She supposed she didn't, but a thank you might be in order. She got up and found her laptop, and typed in a thank you email. She sent it to Jane and told her to tell the others that she had loved every present.

Darcy got up and made herself some cocoa. She sipped it while leaning against the kitchen counter. It was kind of nice to hear from the Avengers again. The body swap was over, and she had left them behind, but somehow it felt comforting to be in contact with them. She smiled to herself. The year was ending and a new one was starting. Standing there in her kitchen, Darcy promised herself to make the best of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, love! You're the best!
> 
> I wanted to post it around xmas, for obvious reasons, but life decided to meddle.  
> My new years resolution is to not only write more, but also post more. (I also have a resolution to do more skincare, but that's not important.) So, while I can't promise I specific time for the next chapter, I really really want to post more often than twice a year.
> 
> I love each and every comment I get!!!! I hope you liked this little chapter, and as always tell me if you spot a mistake, so I can fix it and sleep better! Thanks again!


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